The Importance of Mental Health in Marriage: An Islamic Perspective

In Islam, marriage is not only a legal contract but also a sacred union that brings two souls together with a foundation of love, mercy, and tranquility. The Qur’an beautifully describes this bond: “And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts…” (Qur’an 30:21). These principles underscore the importance of mental well-being within a marriage. However, mental health is sometimes overlooked in the pursuit of maintaining a stable household. This article aims to highlight the importance of mental health in marriage from an Islamic perspective, using insights from the Qur’an, Hadith, and contemporary research.

1. Mental Health and Emotional Balance in Marriage

Islam emphasizes maintaining mental and emotional balance in all aspects of life, and marriage is no exception. When individuals experience mental health challenges, such as stress, anxiety, or depression, it affects their interactions with their spouse and family. This is why Islam encourages believers to take care of both physical and mental health as part of holistic well-being. According to the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), believers should avoid excessive worry and strive for peace of mind and heart.

The Prophet is reported to have said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5641). This Hadith highlights the importance of acknowledging emotional pain and suggests that mental health struggles, while challenging, also come with spiritual growth and the opportunity for divine mercy.

In a marital context, acknowledging each other’s mental health struggles and offering support aligns with the Islamic principle of kindness and mutual care. When spouses empathize with one another’s emotional challenges, they create a compassionate environment that nurtures both the marriage and individual well-being.

2. Communication as a Pillar of Mental Health

One of the key components of a healthy marriage in Islam is effective communication. Miscommunication and lack of emotional openness often lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distress. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasized the importance of kind and thoughtful communication, stating, “The most perfect of believers in faith are those best in character, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1162).

In modern mental health literature, open and honest communication is considered essential for reducing stress and increasing marital satisfaction (American Psychological Association). Couples who discuss their worries, goals, and feelings with each other are better able to navigate challenges and maintain emotional intimacy. By prioritizing communication, Muslim couples can foster an environment of support and understanding, which is crucial for mental well-being. Research also confirms that open dialogue reduces emotional tension and strengthens marital bonds.

3. Empathy and Compassion: The Sunnah Approach

Empathy, or the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings, is highly valued in Islam. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was known for his empathy and kindness towards his family. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the Prophet’s wife, reported, “He would be at the service of his family” (Sahih al-Bukhari). This shows that caring for one’s spouse and understanding their struggles is not only a part of the Sunnah but also a means to strengthen marital relationships.

Empathy is a core component of mental health support. When a spouse is empathetic and compassionate, they provide a safe space for their partner to express emotions and challenges, thus reducing stress and fostering emotional stability. According to Islamic teachings, showing empathy is not just an act of love but also a duty that aligns with the principles of kindness and mercy in marriage.

4. Mental Health, Patience, and Tawakkul (Reliance on Allah)

Mental health challenges can test an individual’s patience and resilience. In marriage, spouses are encouraged to practice patience (sabr) and place their trust in Allah (tawakkul) during difficult times. The Qur’an says, “Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient” (Qur’an 2:153), and this principle is particularly applicable in managing mental health issues.

Islam encourages believers to seek help for their struggles, which includes both prayer and practical actions, such as therapy or counseling if necessary. Patience in this context does not mean suppressing emotions or neglecting treatment but rather embracing the process of healing with faith. When both partners rely on Allah and support each other patiently through mental health struggles, they create a resilient marriage that can withstand life’s challenges.

5. Seeking Help: Therapy and Counseling in Islam

Islam not only acknowledges mental health issues but also encourages seeking help. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised his followers to seek remedies for their ailments, saying, “Make use of medical treatment, for Allah has not made a disease without appointing a remedy for it…” (Sunan Abu Dawood 3855). This Hadith illustrates the importance of seeking treatment for both physical and mental health issues.

For Muslim couples experiencing mental health challenges, marriage counseling and therapy can be effective tools in managing stress, depression, and interpersonal issues. Therapy is not viewed as a lack of faith, but rather as a means of taking responsibility for one’s well-being and the well-being of the family. Islamic organizations and counseling services, such as Muslim Mental Health and Khalil Center, provide culturally sensitive support that aligns with Islamic values.

6. Creating a Supportive Environment for Mental Health in Marriage

In Islam, marriage is a partnership built on love and support. Creating a supportive environment that promotes mental health can include setting aside time for shared spiritual practices, like praying together, reading Qur’an, and making du’a (supplication). Studies show that shared religious activities help couples feel closer and foster a sense of spiritual support, which is essential for mental well-being (Pew Research Center).

Practices such as mindfulness, gratitude, and self-care also align with Islamic teachings and are important for mental health. For example, regular prayer (Salah) provides a structured time for reflection and emotional release, promoting inner peace. Additionally, gratitude (shukr) is encouraged in Islam and has been shown to improve mental health by fostering a positive outlook on life.

Mental health is an integral part of a successful marriage, and Islam provides comprehensive guidance on nurturing emotional well-being within marital relationships. Through empathy, patience, effective communication, and reliance on Allah, Muslim couples can create a loving and supportive marriage that promotes mental health. Islam also encourages seeking help, including therapy, as part of taking responsibility for one’s health.

By prioritizing mental health within marriage, Muslims can build stronger families, foster emotional well-being, and uphold the Islamic principles of mercy, love, and tranquility.

Memorial Project in Honor of Ahmad Woody Bagala-Alina Kayanja

The memorial project in honor of Ahmad Woody Bagala-Alina Kayanja has begun and will be ending soon. We received a total of 236,93 Euros (254.03684 USD) as donations from different individuals. We are thankful for your efforts.

Jazaakummullaahu Khaeran!

Breakdown of how the money was spent:

Donation of €225 (excluding charges for transfer cost at €3.90 extra: see receipt above) to Masjid Darul Khair Quran Memorisation Centre, Busumbala, the Gambia for renovation of the mosque’s floor and acquisition of new carpets (ongoing project). Below are some of the pictures of the mosue pior to the donations:

Masjid Darul Khair Quran Memorisation Centre, Busumbala, the Gambia

Donation of €9,1 towards water projects under:We will update more pictures once the project at Masjid Darul Khair Quran Memorisation Centre, Busumbala, the Gambia is complete. ( See card above).
____________________________________________

Contributions received through Wazeer from sister Malika = €59

Analysis of expenses prepared by: Wazeer M.

Relocating for a Beautiful Intercultural Marriage: Living in Indonesia as an American

By: Ali A. Karim

The year 2020 was a new and exciting begining for me. I met a wonderful lady from Indonesia a few years back and we decided to get married after communicating for sometime. I realised I had found the right person for me and I moved to Indonesia.

Prayudi Setiadharma — Skyline of Bandung as seen from Cihampelas area with the Pasupati bridge prominently features in the foreground

We live in a city called Bandung, which is about two hours drive from Jakarta, the capital city. As a foreigner, I noticed how different things are done culturally in Indonesia. Many things are different from what I was used to in the United States of America, of course not in a negative way. Here I will mention some of my personal experiences, please understand that not all will encounter the same situation, it depends on the community around the person and the area they live in.

Rice, Rice, and Rice

Indonesian staple food is rice. They eat rice three times a day for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

There is a saying that If you have not eaten rice, then you haven’t eaten yet. Even most of the snacks are made from rice or rice flour.

Here is a true and interesting story:

A brother that I know told me about his experience when he went to a pizza place. That was his first time going there. When his order arrived, which was a pan of pizza, he was so angry and dissapointed because it didn’t come with rice. He was so unimpressed that the manager had to intervene. The manager of the place had to calm him down and gave explanations on why rice was not served as part of the Pizza. That is how much they love rice!

Motorcycles

Indonesians can move the world on the back of a motorcycle. I have been riding on the back of motorbikes. My wife still remembers how I was against it at the begining of my stay in Indonesia, but here I am now, a pure Indonesian, riding on the back of a motorcycle holding things like an expert enjoying a flamboyant motorcade.

When I said Indonesians can move the world on the back of a motorcycle, I mean in many ways than one; refrigerators, washing machines, goats, ladders and a family of five, yes a family of five! To paint a clear picture of how a family of five can ride a motorcycle in this beautiful new home of mine, here is an idea: the oldest child is in the front of the father who is riding the motorbike, the second child is between the father and mother, and the mother is holding and nursing the baby. It’s normal to see three, four or five on the motorbikes.

Their outfit when riding a motorcycle is another thing to write home about. Sometimes I see the riders wearing a thick jacket or a leather jacket during day time at 90F, but they also wear their jacket when the weather is cool, yet they still wear shorts and flip flops, leaving me to think don’t their waists and legs feel cold?

The Stares

Depending on the area, a foreigner will most probably get some stares. Yes, everybody stares, from an old lady in a rickshaw who turned her head 180 degrees to a motorbike rider, a gas station employee, to a six months old baby on his mom’s lap. All have stared at me from head to toe and from toe to head. Some of them have enough courage to say “Hi” and try to start a conversation. Some kids just yelled behind my back and call me “Hey Arab!”.

I understand that I do not look like most people in Indonesia and they are confused on what to call me and who I am. To make it even distinct, I am somehow easier to recognize since my body height is taller than most Indonesian men, but for me, my appearance should not be a reason for people to stare because I am a human being like everybody else. Afterall, we are Bani Adam.

Gotong Royong

It is translated as Communal work. A few months ago I was lucky enough to participate in a gotong royong, we were working to fix one of our neighbour’s house. The house owner name is Pak Dodo, he was forced to rent another house because his own house is unlivable since the roof was severely damaged. The community leader was organizing a comittee and asking people to participate, in any way, financially, physically or just with moral support. Everybody is working and participating in any way. We finally finished the project in less than a week and Pak Dodo can live in his own house again, Alhamdulillah. This is how the muslim community should be, everyone should help when one is in need or when something needs to be done for the public.

Halal Food and Adhan

Masājid or mosques are everywhere and most food are halal. Indonesia has a high population of Muslims hence, you can find mosques easily, almost in every corner of the street. I used to say jokingly to my friends in the US, that we hear adhān more than 5 times a day, because the mosques are close to each other. When one starts the adhan, the other starts to say the azan as well.

A mosque from Bandung. Photo credit: factsofindonesia.com

Going back to food, I have been gaining weight since I moved here, so you know the food is good especially when your wife is an excellent cook!

For newcomers, you can easily find halal food just around the corner. My first Indonesian word is “Ayam” which means “chicken” because I can easily spot this word everywhere. Mie Ayam, Bubur Ayam, Ayam Goreng, Ayam Geprek, Soto Ayam and more ayam. Chickens have a rough life here. LOL.

It is always in my prayers to let me out of the USA, alhamdulillah Allah answered my prayers and I moved to the largest muslim country in the world. I thank Allah for my wife and for my new life. My advice for those who are willing to move to Indonesia are be open minded and keep yourself informed that Indonesia is a huge country with different cultures and languages, make good relationships with the locals and treat others as human and you will be treated as human.

About the author: Ali A. Karim is an artist by nature. History enthusiast. Muslim by choice. He considers Arts as the culture of humanity. To him, Art tells the history of the world. Art is the truth and proof of God. Just look at HIS creation.

THE EID IN EGYPT

THE EID IN EGYPT

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh, Very good morning to everyone .

We enter the final stretch of Ramadan and the most important days and we approach Eid el Fitr, or Breakfast Festival, 3 days of celebration of the end of Ramadan.

This Eid together with the Eid Adha, or the sacrifice are the only two festivals recognized by the Islamic tradition.

This year, as has happened with Ramadan, will be an atypical Eid to the normal ones and I am going to tell you a little for those who do not know it, the most important traditions in Egypt.

The exact date of Eid, like the beginning of Ramadan, is announced by the Mufti, the country’s highest Islamic religious authority and is based on the sighting of the new moon.

SALAT EL EID

Muslims this day get up early, this time not for suhoor but to attend the communal Eid prayer in the mosques.

This prayer is celebrated around 5 in the morning and is attended as a family, children and adults, men and women.

Muslims will gather in mosques or open spaces and offer two units of prayer – called “Rakat”. The prayers are followed by a sermon, in which the imam asks for forgiveness, mercy, and peace for every being across the world.

Other key elements of the Eid celebrations are giving money to the poor (known as ‘Zakat al-Fitr’, the amount to be given depends on the possessions someone has), sending Eid greetings and feasting with families.

BREAKFAST WITH KAHK

The typical sweets of the Egyptian Eid are KAHK (I have shared the recipe) , a pastry filled with dates or dried fruits and covered with icing sugar, Ghorayebat, a super soft cookie that melts in your mouth, Petit Four, the typical tea pastries of a lifetime and the Biscuit Nashader some cookies with different flavors.

These sweets are traditionally made at home. Formerly all the neighbors participated and children and adults sat down to mold kahk that was then taken to the large ovens of the bakeries to bake

Currently each one is baked and molded at home and many people buy it made. I personally do it at home because it has nothing to do with the outside and you control the quality of the ingredients and of course it is much cheaper!

It is believed that the kahk comes from the Pharaonic era since they have found engravings in several tombs of the Valley of the Kings. Another stories dated kahk from 10th century as we explain in the post of Kahk recipe.

NEW CLOTHING AND THE EIDIYA

The “eidiyat” is an amount of money that we receive from our beloved relatives for each Eid. The “eidiya” has always been in Egypt since generations, with its name changing throughout times and different types of gifts serving as “eidiya”.

Originally, the “eidiya” is derived from the word “Eid”which means “giving” or “kindness”, the colloquial word is used by people for the money and gifts that were distributed by the state during the two seasons of Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha.Also, the names given to the word “eidiya” differed throughout the ages.

According to historical accounts, the tradition of “eidiya” during Eid originated in Egypt during the Fatimid era, and they were known by several names at the time, among them were “drawings” and “expansion”, and the Fatimids were keen to distribute cash and clothes to citizens during the seasons of both Eid el Fitr and Eid el Adha. Eid el Fitr is followed after the holy month Ramadan, hence, the name “fitr” and Eid al Adhanamed after the traditional ritual which is sacrificing a sheep with the intention of giving people in need meat, hence the word “adha”.

The tradition of “eidiya” continued throughout the Mumluk realm, however, the name changed to Jamic “الجامكية،which specify to “buying new clothes”, hence, the concept of buying new clothes during Eid. By time the word to was altered to “eidiya”.

The value of it varied according to the social status. Some people offered “eidiya” in the forms of gold, dinars, while others were receiving dinars of silver, while the princes and senior statesmen were offering them “eidiya” in the form of a plate filled with golden dinars in addition to candy and fine food, as a gift from the ruler.

But during the Ottoman era, the way to offer Eidiya varied greatly, instead of being presented to the princes in the form of gold dinars, they became presented as gifts and cash for children.

This tradition has continued to the present day, but it is currently being presented in an attractive and innovative way.

LUNCH IN FAMILY

On the first day of Eid, the family meets at the parents’ house and everyone has lunch together. Many families make fish with ringa and fesih since many Egyptians do not eat fish during Ramadan.

VISITS AND TRAVEL

In addition to visiting relatives, visiting monuments and gardens is very normal during Eid, so all the places are packed and it is a total burden

Many people in recent years also travel to the beaches to spend a few days there, which also makes the beaches an anthill.

For me the best thing to do during Eid is stay at home because every single place is crowded

This year I’m afraid there aren’t many more options.

Have a nice day Gomaa Mubarak!

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Laylat Al Qadr: The Night of Power

Laylat Al Qadr: The Night of Power

What Is Laylat Al Qadr?

Laylat Al Qadr is considered the holiest night of the year for Muslims, and is traditionally celebrated on the 27th day of Ramadan. It is known as the “Night of Power,” and commemorates the night that the Quran was first revealed to the Prophet Muhammad SAW. The Prophet Muhammad SAW did not mention exactly when the Night of Power would be, although most scholars believe it falls on one of the odd-numbered nights of the final ten days of Ramadan, such as the 19th, 21st, 23rd, 25th, or 27th days of Ramadan. It is most widely believed to fall on the 27th day of Ramadan.

The Quran says in Surat Al-Qadr,

We have indeed revealed this (Message) in the Night of Power:

And what will explain to thee what the night of power is?

The Night of Power is better than a thousand months.

Therein come down the angels and the Spirit by Allah’s permission, on every errand:

Peace!…This until the rise of morn!

The importance of this night is also mentioned in hadith, which are the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad as remembered by his companions:

Whoever establishes the prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping to attain Allah’s rewards (not to show off) then all his past sins will be forgiven. Hadith, Bukhari Vol 1, Book 2:34.

Here are some things that we can do before, on, and after The Night of Power

1. Take some time off for Allah

We take a break from our jobs for almost everything in life. Why not this time to focus on worshiping and thanking our Creator. If this is not possible at least take a few days off if you can. This will also enable you to do Itikaf.

2. Do Itikaf

It was a practice of the Prophet to spend the last ten days and nights of Ramadan in the masjid for Itikaf. Those in Itikaf stay in the masjid all this time, performing various forms of zikr (the remembrance of Allah), like doing extra Salat, recitation and study of the Quran. They do not go outside the masjid except in case of emergencies, therefore, they sleep in the masjid. Their families or the masjid administration takes care of their food needs. Itikaf of a shorter period of time, like one night, a day or a couple of days is encouraged as well. Itikaf of 3 days starts from the 27th night of Ramadan. The pandemic may interfere with any gatherings at the masjid, so check with your local masjid.

3. Make this special Dua

Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: I asked the Messenger of Allah: ‘O Messenger of Allah, if I know what night is the night of Qadr, what should I say during it?’ He said: ‘Say: O Allah, You are pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me.’ “(Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and Tirmidhi).

4. Recite the Quran and Reflect on it’s Meaning

Perhaps you can choose Surahs or passages from the Quran which you have heard in Tarawih this past Ramadan to recite. If you attend a class where the recitation of the Quran is taught, this is a great time to put your knowledge into practice. We should always take any opportunity that we have to read the Quran and reflect on it’s meaning. Choose your favorite Surahs and read their translation. Then think deeply about their meaning and how it affects you on a personal level.

5. Eliminate Your Sins

Abu Huraira narrated that the Messenger said: Whoever stands (in prayer) in Laylatul Qadr while nourishing his faith with self-evaluation, expecting reward from Allah, will have all of his previous sins forgiven. [Bukhari and Muslim).

Try to make your prayers longer, deeper and more meaningful. If you are familiar with longer Surahs, read the translation and explanation and then pray reciting these Surahs, while reflecting on the meaning while you pray. Even if you are only familiar with the shorter Surahs, read the translation and explanation beforehand, and then pray reflecting on the message of the Surahs. This is a good way to develop the habit of concentration, even in regular prayers, where many of us tend to be easily distracted.

6. Make A List of Personal Duas

Ask yourself what you really want from Allah. Make a list of each and everything, no matter how small or how big it is. Allah loves to hear from us. Once this list is ready, you can do three things:

Ask Allah to give you those things
Think about what actions you have taken to get those things
Develop a work plan to get those things in future.

7. Evaluate yourself.

Ask yourself those questions that need to be asked. Do an evaluation of where you are and where you are going. Let this evaluation lead you to feel happiness for the good you have done and remorse for the bad you have done. Feeling remorse should make it easier to seek Allah’s sincere forgiveness when making dua.

8. Make sincere Duas

One of the best times to do this is during the last part of the 27th night of Ramadan.

Abu Huraira, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet said: When the last one-third of the night remains, our Lord, the Glorious One descends towards the heaven of the earth and proclaims: Who is that who supplicates for Me, and I grant his supplication? Who is that who begs Me for anything and I grant it to him? And who is that who seeks My forgiveness, and I forgive him? (Bukhari, Muslim).

That means for instance, waking up one hour before Suhoor time to ask Allah for anything and everything you want that is Halal. This can be done using the Duas of the Sunnah, but also Dua in your own language, with sincerity and conviction.

9. Have Iftar with the family

With many of us having to continue to work, chances are we have missed out on a lot of family time. Now is the time, during these last few days that we should make the maximum effort to spend with our family.

10. Take the family to Tarawih

Have you or your spouse and kids missed Tarawih most of Ramadan because of work or other commitments? If so, do all of yourselves a favor and bring everyone for Tarawih in these last ten nights.

11. Read a Book about The Prophet SAW

Read about the Prophet’s life, which can increase your love for him and Islam by seeing how much he struggled for Allah’s sake. It may inspire you to push yourself even harder during these last ten nights. This community is built on sacrifice.

12. Make a Plan for the Next Year

Once you’ve done a self-evaluation, you can plan on where you want to go, at least in the next 12 months. Laylatul Qadr is a great night to be thinking about this (without taking away from your worship), since you’ll Insha Allah, be in a more contemplative state. You may choose to dedicate one night of power for evaluation and one night for planning for the next year.

13. Make a to do list for the Night of Power

Make a to do checklist for each Night of Power. This should define how you would like your night, the one better than a thousand months, to be used. Pick things from this list and define the sequence you would like to do things in. This will help you avoid wasting your time in unproductive chats which are common in the festive atmosphere of Masjids at the Night of Power.

May all of our Duas be accepted and answered on this special night. Ameen InshaAllah

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

Author: Amirazz