Author: Rebecca Pena Hikal

The Second 10 Days of Ramadan

During these second ten days, we need to make sure that we forgive anyone we have had a falling out with. If we are holding any sort of grudge, anger, bitterness, or pain, we need to let it go. Holding on to these feelings will help neither one of us. In fact we could be missing out on Allah’s forgiveness because of it. We must take the first steps towards healing and repairing those relationships, as Allah forgives those who have a forgiving nature.

The Prophet (saw) said about the blessed month of Ramadan: 

“And it is a month, the first (part) of which is mercy, the middle ( part) which is forgiveness, and the last( part) which is freedom from the Fire.” [ Ibn Khuzaimah]

Allah (swt) in His infinite compassion and generosity has given us many ways to seek His forgiveness at any time. This is something that we can easily do throughout the day. 

One Minute of tasbeeh 

Salma Umm Rafi said: “ O Messenger of Allah, teach me some words, but not too much for me.” The Messenger of Allah ( swt) said: “ Say Allah is the greatest” ten times. Allah Almighty will say, “ This is for me.” Say “ Glory be to Allah” ten times. Allah Almighty will say, “This is for me.” Say “ O Allah, forgive me.” Allah will say “ I have done so.” If you say it 10 times, Allah will say each time, “ I have done so.” [ Tabarani]

This is a reminder that is simple and quick and can therefore be said at any time. Simply by saying Allahu Akbar ten times and SubhanAllah ten times, and then seeking Allah’s forgiveness, Allah will promise to forgive us by saying I have done so every time we ask his forgiveness.

 Charity

Giving charity is not only a way to obtain reward while helping others. Charity is one of the easiest ways that we can show good deeds. It could be done by simply smiling at someone, saying a good word, or if you are able to, a quick on-line donation. 

Forgive and You Will be Forgiven

The Prophet ( saw) said:, “ Be merciful to others and you will receive mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you.” [ Ahmad] 

During these second ten days, we need to make sure that we forgive anyone we have had a falling out with. If we are holding any sort of grudge, anger, bitterness, or pain, we need to let it go. Holding on to these feelings will help neither one of us.  In fact we could be missing out on Allah’s forgiveness because of it. We must take the first steps towards healing and repairing those relationships, as Allah forgives those who have a forgiving nature. 

Make Daily du’a for others

Not only should we pray for our own forgiveness, but we should also seek forgiveness for our loved ones as well. 

Abdullah ibn Sarjis (ra) reported “ I met the Prophet (saw) and I ate a meal of stew with him. I said, “I ask Allah to forgive you, O Prophet.” The Prophet said, “ Yes and for you as well.” Then the Prophet recited the verse, “Seek forgiveness for your sins and for the believing men and women as well” [47:19]. [Muslim]

Seeking forgiveness for others is therefore the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw). Plus when you make du’a for others, an angel requests that Allah answers the same du’a for you. 

The Messenger of Allah (saw) said, “ There is no Muslim servant who supplicates for his brother behind his back but that the angel says, “ And for you the same.” [Muslim]

Daily Iftar for Others

Another way that giving to others can bring forgiveness is by providing ifta for a fasting person. This does not necessarily mean cooking for them. It could be something as simple as giving them dates or providing them with a glass of water. You can also make online donations to the many organizations that provide meals to the many hungry people all over the world. 

The Messenger of Allah ( saw) said, “ Whoever provides iftar for a fasting person in it ( Ramadan), then that shall be a forgiveness for his ( minor) sins and freedom from the Fire.” [ Ibn Khuzaimah]

Make Wudu as often as possible

The Messenger of Allah ( saw) said: “ A Muslim man does not perform ablution in an excellent manner and then performs prayer, but that Allah will forgive him for what occurred between his prayer and the next.” [ Bukhari]

One thing that we can do is increase our voluntary prayers throughout the day and make Wudu before all of them. 

Pray at night

All that was mentioned above are forms of worship that can be done in a few minutes at any time throughout the day, but it is also encouraged to a good part of our night in prayer, if we are able to. Even though many of us are not able to go to the masjid, we can pray Taraweeh by ourselves or with our families. 

Abu Huraira reported, “ The Messenger of Allah ( saw) encouraged standing for the night prayer during the month of Ramadan, without imposing it on them. The Prophet would say,” Whoever stands in prayer during Ramadan due to faith and seeking reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.” [ Bukhari]

Trust in Allah’s Forgiveness

This Ramadan, as you seek Allah’s forgiveness, it is important to trust Allah and hold on to hope. Whether you are making du’a, giving charity, or praying at night, trust that Allah (swt) will forgive you and have faith in His infinite mercy. 

“ O child of Adam indeed,  as long as you have called upon Me and placed your hope in Me, I forgave you and did not mind, despite whatever was in it, ( i.e. despite what you have done.) O child of Adam, if you had sins piling up to the clouds and then asked for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and I would not mind. O child of Adam, if you came to me with enough sins to fill the earth and then you met Me, I would come to you with enough forgiveness to fill the earth. [Tirmidhi] 

Do not ever doubt in Allah’s forgiveness. In these second ten days, put all of your effort into seeking His forgiveness. Trust that Allah will see our sincerity and repentance and erase all of our sins InshaAllah. May Allah make us among those who are forgiven this Ramadan. Ameen

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

Ramadan Re-boost!

Here we are, almost halfway through the blessed month of Ramadan, subhanAllah! While we should be grateful that there is still another half of Ramadan left, full of opportunities to do even more, many of us are feeling a bit down at this time of the month. We are disappointed in what we haven’t been able to accomplish so far, worried that the end of the month will be here before we know it, and lacking motivation or stamina to do more right now.

We go through these emotions every year: we start the month so strong and all of a sudden we just see the days go by and we become sad at the idea that Ramadan is almost over and that, this year again, we won’t accomplish our Ramadan goals. The good news is: it doesn’t have to be this way! Here are a few tips to get back on track insha’Allah.

It’s normal to feel like you are not doing enough

It’s okay to feel this way as long as we are not letting it discourage us from striving even more. For the believer, it’s a completely healthy thing to think that we could be doing more, that we haven’t done enough. Even competing with others in good deeds is something that is part of our deen, as long as we nurture those feelings and act upon them in a positive way.

Make sure to push away negative feelings and replace them with positive ones:

  • Envy/jealousy: feeling like others are doing better than you and it frustrates you? Say “Masha’Allah” and let them be your source of inspiration and motivation: what are they doing that you could do as well? Giving charity, making extra prayer, volunteering, showing good character? And make sure to thank Allah SWT for surrounding you with good examples.
  • Disappointment: feeling disappointed in yourself? Ask for Allah’s SWT forgiveness and help so that you can find ways to do more. Also remember that anything can be considered an act of worship if you set the intention to do it for the sake of Allah SWT alone! For instance: instead of reluctantly doing the dishes and feeling like you’re the only one taking care of house chores, have the intention to do those things to please Allah SWT and make your house a clean place during this blessed month! It’s also okay to ask the other household members to help with the chores, but ask nicely and let them do things their way. 
  • Lack of motivation: feeling like it’s already too late because you haven’t started Ramadan right? It’s never too late alhamdulillah!

The importance of the middle 10 days

It’s easy to lose sight of the importance of the middle 10 days of Ramadan because we are over our initial “emaan rush” of the first 10 days, maybe exhausted, and in a waiting mood for the last 10 days to search for Laylat ul-Qadr, and then celebrate Eid. But the middle 10 days are just as important because they are part of the blessed month of Ramadan and represent as many opportunities to seek Allah’s SWT forgiveness and do good deeds as the first 10 or last 10 days! 

Allah SWT has made the whole month of Ramadan a blessed and special time of year for Muslims, not just the first 10 and/or the last 10 days of it. So do your best not to neglect this time of the month, or think that you can relax now and do less so that you can do more in the last 10 days, you will lose the precious momentum of these middle 10 days.

 How do you spend your days during Ramadan?

Some studies conducted in Muslim countries in previous years have shown a huge increase in TV and online video streaming viewership during the month of Ramadan. This is most likely the case for Muslim homes in non-Muslim countries as well. Let’s give the benefit of the doubt and assume that there is a spike in interest in Islamic lectures and Quran recitation videos during this time of year.

Check yourself and be honest: how much time are you spending scrolling through social media posts, binge watching the latest shows, or watching the news for three hours straight before iftar?

It’s not too late to make a few changes to your daily routine! Ask Allah SWT for His help and try this out:

  • Whenever you feel like checking your social media, make dua instead.
  • Whenever you feel like watching another episode of that show, pick up the Quran and read instead, even if it’s a translation.
  • Whenever you feel yourself reaching out for that remote again, consider enrolling in a Quran class to keep you busy everyday at that time and increase your understanding of the Book of Allah SWT!

If you feel like you can’t do this on your own, ask a close friend to become your Ramadan buddy to check on you and help you be accountable. 

Make a plan for the remainder of Ramadan

If you didn’t make a plan prior to the start of Ramadan, or if you had one but haven’t been able to keep up, it’s not too late: just make a new one from now! Start over. 

Making a plan increases your chances of success. Of course, outcomes are always with Allah SWT, and all we can do is put in our best effort insha’Allah. But it’s difficult to put in efforts in something that hasn’t been planned, especially over such a long timeframe.

 Remember less is more but be consistent 

Sometimes all we need is to be more realistic with what we can and cannot achieve during Ramadan, especially when we have other obligations that we can’t push to the side for a whole month (work, studies, taking care of children especially when they are young, taking care of elderly parents, etc.). We start the month with a boost of emaan alhamdulillah, but we use it all up and by day 10 we are completely burnt out, and can’t even get up for suhoor anymore. Sometimes we even miss fajr, may Allah SWT forgive us.

Instead of pouring all of our energy and emaan all at once, let’s think about small deeds that we can do more consistently and while still keeping enough energy to fulfill our other duties. Remember that it’s better to fulfill our obligations (this includes praying our obligatory prayers on time, continue to be a good employee at work or a good student in school, taking care of and helping our families) and do less extra good deeds, than do many/big extra good deeds and fail at our obligations.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Make dhikr while doing the house chores, 
  • Automate daily payments to charities you want to support (it can be a small amount of money, whatever you can afford), 
  • Listen to a lecture about the Quran while cooking, and the list goes on…

Abu Huraira (may Allah SWT be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.” (Sunan Ibn Mājah 4240)

Focus on what you can do now

This is really important because our mind easily gets stuck on what we have – or haven’t – done in the past, what we have missed out on, and what the consequences might be. At the end of the day though, we cannot change what is behind us, and we have no power over the future, so let’s focus on the present.

Do ask for Allah’s SWT forgiveness for the wrong you have done, or for what you have not done while you should have, have hope that He SWT will grant it to you, and ask for His help moving forward. Then focus on what you can do in the present moment and work on your worship plan for the rest of the blessed month of Ramadan.

Ramadan is such a special time of year alhamdulillah! There is so much barakah (blessing) in it and so much we can gain from it, but we need to put in our best effort to make the most of it. Yes, the devils are chained and the gates of Hell are closed, but our nafs (our ego, our own self) is still here, wide awake, so don’t let it loose: put it to work in ways that are pleasing to Allah SWT so that you may earn the best of rewards in this Holy month insha’Allah.

The Prophet (saw) said about the blessed month of Ramadan: “And it is a month, the first ( part) of which is mercy, the middle ( part) of which is forgiveness, and the last ( part) of which is freedom from the Fire.” [ Ibn Khuzaimah] 

We are in the second 10 days of Ramadan. This is a time that we should ask Allah ( swt) for forgiveness. The Second Ashra (Second 10 Days of Ramadan) signifies the plead of “Astaghfaar”, translated as “Atonement” from ALLAH Almighty, for all the wrongdoings committed knowingly or unknowingly. These ten days of Ramadan are the days of Forgiveness, Seek ALLAH’s forgiveness and repent for all sins. May Allah SWT allow us all to reap the countless benefits and rewards of this blessed month and accept all our acts of worship, ameen! 

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

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Day 2 Tips For Reverts Struggling

Author: Rebecca Pena

Practice as much as you can

He who loves my Sunnah has loved me, and he who loves me will be with me in Paradise. – The Prophet Muhammad (Tirmidhi)

As a new Muslim, you will have trouble keeping up with prayers every day, fasting during Ramadan, and the many other practices that come with the beautiful faith.  The struggles that we face are difficult and will take some time to adjust and get used to this new and beautiful way of life. Please remember that this is all new to you, so you need time to adjust. You need to remember awkward moments are bound to happen. Let it happen and do things at your own pace. Remember Allah swt knows your intentions. 

You don’t need to do everything at once. You don’t suddenly need to start covering or start waking up for Tahajjud (extra prayers) in the morning. Ease yourself into it so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. If you have problems with certain practices, then take your time in learning how to do them properly. 

Pray Constantly 

Make constant prayer to Allah, take a deep breath and carry on at your own pace. You will get there InshaAllah!  Do read the Qur’an whenever possible with meaning, or just the meanings if you’re new to it so that you understand what is being said. It’s important to read the Quran with meaning as this is the book that is untouched. It gives you the most authentic advice, straight from Allah (SWT). When you have just reverted everything can seem overwhelming. Prayer is how we connect with Allah swt. Keeping this connection strong will help us to feel His constant guidance, comfort, and peace. 

Remember To Respect your Parents

You’ve made a huge decision and reverted to Islam. How do you handle things with your family who are non-muslims? What do you do when they not only do not understand, but are completely against the choice you have made? It is important to keep a good relationship with your family, whether they are Muslim or not. You never know when someone may be inspired by you! Try to avoid bringing up or taking part in controversial subjects regarding religion if they are not happy about your choice. Instead, talk about other things that you may have in common or enjoy doing together. If your parents are quite upset about you reverting, and talking about it seems to create uncomfortable situations, avoid talking about it all together. Wait until they calm down a little bit. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but remember your parents will eventually accept that Islam is not going to turn you into a terrorist. They will also accept that you’re not suddenly going to start preaching to them 24/7.They will soon realize that you are the same person that you have always been, even better. InshaAllah.

If you’re able to show them compassion, love and patience they will at least start to respect your decision. They may even take a genuine interest in trying to understand Islam. Arguing with them, being rude, being overly defensive will just cause heartache for both of you and confirm to them that you have chosen the wrong religion. And to be honest, you are actually showing them the opposite of what Islam is really about. Also, don’t break up with non-Muslim friends unless they are constantly partying or using the list of major sins as their weekend to-do list. You can be a light to your Christian, Agnostic, Jewish, or Atheist friends. You never know who Allah (SWT) will guide, and showing that you are living an ethical life can encourage these people to learn a little about Islam or change their mind to having a positive view of the religion.

Yes, struggles as a revert Muslim are there, but you don’t have to make things worse for yourself by assuming certain things are no longer allowed. You will only end up isolating yourself and end up depressed. 

Don’t Get Discouraged

Being a revert, you will face a lot of trials and tests.  But remember with every test comes ease. Allah (SWT) guided you towards Islam and He will continue to guide you. Remember whatever struggles you have, never look for people to ease your struggles, your ultimate goal should always be to seek solace and guidance from Allah (SWT). Also, keep in mind, born Muslims have their own struggles. Some of them are led down the wrong path, some don’t even know much about Islam despite being born into such a beautiful religion. Yes, struggles as a revert Muslim will be there but everyone is fighting their own battles, never assume that someone else can help you, you need to keep faith in Allah. Spread love and knowledge and InshaAllah, Allah swt will also provide you with guidance and support.

Find Your People

Another one of the biggest struggles revert Muslims face is loneliness. You have just told some of your family and friends that you’ve made the biggest decision of your life and you find that many of them either take a step back or walk away all together. On top of that you have had a hard time finding your own circle of support.Try to find local community groups or other people nearby that may also be going through what you’re going through. That way you can have weekly lunches, study sessions on Islam etc. If you cannot find anyone within your community or nearby, then there are many Facebook groups with Muslim sisters in that you can join. Alhamdulillah. I found a huge support system through the many support groups on Facebook. Before Amirazz there were many sister groups. 

Remember Who You Are

Being a Muslim is now a part of your identity. But this doesn’t mean that you have to cut off everything from your previous life. You can still keep your name unless it has a forbidden or undesirable meaning. A lot of revert Muslims can have the mistaken belief that you have to change your name. Also, some things are just common sense. Vegetables are still ok to eat, reading this may feel weird but fish, vegetables, rice etc at non-muslim barbecues are still allowed, they don’t become haram as these are permissible foods. A lot of things will still be allowed, but often new Muslims will get confused as to what is halal or haram. So you can barbeque with your friends or watch football on Sundays. If there are things in your culture that do not directly contradict with basic Islamic commands, then you are welcome to keep those things in your life. If you like Sunday roast, you can still have it as long as it is beef and halal. There are so many things that are cultural, that people will try to pass off as religious, make sure to do your research for the correct information. It is good to have a teacher who understands the subtleties of different opinions and can inform you of differences among the scholars on issues that are of concern.Remember Islam is not intended to make things difficult. So don’t make things harder on yourself. These opinions and ideas are here to help us not make things harder. 

Find A Good Islamic Teacher

It is good to have a teacher who understands the different opinions in fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and can inform you of differences among the scholars on issues that are of concern. Finding a teacher is important, one with as much knowledge as possible who also has an understanding of the English language and western culture is important. It is difficult to listen to someone that may not know what he is talking about, especially those that have come from back home, as they mix up culture a lot. You may have to test out a few teachers before you find a good one. Going to Islamic circles and talking to other brothers/sisters will help, as they can help guide you on teachers that are helpful and understanding and also teachers that carry a broad range of knowledge.

All in all, remember that you were guided to this beautiful way of life for a reason. If definitely was not intended to make your life harder. If you are going through any of these struggles we do have resources at Amirazz that can help. Please remember that you are not alone. May Allah swt give us strength and  make our journey easy for us InshaAllah.

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

Ramadan During A Pandemic

As we enter the second year observing our Holy Month in the midst of a pandemic, many of us find ourselves frustrated and discouraged. Some of the best things about this month are going to the mosque for prayer, and breaking fast with friends and family, and giving back to our communities. This pandemic has made many of these things challenging if not impossible, depending on where you live. However, it is still very possible to get the most out of this blessed month. There are several things that we can do to still enjoy every moment of this blessed month.

Author: Rebecca Pena Hikal

As we enter the second year observing our Holy Month in the midst of a pandemic, many of us find ourselves frustrated and discouraged. Some of the best things about this month are  going to the mosque for prayer, and breaking fast with friends and family, and giving back to our communities. This pandemic has made many of these things challenging if not impossible, depending on where you live. However, it is still very possible to get the most out of this blessed month. There are several things that we can do to still enjoy every moment of this blessed month. 

Stay spiritually connected without community 

Community plays an important role in spiritual connections on the individual level. Lacking the physical sense of community this year because of the social distancing measures can cause many to feel a void, here are few ways you can stay spiritually connected. Most of your local mosques allow for you to connect virtually. Check with them to see what they offer. Deepen your religious understanding through podcasts. One episode of a podcast each day can go a long way. Check podcast platforms to see if Muslim speakers you like have podcast series you can follow during Ramadan. You also can find virtual Quran recitation groups in your area to join or you can create one with your friends. Reading the Quran with its translations and interpretations will feed your brain in addition to your soul. Quran.com includes translations and tafsir (interpretations) with every verse along with reflections from individuals from around the world. 

Try new recipes to satisfy those cravings 

Cooking for Ramadan can be difficult when you’re fasting from sunrise to sunset, so setting aside time to make some new recipes this year will change things up and satisfy all those cravings.  Our very own Marisa Lopez Chicote has been posting many delicious recipes on our blog. Take a look and try some of those.  To finish off iftar and help stay awake through night prayers, try making some Turkish coffee.  Serve with your favorite desserts — I recommend taking a look at some of Sister Marisa’s blog posts! 

Virtual iftars and suhoors

As much as we miss our gatherings with friends and family, you should stay safe. But just because you can’t invite guests over for iftar, doesn’t mean you have to have your meals alone. Setting up how many meals you want to share with others virtually and scheduling them in advance will give you some of that experience. For easier and more time-efficient scheduling, you can create a calendar for every meal you want to have with a virtual guest and share your information with friends and family. Calendy is a free app that you can use to do this. Friends and family will be able to see what days are available to them and sign up. They do not need to have an account, and the slots that are taken will not be available to other guests to see so you will not double book yourself.

Pray

Ramadan is a month of spiritual growth; it’s an opportunity to gain new habits that can continue throughout the year. For many Muslims, fulfilling their daily five prayers is one of the habits they want to leave Ramadan with.  Set goals. If you do not pray five times a day outside Ramadan, set prayer goals before Ramadan and follow up on a planner and calendar. Tracking your goals will help you set more realistic goals for future Ramadans and chart your progress during the year. If you already are in the habit of praying five times a day, consider adding extra prayers especially for nights. If you are struggling with prayer, find a prayer buddy to check on each other’s goals and encourage one another throughout the month. Set reminders. You can use the prayer app or set alarms on your phone if you need to pray around your schedule. Designate a space. Having your prayer-appropriate clothing, prayer beads and mat in a designated space will not only make it easier for you to accomplish your prayer goals, but also will get you in the mood for the holiday. Here in our home we have made a designated space strictly for prayer. ( see below)

Get festive and decorate 

String up some lights, hang up “Happy Ramadan” signs and put together a date and dessert plate to fill your home with the Ramadan spirit. You can find many items on-line if you don’t already have some. I personally have used The Eid Shop and My Royal House. As you can see I have found many beautiful, affordable items. ( see below)

Donate and help others this Ramadan season 

Charity is important all year long, but it is believed to be much more rewarding during Ramadan. Many Muslim-run organizations depend on sadaqah (donations) for fundraising. Check out your local organizations and donate what you can. You can find many of these organizations throughout social media. 

Although, we’d hoped we would be spending Ramadan the way we have so many times before, it doesn’t mean we can not enjoy it all just the same. Remember what Ramadan is all about. Getting closer to Allah swt. Self reflection. Sure we miss all of the togetherness, but remember Allah swt is the best company we could be in.  

May Allah swt keep us all safe. InshaAllah 

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

When We Question the Will of Allah

Rebecca Pena Hikal

muslima, muslim woman, eyes

We pray, we fast, we follow the rules and laws that have been sent down to us by our Creator. We do the absolute best that we can do to live a life that pleases Allah swt. So what happens when after all of that, we sincerely ask for His help in something that we genuinely need, and our request seems to have gone unanswered, or worse we receive an answer that we didn’t want. Why does He remove things from our lives that we clearly need? Why does he put us in situations that we know we can’t handle? Why does He give us tests that seem impossible to pass? Why, why, why????? 

I keep going back to 2017 when my husband lost his job. I learned so many lessons that year.  And in such an unfair manner. Why? He did nothing wrong, and Allah knows how much we depended on his income. So why allow something like that to happen? I lost count of the number of times I asked why. Sherif however, would always say: you have a plan, I have a plan, but He is the greatest of planners. 

Allah swt had a plan for you before you were born, and He still has a plan for you. Allah’s plan for you is necessary and glorious. His plan is vital to your success and important to the world. There is no doubt that Allah has decreed everything that happens in the universe from the beginning of time to the end. 

“Know you not that Allah knows all that is in heaven and on the earth? Verily, it is (all) in the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz). Verily, that is easy for Allah” (Quran, al-Hajj 22:70)

Everything happens by the will of Allah. Whatever He wills happens, and whatever he does not will does not happen. Nothing in this life happens without His say so. So knowing this, why do we continuously ask why? Is our faith that small or rather weak? Do we not trust Him? Allah (swt) loves us many times more than even our own mothers. Sometimes, He takes things away from us or puts us through experiences that give us pain. But He always does what is best for us. We may not see it now. We may not see it for years. We may not see it till the next world. But we must have faith that whatever He does is always for the best. There is always some good in a loss, in a trial, in a difficulty, or in a suffering. Trust Allah. He is Al-Hakeem, the Most Wise. He is Al-Aleem, the Most Knowing.

How many times have you been upset at how things are unravelling only to understand some months or years down the line that this is how it was intended to be. How many times do you find yourself looking back over the years and realizing why certain things indeed happened for the best? Sometimes time helps us understand, but at other times, it is difficult even to understand years later why something was for the best. At times like these it helps to remember the trials and difficulties the Prophets and other righteous people in the past have faced and how seemingly unfavorable circumstances have turned out for the best. The Quran is filled with such stories. When your heart is heavy with grief and you find Shaytan putting thoughts like ‘why me?’ and ‘what good can there be in this?’ in your mind, go back to the Quran. Read the stories of the Prophets and the righteous about how they were tested. Musa pbuh mother was told to throw her newborn baby into the river, Yaqub pbuh was separated from his son Yusuf pbuh for years, Maryam  gave birth to a baby alone and feared accusations by those around her. Each of these circumstances turned out to be for the best. Musa pbuh was returned to his mother even as he grew up in the palace of Pharaoh which was necessary to prepare him for his task ahead. Yusuf pbuh had to be left by his brothers in the well to reach the positions that he reached later. And Maryam was honored throughout history and was defended by her infant son.

“If we had perfect power to determine our destinies, and perfect vision to see the future and know what is best for us, we would choose exactly the fate that Allah has chosen for us.” – Imam al-Ghazali (rahimahullah)

Part of our belief in Allah, part of our trust in Him is to have faith in Him being All-Knowing and the Most Wise. Difficulties and trials give us the opportunity to practice this belief. When we are brought to our knees by difficult circumstances, when we see our plans failing and when we are blocked by circumstances beyond our control, it is difficult to see the good in the situation. But when we tell our hearts that there must be some good in this, that Allah (swt) has a plan for us, we set our hearts on the path towards healing. Trusting Allah means that we tell ourselves to move forward on the path He puts us on even when it hurts. Trusting Allah means we do not question His decree, even as the tears stream down our faces. Trusting Allah means we have faith that He will bring us through this and place us exactly on the path that we are meant to be on, and that we will eventually understand why this was for the best. InshaAllah

Sometimes when we do not understand how something was for the best, or when we feel overwhelmed with emotions, it helps to just turn to Allah and talk to Him about your feelings. Cry out to Him and tell Him how you feel. Yaqub (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَام) said “I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah” (Yusuf 12:86)

Ask Allah to heal you and give peace to your heart. Ask Him to help you understand how this was for the best. Ask Him for the strength to stay strong and move forward. Allah has a plan for each and every one of us. We must trust His plan. 

“When Allah tests you it is never to destroy you. When He removes something in your possession, it is only in order to empty your hands for an even greater gift.” – Ibn al Qayyim

About the Author: Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

How To Be A Supportive Wife

Rebecca Pena

“And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from among yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this, there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21)”

Allah (SWT) has created for each of us a spouse, and He explains that one of the goals of marriage is that both husband and wife find comfort in each other. The world is difficult and filled with trials and tribulations. Allah (SWT) made our spouses so that we can find support and comfort with them in times of difficulty. The idea of love how it happens can also be explained by this verse when Allah says,

“and He has placed between you, love and mercy.”

So what happens when difficulties do arise? Marriage is full of ups and downs and isn’t always going to be bunnies and rainbows. There are going to be times when things become difficult and you will need to rely on one another for support. How can one do this when they too are experiencing said difficulties? How can you be a supportive wife when you are feeling those same emotions of stress, anger and hurt as your husband?

In 2017 my husband was wrongfully terminated from his high paying position with the company that he worked for. I had been a stay at home mom for the last 8 years. There he was, hurt and angry, trying to process everything that had just taken place. He was worried about how we were going to pay our bills. Coming from a culture where the man is the breadwinner, and he was, he was embarrassed and ashamed at the thought of my having to go back to work while he stayed home. While he was going through a series of emotions, and rightfully so, I too was stressed, angry, thinking about how I now needed to go back to work in order to support our family until he found another job. How on earth was I going to be the supportive wife I knewI needed to be? I was just as emotionally distraught as he was. In fact, me being the over emotional one out of the two of us, I was probably adding more stress to his plate by crying all of the time. One of the hardest things for me was to pull myself together and be there for my husband as he went through this difficult time in his life. Rather than add more stress to his plate, I needed to love, support, and help him push through this. 

Life is full of  challenges, but as a Muslimah you have to be strong and ensure that no matter what happens you will be by your husbands side.

Allah tells us that:

We have certainly created man into hardship 90:4

Bear with patience whatever befalls you 31:17

No matter what, you have to let him know that you are there for him. That you will stick by his side no matter how rough things may get. Here are some things that we as wives can do to help the situation. 

Pray for Him

One of the best ways that we can show that we love our husbands is to pray for them. When Allah loves a believer, He tests him, therefore pray to Allah so He may grant him strength and courage to endure any hardship that may come his way. Not only pray for him, but pray with him.  Praying together helps you show and receive trust, and  that strengthens the bonds of intimacy in your relationship.

 And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but good tidings to the patient. Surat Baqarah 2:155

Do Not Complain

This can be difficult for me at times. When the chips are down, sometimes it is my first instinct to complain. Although my complaints are not necessarily directed towards my husband, it still affects him in a negative way only making matters worse. One of the characteristics of the believers is that they praise Allah in all the situations. No matter how difficult.  Therefore, be courageous and try to remain calm. Stay strong and know that He will provide a way InshaAllah.  Do not complain about the difficulties you’re in or what you are going through. Complaining doesn’t help. It will only make already existing tensions rise, and will also serve as a reminder of everything going on. Your husband does not need to be reminded of his problems. Trust me, he is already very well aware. He needs to be reminded that he is not alone, that things will be okay InshaAllah, that he is loved. So try to remain calm throughout the storm. Ask Allah swt to give you strength so that you can be the wife that he needs you to be. 

Propose Some Ideas to Solve the Problem

Brainstorm. Try to come up with ideas to help. Even if you don’t have a solution, think of ways to help and or minimize the problem. Do not give up if option one fails, try to come up with as many proposals as possible. This will help  him realize that you are equally concerned about his trials. This will also show him that you are willing to help. 

Give Him Time/ Space

Quality time between husband and wife is  crucial and very important especially if one of the parties is going through hard times. Let him know that you are there for him no matter what. It’s times like this, although they may not say it outright, but our husbands need us most. Take care of him. Try not to let him see you grieve too much. Trust Allah swt. 

At times he may need his space and time alone. Respect that and don’t take it personal. Men are different from women. Whereas most women are more open to talking about their problems, a lot of men tend to shut down. Just be there, but don’t be too overbearing or pushy. If he knows that you’re there, he’ll come to you when he is ready. 

Be his advocate

If he knows that you are behind him 100%,, he’ll be stronger and more able to tackle the world. It’s said that behind every great man is a great woman, and this should absolutely be true in a Muslim marriage. When times are tough, he needs to know that you stand behind him and trust him to make the best decisions for your family. 

Listen to him

Although chances are he may not want to talk too much about what is stressing him out, let him know that you are there if he ever does. Sometimes just him knowing that you are there to listen, can help him to find some peace. Knowing that there is someone who cares. 

Cheer Him up

It may be difficult but try to make him smile. Smiling to your fellow Muslim is Sunnah, imagine smiling to your soul mate, you don’t only get rewards but you also enjoy it as wife. 

Trials will come. We will be tested. And when they do, remember to be there for one another. Ease the hardship for one another. By doing so you are not only fulfilling your responsibilities as a wife, but you are in fact strengthening your marriage. 

 May Allah grant ease to all the couples who are going through difficulties. Ameen 

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

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