Rebecca Pena

Fasting

Nothing tastes better than that first sip of water or that first date after 12 to 15 hours of fasting.

Fasting  is one of the five pillars of Islam and an obligation to all Muslims excused by conditions such as  pregnancy, breastfeeding, illness, or other chronic health conditions. If you are not sure of any health conditions that you may have, please consult with your physician to make sure that fasting is okay for you. 

Stop Fasting If You Feel Unwell

During a fast, you may feel a little tired, hungry and irritable, but you should never feel unwell. To keep yourself safe, especially if you are new to fasting, consider limiting your fast periods and keeping a snack on hand in case you start to feel faint or ill. 

“[Observing Saum (fasts)] for a fixed number of days, but if any of you is ill or on a journey, the same number (should be made up) from other days. And as for those who can fast with difficulty, (e.g. an old man, etc.), they have (a choice either to fast or) to feed a Miskin (poor person) (for every day). But whoever does good of his own accord, it is better for him. And that you fast, it is better for you if only you know.”

— Quran: 2:184

For those fasting for the first time, or after a long absence, here are a few tips for Muslims to make sure you have a blessed and successful Ramadan fast. 

1 – Overcome Your Fears About Dry Fasting

One thing that many converts to Islam mention as a big fear is to go without water for long stretches at a time, especially during the hot summer months. We’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s extremely unhealthy to go without food and water. However, for most adults, not eating and drinking is more about mindset than any real danger to our bodies. Unless we have chronic health issues or conditions that might prevent us from successfully fasting, dry fasting for the month of Ramadan is perfectly safe. Going without food and drink for extended periods of time is actually called “dry fasting.” Reading more about the practice of dry fasting without water from multiple sources can help you get over any mental blocks. And again, If this is your first time fasting please check with your health care provider before making any decisions.

2 – Keep Your Intention to Please Allah (SWT)

Keeping your intention for pleasing Allah is essential to a successful Ramadan. Make the intention that your fast is for Allah alone. Make dua that Allah makes it easy for you and also that He accepts your fast for His sake.

“Sahl bin Sa’d (RA) reported Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying: “In Paradise there is a gate which is called Rayyan through which only the people who fast would enter on the Day of Resurrection. None else would enter along with them. It would be proclaimed: Where are the people who fast that they should be admitted into it? And when the last of them would enter, it would be closed and no one would enter it.” [Muslim]

Observing Ramadan is one of the most rewarding acts of worship (ibadah). Read about the virtues of fasting. It will refresh your faith and give you the boost to restrict hunger, thirst, bad habits, and other desires. 

3 – Do Practice Fasts

Start with a few fasts beforehand. Aim to fast before the blessed month to understand your body clock, thirst level, and the quantities and types of foods that keep you active and alert.

If possible, fast a few days in the month and weeks before Ramadan starts to see how your body responds and what it can tolerate. 

This is especially important if you haven’t fasted before or it has been a very long time since you last fasted. It applies also for kids who are trying to fast for the first time. Fasting a few days beforehand can help get your body used to the idea so it’s not as much of a shock to your system when Ramadan starts.

Practicing fasting before Ramadan does wonders. However, it’s not advised to do practice fasts in the few days just before Ramadan, since the Prophet has directed us not to:

“Abu Hurayrah (AS) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “Do not anticipate Ramadan by fasting one or two days before it begins, but if a man habitually fasts, then let him fast” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

4 – Take Your Healthy Eating to the Next Level

Ramadan is not only about gaining closeness to Allah swt, it is also about detoxing the mind, spirit and body. So it’s a good time to stay away from unhealthy foods while you try to eat as clean as possible.The first week of Ramadan is usually the hardest as your body adjusts to the drastic change. By week two you will generally feel better. By weeks three and four it will become more a matter of thirst, not hunger, during the day.

5 – Eat a Moderate-sized Healthy Meal for Both Suhoor and Iftar

Have a proper meal, even at suhoor. A meal with fruits, veggies, slow release carbs, and protein will keep your energy level up as much as possible. These 10 mason-jar prepare-ahead meals are a great place to start. Bean-based meals can make you gassy So beans, while filling, may be best avoided in Ramadan.Smoothies and shakes are another great way to get all your nutrients in quickly – especially if you struggle to wake up or you wake up late. Keep some smoothie ingredients prepped ahead of time on days when you are in a rush to eat something for suhoor. Dates are also a sunnah to break your fast with because they contain beneficial micronutrients and quick energy. You can also include them in other dishes and smoothies as well. 

 

6 – Focus on Hydration

Being hydrated is the most important. But it can be hard and uncomfortable to drink a lot of water (especially if in countries where the night is very short).Get in as much water, fresh veggies, and fruit (watermelon is a treat) as you can for suhoor or iftar. Fruit can help you get in that extra water intake. Watery fruits are a plus and perfect for suhoor. lots of regular water will replenish you. Coconut water is also really hydrating 

 

7 – Remember You’re Not Just Fasting From Food

Mindset is super important when it comes to fasting for an entire month. Remember that you’re not fasting from food and drink, you’re fasting and refraining from bad habits as well. The key is mindfulness of Allah swt. This includes fasting from wrongdoing, haram ( forbidden) actions, bad habits, and other desires. In Ramadan, more than just eating and drinking breaks our fast. Read and learn what all of these things are. Seeking the right knowledge will dispel confusions regarding what breaks the fast, what doesn’t and what all you would have to do to make up for it. 

8 – Take Power Naps

You may find that a power nap of one or two sleep cycles in the heat of the day can help both pass the time and boost your energy and productivity. A power nap can also help you feel more refreshed for the evening Taraweeh prayers.

Other people may find that naps leave them feeling more hungry or lethargic. Do what works for you and your body and leave the rest.

9 – Listen to Your Body and Know Your Limits

Finding Ramadan and fasting difficult is part of the test. You can share that you are finding it difficult and should never be made to feel inadequate. There is nothing wrong with your faith if you find the fast difficult. But, remember to ask Allah to make it easy for you.

If you need to break your fast for a valid reason – like illness, travelling, pregnancy or breastfeeding  – do it. Don’t guilt yourself. Focus on trying your best and know your limits.

Fasting takes time and practice and many other Muslims have been doing it for most of their lives.

Remember, everyone finds the first few fasts hard. It takes time for our body to adjust and for us to generally get into a new routine. May Allah swt make it easy for everyone and accept all of our fasts for His sake. Ameen https://www.youtube.com/embed/oYTUptOqNNY?feature=oembed

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

 

 

 

Authors: Sherif Hikal and Rebecca Pena Hikal

In the modern age, the status of men and women is often the topic of arguments or discussions. Islam has given great focus on having a balanced and ethical marriage that will lead to a long successful marriage InshaAllah. Our religion has explained to us a number of aspects pertaining to  the duties and responsibilities of husband and wife towards their spouses. However, due to the social customs and pressures, the requirements are twisted into patterns in order to meet the wants and needs of the society and not of the religion. Marriage being one of the targets ruined by the norms of our society. We live in a society where most people think that gender roles are considered sexist. That it is an ideology straight out of the 1950’s.. This idea that the husband works and the wife stays and takes care of the home is some sort of old fashioned  mentality. Some translate this into this idea the women are beneath men because their place is in the home, cooking ,cleaning, and taking care of any children. Some sort of inequality. While some women, myself included, are perfectly fine staying home and holding the fort down while their husband works, many are not. There are many women who work outside of the home whether because they need to or they choose to. I personally like to use the term duties or responsibilities versus “roles”, when talking about what the husband/ wife should do in order to maintain a happy, healthy environment at home. However, I’m not just talking about financial duties. I’m speaking of emotional and physical as well. Both husband and wife have many needs that should be met by their spouse.  Here are a few of the rules that we live by our home in order to do just that.

His Responsibilities – Sherif Hikal

1. Husbands are the Guardian of their Families

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, to respect her feelings, and show her kindness and consideration. Although both husband and wife are the wheels that make the vehicle go,  men are given a larger portion of qualities that make them stronger in terms of guarding their families. 

“Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others…” (4:34).

Islam has given men the responsibility of supporting their women and their families. According to our Prophet (PBUH):

 “Men are the guardians of their families and it is the responsibility of every guardian to guard those who fall under his own guardianship.” – (Mustadrak, vol 2, p 550)

What I gather from these two verses is that it is our job as husbands to protect our wives and families. We should not only protect them in the physical sense, but it is our duty as Muslim men to protect their honor and their hearts. Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family. It is very sad that this relationship which Allah swt has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.

Allah described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: 

‘ He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)  ” (Holy Quran 30:21, Yusuf Ali Translation).

2. Don’t Be a Tyrant

Regardless of whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. We are taught to treat our wives well. The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was reported to have said:

 ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives” (From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi)

3. Never Be Abusive 

Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your wife.The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, never mistreated his wives. He is reported to have said: 

‘How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night?”

I’d also like to mention something regarding verbal abuse. At times we may find ourselves frustrated or overwhelmed with whatever may be going on that day. Maybe someone has made us angry, maybe our wife has done something to upset us. Be careful with how you speak to her. No matter what the cause of frustration is, take a step back and think before you speak. Many times when we are angry or upset, we end up saying things that we wish we hadn’t. Things that we can’t take back. 

4. Show Affection

Be affectionate towards your wife. There are many ways that this can be done. Physical touch being the most obvious, but there are far more ways that we can show our affection. 

Tell her how much you appreciate her. By showing your wife gratitude and acknowledging her hard work, you will make her feel a sense of accomplishment and this will help keep her motivated to do the hard work she does. It also means that if you are grateful to your wife then you are grateful to Allah for blessing you with her company because it was Allah swt that gave you the opportunity to unite together in marriage. Thank your wife very often and tell her that you appreciate all her work and effort and say Alhamdulillah for her companionship.

5. Help and support her in her daily chores

Be your wife’s greatest support and offer to help her with any task, whether it be big or small. Your wife wants to feel like you are working together as a team to build your family and maintain your home.  

The prophet helped out around the house, serving his family often.

Al-Aswad said,

“I asked ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, ‘What did the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do when he was with his family?’ She replied, ‘He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.’”Bukhari Al Adab Al Mufrad (Sahih)

6. Listen To Her 

Men don’t always have to be solution-oriented sometimes when women open up about their issues. I know I’m not.  In fact there have been times when I myself don’t get why my wife gets as upset and emotional over some of the things that she does. However, by simply showing empathy and understanding, it  can be very therapeutic for her. Acknowledge her emotions and appreciate her perspective and give her your full attention when she speaks to you.  

7. Spend quality time with Her

Spend quality time with her at home but also try to explore other ways to build your companionship. Make time for her. I know that for me personally, work takes a lot of my time. Between that and kids and everyday life, it can be hard to find time to do anything else. Still, give her the time and attention she deserves and ask Allah swt to put barakah in the time you spend together.

An example is that of Prophet Muhammad with Aishah: One day a young group of Abyssinian men were dancing in Masjid Nabawi. Aishah said to the Prophet that she wanted to watch them. So she leans and places her chin on the shoulder of the Prophet ﷺ, his noble bodyguarding her. Her cheek was touching his cheek and her arms around him as they watched the performance in the Masjid. And he gently asks her “Are you done yet?” She said “No, not yet’ and this happened a few times. She finally moves away.

After the Prophet ﷺ passed away she confesses that “By Allah, I had no interest in watching those people dancing; I just wanted my face to be on his face”.

Her Responsibilities – Rebecca Pena- Hikal

The sacred union of marriage ties two people in a bond where they accept each other in sickness and in health, till death does them part. In the initial period of this journey, a couple is madly in love with each other and cherishes every little detail they get to know about their partner. I believe this is called the honeymoon phase. Over time, both parties realize that things are not quite as perfect as they had once seemed. Life happens. You fall on hard times for one reason or another and when the emotions take over, you start to see a different side of the person that you married. It does not mean that you love them any less, it just becomes a matter of understanding your duty as a wife.I know that when the going gets tough in our home, it’s usually Sherif who stays calm. I am the one who goes overboard. I mentioned in a previous post that he had lost his job in 2017. By this time we had already been married almost 9 years. However, it was during this time that I realized I had no clue what it meant to be a good wife. Sure I cooked, kept a clean home, took care of our children, everything that I was supposed to do…. right? Wrong. When things got tough, I panicked. I went into emotional overdrive, while he remained calm. 

“The Prophet (P.B.U.H) stated: ‘There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage’.”

“Imam Rida (R.A) stated: ‘The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy and protects his property and her own honor in his absence’.”

8.Respect Your Husband

Let’s be honest, we don’t know what our husbands go through during the day. The kinds of people they have to deal with. And if your husbands are anything like mine, the last thing that he wants to talk about or think of is work. There were times when I was insistent on talking about one issue or another as soon as he walked through the door. Not even thinking about the fact that he had just spent the last fifteen hours sitting at a desk dealing with all kinds of issues. This would lead to him getting upset, my getting more upset, words being exchanged and so on. We are supposed to respect, love and support them when they return  home from work to make them realize that they have someone who cares for him. It might get difficult for you at times to be polite and courteous to your spouse but it is necessary to do so. Teach your children to always give him the respect that he deserves. Plus, whenever he enters the house, open the door with a smile. These small things do create a good impact on the mind and heart of your husband.

9.Be Careful When Complaining

This is one area where I not only struggle, but I really had a tough time comprehending. Now I’m not saying dont bring your concerns and legitimate complaints to your husband, some things need attention and need to be discussed. However, there is a fine line between gentle reminders and full on nagging complaints. We all have things that we want to talk about at the end of the day. I personally can’t wait until my husband gets home so that I can tell him all about my day. This is also the time that I bring to his attention the behavior of our children and anything that they may have done that was not right. Remember that there is a time and place for everything. There have been many times that I was waiting at the door as soon as my husband walked in ready with my list. Not even thinking of the long, exhausting day that he may have had. Starting your list of complaints right away probably isn’t a good idea. Your husband might not say it that often, but they also do have an entire journal of problems to deal with. Don’t make him feel bad for not wanting to listen right then and there. If it’s something really urgent tell him, if not,  look for a proper time and then present your problems to him. 

“The Prophet (S) of Islam stated: ‘The prayers of a woman who teases her husband with her tongue, are not accepted (by Allah) even though she fasts every day, gets up for the acts of worship every night, sets free a few slaves and donates her wealth in the way of Allah. A bad-tongue woman who hurts her husband in this way is the first person who enters hell’.”

Trust Your Husband

We all have insecurities at the end of the day, however, it is important to be mindful of those insecurities so that they don’t take over at the worst possible times. There were  times in the beginning of our marriage that  my husband would come home from work and be so tired he wouldn’t want to talk to me or anyone for that matter. He just wanted to be alone. My mind would race as this is so not like him. Then the questions came. What happened? Why is he like this? Why doesn’t he want to talk to me? Is he upset with me? Did I say something? Well I would ultimately go and begin my interrogation which in the end, only made his day worse. Don’t take things personally. Especially if you know that you’ve done nothing wrong and he just walked through the door after a long day. Give him time to unwind. He’ll come around, you’ll see. 

Be His Peace

I read a quote somewhere that said “ Be his peace not his panic” To me, this made a lot of sense. As wives we are supposed to be his peace just as he is to be ours. We are supposed to bring out the best in one another and help the other to become better. Whatever you do as a wife, the first thing you must have at the back of your mind is that your spouse is another fellow Muslim. Hence, you have to consider your husband first as a Muslim and anything else second. You have to treat him with respect for there can be no peace in a marriage without respect. Love cannot exist in the absence of respect. Once there is respect, another thing you need to help your husband with is to help him become a better Muslim. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said of a good wife:

The best property that a man can have is a tongue that remembers Allah, a heart full of gratitude and a believing wife who assists him in his faith.

So as a Muslim wife, it is your primary duty to help your husband in his deen (faith). If he is not punctual with his duties as a Muslim, encourage and support him every step of the way. That said, you are expected to give your husband the kindest and most merciful treatment. You should be kind to your husband in your speech and manners. Your husband is human and that means that there will be moments of weakness for him too, there will be periods when he will make mistakes, do not take it out on him as the wife. Be supportive, understanding, and encouraging at all times.

Defend Him 

In addition to all that has been said earlier, another way you should treat your husband is to be his defender. The same way the husband is expected to defend your honor and pride in your presence and absence, you should also do the same for him as his wife. You should be able and willing to defend him and protect his image even when he is not around. 

As a woman, Allah (SWT) has created you to be quite different from a man. The  way he reasons and looks at issues is going to be remarkably different from yours. Now that you know this, you will have to display a lot of tolerance and patience in all you do. Almighty Allah (SWT) and the Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) told us in many instances to be very patient and tolerant in all that we do. So, you need to apply these qualities to your marriage too.

 May Almighty Allah (SWT) give Muslim couples the best in their marriages, Ameen.

About the Authors: Meet the Hikals 

Asalaam Alaikum wa- rahmatu-llahi wa- barakatuh. My name is Sherif Hikal. I am from Cairo, Egypt. I came to the United States in 1996 on a student visa and began my studies at the University of Houston. I met my wife in 2007 and we married in 2008. We have two children, an 11 year old girl, and a 8 year old boy. I work as a coordinator for an oil inspection company. When my wife began blogging for Amirazz, she would ask me to proofread her work. She is a fairly new Muslimah and from time to time asks my opinion on certain things. I have to say that I am quite proud of her MashaAllah. I noticed that although her blogs were to me, fantastic, they were all coming from a woman’s perspective. Makes sense, but what about us men? What can we do to show our love to our wives? What is our role? I offered to help her if she ever needed me to and just like the Rebecca that I know, she jumped on it straight away and went to the Amirazz team to see what they thought. I am looking forward to working on this with my wife…. I think. But no really InshaAllah through our experiences we can hopefully give some tips on how to push through those hard times, and make the most out of the best times. Marriage is not always easy. However, the important thing is to remember that we should support our wives when they need it. Be their strength when they feel weak. Love them and treat them like the queens that they are. 

Who We Are

Asalaam Alaikum wa- rahmatu-llahi wa- barakatuh. My name is Rebecca. As my husband has already stated most of who we are above, I just want to say that I am looking forward to writing a few pieces with him. I am a stay at home mom and spend most of my time with my children. Sherif and I have had our fair share of trials and tribulations throughout our marriage. We both have learned to be what we need and to not be what we don’t need. We have learned how to help carry, support, and show love to one another though those hard times. We have learned some pretty hard lessons in forgiveness as well as patience and mercy. Our goal is to help in any way that we can. You name it we’ve been through it, and because of it all we are stronger and closer than ever. Alhamdulillah. 

Why We are Doing This

In 14 years we have been through just about every issue that a married couple could go through. I’m not kidding. There were times when I was not sure how we were going to pull through. If we were going to pull through. Through it all we made it. We worked hard at being better spouses to one another. It takes lots of time, patience and hard work. You have to put Allah first, have a tremendous amount of faith, and trust that everything will work out InshaAllah. 

May Allah swt bless and protect all of our marriages and give us the strength to be the best husbands and wives that we can be. Ameen

Author: Rebecca Pena

Many times throughout our lives, we will find ourselves right in the middle of conflict and or uncomfortable situations. Whether it be with our spouses, family members, friends, coworkers, or even a complete stranger. It can be an exchange of words or our actions that are a direct cause of this conflict. What happens when there is an exchange of words that takes an unfortunate turn? Maybe we feel that someone has hurt our feelings, or we feel that we have been disrespected. What if we are the one causing the hurt and or we are the ones being disrespectful?  How we handle ourselves in these circumstances is extremely important. It is a direct display of our character and who we are. Going through the feelings of hurt, holding ourselves accountable, forgiving, and moving on. It’s quite the process. Although our words and actions can leave a mark on those involved, it is our response in my opinion, that can have a more lasting effect. We all lose our cool from time to time. Afterall we are all human. We can all agree that it is important to remain respectful at all times. But again, we are human. So today we are going to talk a little bit about all of the above. How do we not only handle ourselves in these types of situations, but how can we make things right?

Dealing with a toxic family

Respecting Others

Respect is a two way street. We are taught that in order to receive respect  we must also give respect. However, there are times when we are not so respectful towards those around us. It’s not always about having an intent to be disrespectful, many times I myself have been in situations where I felt like I was not being heard or understood. As a result, my need to be heard came out in a form of disrespect. I definitely could have used better words. Whether it is our need to be heard or our passion for one thing or another that causes us to say or behave in ways that we normally wouldn’t, how do we begin to rectify the situation? We are human and it is almost guaranteed that at some time or another we will cause someone to feel that they have been disrespected, with no intention of doing so. A couple of weeks ago I was trying to get my point across to my husband. I felt like he was not validating my feelings. He was listening to me but somehow I felt like I was not being heard. In turn, my tone of voice and choice of words were probably not what I would have normally used had I not been so wrapped up in my own emotions and feelings. It’s not that I was “disrespectful”, but my tone of voice was enough to make him feel as if he had been disrespected. Not only did I need to hold myself accountable for the way that I had spoken to him, but I needed to take responsibility for how I had made him feel. And then to make things right. 

In a perfect world we would all be conscious of our words, all of the time. For the most part, I think that in general, we do try to watch what we say. I’d like to think that we typically don’t try to be disrespectful, but that our emotions and feelings take over. Not only is it our need to be heard or understood, but at times we feel we need to stand our ground. Defending ourselves and our position is always important to us. It’s not about being right, but making sure that we are not being disrespected at the same time. Nevertheless things are said that we can not take back. Now what?

Accountability/ Responsibility

So what do we do when we say disrespectful/ hurtful things? Two options: we either own it or we don’t. This is where character comes in. Our willingness to hold ourselves accountable and accept responsibility shows our true character. It also shows the other person that there was no ill intent from the beginning. If you are the type to hold yourself accountable then you are headed in the right direction. Holding ourselves accountable and admitting that we were wrong is the first step that we must take in order to move forward. Even when we feel that the other person triggered it all and they are somehow at fault, we must still hold ourselves accountable for the things that we say and our actions. Don’t play the blame game. Own what you’ve said/ done and begin the process of moving on. Realize that somewhere along the way, we did in fact have something to do with the situation at hand. By owning up to your part, you will in turn earn respect. 

The next step is taking responsibility. It’s not enough to simply hold ourselves accountable. We must take responsibility for not only what we’ve said, but the consequences that followed. Many times after an altercation, either big or small, there are consequences that follow. Hurt feelings, resentment, anger, and worse case scenario broken relationships. Either personal or professional. When we hold ourselves responsible we are able to not only see the damage that has been done, but also put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Try to feel what they are feeling. Being empathetic towards others helps us to better feel what they are feeling as well as see why they may have responded or are feeling the way that they are. 

Being Disrespected

Since respect is a two way street, chances are it was our own words, actions, or response to the other party that had something to do with their response/reaction. I’m not saying that it is their fault, remember accountability, still for every action there is a reaction. Many times it is a miscommunication/ misunderstanding that led to all of this in the first place. Unfortunately when we feel disrespected, we go into defense mode. In most cases this leads to more disrespect. We should definitely defend ourselves. By no means should we allow others to treat us any old way. It’s remaining calm when doing so that will make the difference.  

Accountability/ Responsibility

Just because we feel that we have been disrespected does not automatically make us the victim. We need to take a minute and reevaluate the entire situation to see what we could have said or done differently. Chances are we too played a role and need to hold ourselves accountable and take responsibility for our own actions and words. When all parties are able to admit their wrong, there is a greater chance for forgiveness and moving on. 

The Apology

This may be the hardest step yet, but the most necessary. When we apologize we not only admit our wrong, we also show our willingness and desire to make amends. This will put us on the path of healing and repairing any damage that has been done. 

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

In a perfect world, we would all apologize, forgive, and move on. However, in order to do this, we need to know what it is we need to do in order to get to this point. We are almost always going to find ourselves in situations like this. Whether at home, work, or with friends in general. We should always do our best to try to be mindful of our words, but the reality is many times we find that we are not. When this happens, own it. We need to take  responsibility for what we say and do. Understand that even when we feel we are the one that has been disrespected, chances are we are not totally innocent. We need to hold ourselves accountable for the things that we say and do. 

At the end of the day we are all adults. We should act as such. May this blessed month help us to all reevaluate and improve ourselves InshaAllah. 

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

• It’s Time to Heal
• Tiramisu
• The Struggles of a Revert
• Egyptian Baladi Bread
• Chicken Couscous

Day 1: The Struggles of a Revert 

Being a revert comes with many challenges. In the beginning we are so excited with our new found faith. We approach it all at full force. The desire to want to grow and learn as much as we can, as quickly as we can, can be overwhelming. What makes things even harder at times, is the lack of support many of us encounter. Many times family walks away making things even harder. On top of all of that, we find that the communities that we expect to extend their love and support, do the complete opposite, leaving us feeling alone and second guessing the choice that we have made. How do we stay focused and keep moving forward while going through these trials? This will be a two part post. Day one we will discuss the struggles reverts face on a daily basis. Day two we will discuss tips on how to cope with these struggles. 

Lack of Support and Isolation

Most, if not all, reverts face this dilemma at some point. Our friends and families begin to distance themselves from us. Whether it’s a matter of not fully understanding the choice that we have just made, or they flat out do not agree with it. Whatever the reason, this brings intense feelings of loneliness and isolation. The people that we once felt closest to have turned their backs on us. At least that’s how it feels. Depending on where you live, finding a good support system within the Muslim community can be difficult. Believe it or not, there are many who are not so willing to take you under their wing. On the upside, sometimes a little alone time can be beneficial. After all we are never truly alone. Allah swt is with us always. 

Stuck In the Middle

At times we feel as if we are stuck between two worlds. It is like we are in a limbo of sorts. Swinging between two worlds and are unable to be comfortable in neither, as we no longer fit in the non-Muslim world we have left and haven’t yet found our place in the Muslim one we have entered. We struggle as a revert to find acceptance from those around us as we are viewed as betrayers of our nationality. This was the case with me and my family. I come from a traditional Mexican family, so not only was I making the catastrophic decision to walk away from my faith, but I had somehow turned my back on my own culture/ nationality so that I could join my husbands. Many times we  face rejection from our own families. I rarely see my own family due to the fact that they can not stand to see me in my hijab. It is a constant reminder to them of what they consider to be the biggest betrayal. 

“Coming Out” in a timelike this

During a time when Islam is portrayed as a religion of violence. We have to deal with the issues of confronting our families and our society as well. With all of the misinformation about Islam that is flooding the media these days, and has been since 9/11,  when someone chooses to embrace Islam, it often comes as a great shock to our family and everyone around us. Most often families feel that the revert is no longer the person they used to know and love. Distorted images of extremists and terrorist groups flood their minds and sometimes they go to extreme measures to make the new Muslims leave this strange new way of life and return to being our old selves When we cannot find support and see so much rejection around us, we may become scared and prefer to just go back to being non-muslims. There was a short time when I too thought “ Am I doing the right thing?” “ Is it worth it?” It can be so difficult at times that we  just want to give up and just take the easy road. Early on in my own personal journey, a good friend of mine, Leila, said to me “ Allah swt tests those whom He loves the most.” It was these very words and my own heart’s desires of course that kept me going. No matter how tough the road may seem, never lose sight of the ultimate goal. Closeness to Allah swt. Remind yourself of why and how you came to make this beautiful decision. Although the challenge of dealing with the hate and insult that is fuelled by Islamophobic prejudices, is something faced by all Muslims, the struggles as a revert Muslim may seem slightly more difficult. This is because most of the time, we are facing it from our own families. People we feel we can relate to in terms of culture e.g. friends. And in some cases, for people, who, in the past had already faced prejudice due to their ethnicity, this can be an additional cross for them to bear. The struggle to find our place within the Muslim community, while tryign to maintain our place within our own families is tough. Stay strong and rest on Allah. Trust Him. 

What’s Reliable and What’s Not?

As new Muslims we are all fired up and want to absorb all of the information that we can regarding Islam. It is no doubt and can sometimes be confusing, with the volume and variety of sources available, so many opinions and so many Quranic verses and hadith to back up all these opinions, it can be really easy to become confused and not know who to trust. Especially when you are learning and are not quite sure what is an opinion and what is a fact. It becomes somewhat impossible to know where to start, where to look and whom to turn to. Add to that the highly opinionated and often loud voices of the right and the left wings, i.e the “strict adherents” on one hand and the “secular and liberal” on the other. Each claiming that their version of Islam is the right one. We are told by the left that we are too strict and we are told by the right that we are not strict enough. We are searching for where we belong, but the truth is we are strangers in this world. Strangers in our western society where we grew up and strangers in the Muslim community because we are different yet trying to blend in.  These struggles as a revert leave a lot of us baffled and confused because we don’t know which way to turn. We don’t have enough support so we are left to find our own way. 

Hijab

One of the biggest questions I’ve been asked, and at one point I too was asking, was, “Where do you find your strength to wear hijab?” To begin with it’s not something that we are used to. So not only do we have to get used to wearing it, we have to get used to people around us getting used to us wearing it. Here in the west we still get the occasional look, depending on where you live. Hijab is probably one of the biggest struggles for many female reverts. You have to constantly remember the reward is much bigger than this Dunya. Your strength and your pride are much greater than this society. Allah knows your struggle and your intentions. It is so important to surround yourself with positive people who remind you of your Creator. Try new styles and colors that make you feel comfortable and make lots and lots of dua. May Allah make it easy on all of us.

Marriage

New Muslim sisters cringe at the slew of questions that are thrown at us. The most common being that they changed their faith to get married. Or after they married. While this may be true for a few, for most, especially in Western countries like North America and Europe, to say that finding a spouse, getting married and staying happily married isn’t one of the greatest challenges they face, would be untrue.

Hailing from a past devoid of Islamic belief and its practice, they are sometimes avoided warily by born-Muslim immigrant families in their area that are seeking suitors for their adult and single children. When they do marry someone from a born Muslim family, it is with expectations of them sharing, if not exceeding, their own passion for Islam.

But sometimes the indifference of Muslims towards the religion of their birth is a shock for the new Muslim. A lot of new Muslim sisters enter an intercultural marriage without realising the expectations their husband or the immediate family will have. Unfortunately, we will then feel isolated within the family.

The result of this is that many women end up leaving Islam after having terrible experiences in bad marriages where they were disrespected, controlled, or even abused. The very person (the husband) who it was assumed would protect her from the vices of her American/European upbringing actually ends up driving her away because of his own cultural vices.

Haram versus Halal

Overzealous brothers and sisters often take it upon themselves to become the ‘moral police’, with little concern for subtlety or empathy for the other. And if the new Muslim is fortunate enough, (or should we say, unfortunate) to be accepted by the pack, the leader, then tries to impose his own culture which is mistaken for Islam by the unsuspecting newbie.

Many times it leaves converts with a feeling of being ‘impure’ because of their past lives as non-Muslims. Many sisters especially feel inadequate as Muslim women because of this, which even though being completely wrong is no less existent.

Too Much Too Soon…. Many reverts forget about the golden rule of “step by step” in Islam and instead, they try to do everything at once. From starting to pray five times a day, to wearing the hijab, making lifestyle changes about food and dress, getting away from music and avoiding a certain type of friends, trying to follow every single rule in Islam.

These struggles become painful as you are constantly trying to follow every rule, you’re being advised by a lot of people, some who are hypocrites. Unfortunately,  you may begin to lose hope and revert back to your former self as a result. Again stay strong. 

When The Enthusiasm Dies Down

Sure it’s a good thing to try and be the best Muslim you can be by striving to please your Lord. But without a strong foundation, even the tallest buildings can crumble to the ground. What happens is that without a solid foundation, very soon it all feels like a burden. Soon we begin to lose the enthusiasm we started with and end up giving up everything because we feel it is ‘just too much’. The feeling of being overwhelmed ends up taking over and many reverts go backwards and not forwards. Yes, reverts need to be incorporated into the Islamic community for integration, however, they need to take a step back and figure out how we will incorporate our own cultural practices into our new Islamic practice. This will help us to not only hold onto the identity we have been living with for most of our lives but in turn, we can be a source of positive influence on the Muslim ummah as a whole.

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

The Last 10 Days of Ramadan

While so many are sad that Ramadan will be over in less than two weeks, the blessed month’s last 10 days offer us a final push to do as much good as we can. We cannot let our enthusiasm slow down. 

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, used to strive hard (in worship) during the last ten days of Ramadan in a way that he did not strive at any other times (Muslim).

Here are 10 things we can do during these last 10 days of Ramadan.

1. Pay Zakat

Many Muslims plan to pay this obligatory pillar of Islam at some point during Ramadan, to benefit from the greater spiritual reward attached to charity during the month. If you haven’t already, do so this month, do so. While keeping needy, family, neighbors, and your communities in mind, find a charity that feeds the hungry. There are many all over the world. 

2. Pay Zakat al-Fitr

Zakat al-Fitr allows needy families to enjoy the Eid holiday. Pay this to your local Masjid or an organization of your choice well before Eid-ul-Fitr in these last 10 days of Ramadan.

3. Increase your Giving

With news of a possible double-digit recession and a roller coaster stock market, it’s tempting to withhold or limit our giving this year. But don’t let that stop you from being generous. Remember that Allah is al-Razzaq, the Provider, and that that the Prophet reminded us that “charity does not decrease wealth” (Muslim).

Remember giving does not always have to be monetary. There are so many things that we can do to help others. Feed the poor, give someone water, help a widow, donate to an orphanage, and so much more. 

Humble, modest and loving, Prophet Muhammad (saw) was known for his generosity. As “the most generous of all the people” (Bukhari), the Prophet (saw) continuously encouraged his followers to help others, calling upon Muslims to support their families, neighbors, communities, and the wider ummah. Emphasising the importance of charity, the Prophet (saw) said: 

“Generosity is near to Allah swt, near to paradise, near to the people, and far from the Hellfire” (Tirmidhi)

4. Attend Tarawih more than you have all month

If you haven’t been able to attend Tarawih prayers most of the month of Ramadan due to work or other commitments, make a special effort to go in these last 10 days. Even if you decide to pray only eight units of prayer in a Masjid that normally offers 20, you will benefit from the sense of community and the blessings of congregational prayer.

To be able to stay awake for Tarawih, try your best to take a short nap after coming home from work. Also, try not to overeat during Iftar, making it more likely you will be sluggish and sleepy come Tarawih time.

5. Connect to Laylatul Qadr with more Quran reading

Muslims are encouraged to seek the night of Laylatul Qadr in the odd nights of the last ten days of Ramadan. 

This is the night that is described as better than a thousand months (Quran 97:3)

 This is when the Quran’s revelation began.

Apart from seeking to do more good than usual, push yourself to finish reading at least a couple of parts of the Quran, preferably in Arabic and English. Cut or drastically reduce television, social media, and socializing time to accomplish this goal.

6. Connect with family

Islam puts such an importance on maintaining family ties. If you haven’t been able to keep in touch with relatives, use these last 10 days to call or send them an email or text about getting together for Eid-al-Fitr or simply just to keep in touch and wish them Happy Eid. 

7. Remember those in need

As you shop for Eid for yourself or your kids, pick up a few extra clothes, toys, or games and drop them off at various sites collecting these things for those in need if you are able to. 

8. Make your last fasts really count

If you’ve caught yourself falling back on old habits while fasting, make an extra special effort in these last days of the month to become conscious of these behaviors and stop them before they start again.These can range from swearing, backbiting, watching television shows or movies that we should not be watching. 

9. Set your alarm for Tahajjud

It’s hard getting up for Suhoor, so why make the effort for Tahajjud? This blessed time is one in which Allah is very close, answering prayers and offering forgiveness, in particular (Bukhari).

 Multiply that by the fact that it’s Ramadan and you’ve got an exceptional opportunity to really connect with Allah swt and ask for all that you need or want.

10.  Make lots of dua…. and then make more dua

Use as many of Ramadan’s last minutes to make plenty of Dua. These include not only the standard supplications recommended for everyday use (e.g. before and after eating, dressing, entering and leaving the home, etc.), and those seeking God’s Mercy and Forgiveness. Truly pour your heart out, asking from the One Who already knows your needs and wants and faces no barriers to fulfilling them. Don’t forget to ask for not only the big things, but even the smaller ones. 

May Allah swt accept our duas and fasts during these last 10 days of this blessed holy month InshaAllah Ameen

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

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