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Should You Move to a Non-Muslim-Friendly Country for Your Spouse?

The decision to relocate to a country that may not be welcoming to Muslims for the sake of love is a deeply personal one. Recently, a thought-provoking question sparked a lively discussion in the Amirazz group: “Would you move to a country that is not friendly towards Muslims to follow your spouse?”

Shared by Erni Herawati, this question elicited diverse perspectives from Muslims around the world, reflecting the complexity of balancing faith, love, and practical realities.

Let’s dive into the varied responses and explore the nuances of this challenging dilemma. Prioritizing Faith and Ease of Practice For some, the ability to practice Islam freely is non-negotiable. Rania Farzana expressed a strong preference for living in a Muslim-majority country where practicing Islam is seamless and halal food is readily available.

“I just want peace and easy to practice Islam. Practicing Islam is everything,”

she emphasized. Instead of relocating to a non-Muslim-friendly country, Rania would invite her spouse to move to her country, where they could build a life and business together. Her stance underscores the importance of an environment that supports spiritual and cultural needs. Similarly, Novika Andarwati prefers a spouse from her own country or a Muslim-majority nation, prioritizing a setting where her faith can thrive without obstacles. For these individuals, the challenges of living in a less welcoming environment outweigh the appeal of following a spouse abroad.

Love and Adaptation: A Different Perspective

On the other hand, some see moving to a non-Muslim-friendly country as an opportunity to bridge gaps and challenge stereotypes. Jalil Anarig from the Philippines shared a heartfelt perspective:

“Why not if needed? That’s where you can prove that Muslim people are not that mean to be scared of or to be hated.”

Jalil believes in showing love and kindness as a neighbor and a Muslim, fostering understanding in a new community. Her devotion to her husband’s happiness drives her willingness to adapt, stating,

“I love my husband and I go wherever he takes me for the sake of his happiness.”

For Jalil, love transcends geographical and cultural barriers, and adaptation becomes a way to build a fulfilling life together.

Practical Considerations and Hardship

For others, the decision is shaped by practical challenges and comparisons to their current circumstances. Abdul Rahman Shuaibu from Nigeria highlighted the dire situation in his home country, where rising costs, hunger, and insecurity make life increasingly difficult. “This our own country Nigeria is about to collapse,” he noted, suggesting that the hardships at home might make relocation to a less Muslim-friendly country a viable, albeit tough, option. His response reflects how local conditions can influence such a significant life choice. Tijani Bilikisu posed a pragmatic question:

“Which one is easier? Leaving a country that is Muslim-friendly to a country that is not? Or living in a Muslim country?”

This highlights the need to weigh the relative challenges of adapting to a new environment versus staying in a familiar, faith-supportive one.

A Balancing Act

The responses to Erni Herawati’s question reveal a spectrum of priorities, from unwavering commitment to faith and cultural ease to the willingness to embrace new challenges for love or necessity. Some, like Maryam Musa Garba from Nigeria, gave a succinct “no,” firmly rooted in their preference for a Muslim-friendly environment. Others, like Jalil, see relocation as a chance to demonstrate the beauty of Islam through kindness and resilience. Ultimately, the decision to move to a non-Muslim-friendly country for a spouse is deeply personal, shaped by faith, love, practical realities, and individual circumstances. Whether prioritizing the ease of practicing Islam or embracing the challenge of building bridges in a new land, each perspective offers valuable insight into the complexities of modern Muslim life.

What would you do? Would you follow your spouse to a country less welcoming to Muslims, or would you seek a path that keeps faith first? Share your thoughts and join the conversation.

My Marriage Story: Stability Over Status, Character Over Cash

Originally by Karema Williams

Assalamu Alaikum dear brothers,

I’m writing this post to bring a little clarity—especially for the brothers—on what women truly look for in a spouse. Too often, I see posts accusing women of being greedy, materialistic, or chasing wealth. But I want to share my personal story to help shift that narrative.

This isn’t about defending women—this is about understanding them. And I hope my marriage story will help.

How It Started: A Message That Stood Out

My husband, Karim, had only been in the Amirazz group for three weeks. He’d spent that time quietly observing before he finally sent me a message. Why? Because he appreciated my mind.

At the time, I wasn’t actively seeking to marry again. I had a good job as an English teacher, lived in a nice apartment, and by many standards, I was doing just fine. But deep down, I was lonely. So, I agreed to chat with him—not because I was desperate, but because I wanted to see if there was compatibility.

As our conversations grew, I realized we had a lot in common. But I was still hesitant. Giving up my home, my job, and my independence to move to another city for a man I barely knew felt risky. So yes—I asked him questions. Important ones. And I want to explain why.

The Questions I Asked—and Why They Mattered

1. Do you have a job?

Yes, Karim had a solid job he’d held for over 11 years.
Now, did I ask this to spend his salary? Absolutely not. I asked because a man with a stable job shows responsibility. He can care for a family. A jobless man isn’t “less than”—but he may struggle with depression, stress, or feelings of inadequacy, all of which can deeply affect a marriage.

2. Do you rent or own your home?

He owned his home.
This told me he was investing in his future and thinking long-term—not just living day-to-day. Of course, not everyone can afford to buy a house, and that’s okay. But in his case, it showed readiness for a stable, shared future.

3. What’s your relationship like with your kids?

Karim was the full-time carer of his two young daughters. He’d been raising them alone for three years. That alone was deeply impressive. He worked full-time, cooked, cleaned, helped with homework—he did it all.

A lot of women shy away from marrying a man with children, especially if they are young. But I saw it differently. I saw a man who was caring, committed, and capable of handling responsibility with grace. That told me more about his character than any expensive gift or romantic message ever could.

It Was Never About Money

Karim didn’t send me love poems or proposals in our first conversations. He was looking for a woman who shared his mindset. And I wasn’t looking for money or luxury. I had those things on my own. What I wanted was stability, friendship, and a peaceful, faith-based home.

Yes, he is generous—true to his name, Karim—but I wasn’t attracted to his generosity with wealth. I was drawn to his generosity of spirit.

When a woman is asked to leave her job, her home, and her support system, she will ask questions. And those questions don’t mean she’s greedy. They mean she’s cautious, wise, and thinking of the long-term success of the marriage.

To My Brothers: Prepare Yourself First

To all the brothers seeking wives in Amirazz or anywhere else: before pointing fingers at women, take an honest look at yourselves. Are you ready to provide—not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually?

Karim was ready. Within three months of messaging me, we were married, alhamdulillah. My mother supported me, and today, my husband and I live a stable, happy life together.

Don’t blame women for being “too picky.” Instead, prepare your life so that a woman would feel secure stepping into it. Don’t blame the group. Don’t blame the sisters.

Improve yourself—your mindset, your stability, your faith—and you’ll improve your chances of finding a righteous, sincere wife.

May Allah grant us all beneficial spouses and homes filled with barakah.
Ameen.

I Waited and Prayed: How Patience and Faith Led Me to the Right Marriage

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah,

I’d like to share my story—a personal journey of love, patience, and trusting in Allah’s plan. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the heart knows what it wants long before life makes it possible.

It all started in August 2016 when I wanted to get married to a man who had reverted to Islam years before we met. We got to know each other through work—our workplace is a family-run business, so my parents and brother are involved there too. From the first time I saw him, I felt something, but I didn’t know how he felt about me. So, I kept my feelings to myself.

Not long after, my brother quietly hinted that this man was interested in marrying me. But he had a child from a previous relationship. I knew right away this would be a big issue for my parents, especially my father. So, I made a decision: I’d wait. If he was serious, he would prove himself and eventually speak to my father when the time was right.

Five months passed. I saw him at work every day, and though I sometimes wanted to ask him when he would speak to my parents, I held back. Then, one day my father came to me and said, “I’ve found someone for you.” My heart leapt—maybe it was finally him?

But no. It was someone else—a man from Egypt who wanted to marry me. My father liked him and thought he was a good match. I, however, felt differently. I told my father no, many times. I wasn’t comfortable marrying someone living abroad without knowing how long it would take for us to be together. Most importantly, I wanted to stay close to my family, especially my grandmother, who was terminally ill at the time.

Still, my father kept pushing. When January came, I traveled to Umrah with my family. There, I prayed istikhara. I asked Allah for clarity and strength. Deep in my heart, I felt I should wait a little longer.

Soon after we returned, my father gave me a deadline—one week to give a final answer about the man from Egypt. I felt trapped. That same week, at work, the man I liked came up to me and casually asked, “What kind of husband would you want?” My heart ached. I responded quickly, “It doesn’t matter. I’m marrying someone from Egypt,” and walked away. I cried alone in the bathroom that day. I realized just how deeply I had fallen for him.

But Allah’s timing is always perfect.

Within that very same week—the deadline I had to respond—he came to my father’s house. After eight long months of waiting, he finally proposed. My heart was full of emotion and relief. My father asked me to choose: the man from Egypt or the one I had waited for.

At first, I only saw the choice as an escape from the proposal I didn’t want. But my father reminded me of all the risks—his past divorces, the child from a previous relationship. He warned me that this was the life I would have to live.

And I said yes.

After a year of planning and waiting, we got married. Alhamdulillah, it’s been nearly a year and a half, and we are happy—truly happy. My father, who was once so hesitant, is now pleased and content with our marriage. My mother supported me through it all, always reminding me: “Choose what makes you happy.”

I did. And I don’t regret it—not for a second.

Sometimes the right love requires waiting, courage, and trusting Allah’s plan over our fears.
To anyone going through uncertainty in their own love story: Be patient, pray sincerely, and trust that what is meant for you will never miss you.

Moral of the Story

This journey taught me that love and patience go hand in hand—but so does respect for our parents, especially our fathers. While my heart knew what it wanted, I never acted in secrecy. I waited. I prayed. I listened to my father, even when we disagreed. And in the end, I spoke to him openly and honestly about my feelings.

It wasn’t always easy, but through open communication and sincere dua, Allah softened hearts and made a way. Today, my father is happy, my mother supported me all along, and I’m grateful that I didn’t rush or hide anything.

The moral? Your happiness matters—but so does your father’s guidance and approval. When you involve your parents, trust Allah, and speak with respect and clarity, the outcome can be better than you ever imagined.

What and Why: Understanding Secret Marriages Among Muslims

Recent discussions have brought the topic of secret marriages among Muslims back into the spotlight, sparking debates and divisions. While such unions may meet the technical requirements of Islamic law as stated by Habeeb Akande, they raise significant ethical, social, and religious concerns.

What Is a Secret Marriage?

A secret marriage occurs when a couple chooses to keep their union hidden from the public, including family, friends, and the broader community. However, the marriage includes essential Islamic elements such as the consent of both parties, the presence of a guardian (wali), and a minimum of two witnesses. Yet, it lacks the public announcement that Islam generally encourages.

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Islamic Teachings on Publicizing Marriages

Islam places great emphasis on the public declaration of marriage, even though in the technical sense of it, the man does not need the permission of his wife or his own parents to conduct multiple marriages. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised, “Announce this marriage.” This guidance aims to protect the rights of all parties involved and to prevent confusion and injustice within the community.

“Announce this marriage.”
Narrated by Ahmad and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1072.

Risks and Consequences of Secret Marriages

A Real Life story: 1

I got married four years ago to a man who was already married and had a daughter. He told me that it would remain a secret to his wife and father, until they found out from people and not from him, and I agreed to that. From the day we married, he has not slept at my house except for one week, on the basis that he was travelling. After that he has not slept in my house and I have been living on my own, and he comes every day. I got pregnant from him and gave birth to a daughter, who is now two years old. Until today he has not registered her in his name, for fear that his wife will find out. I have been patient all this time and have said it doesn’t matter, because frankly my husband is a man like no other and he loves me, but after 3 1/2 years his wife and his father found out, and she asked him to divorce me, but he refused to divorce me or to divorce her. But until now he is not treating us fairly, and he has never stayed the night with me and my daughter, and he has not registered his daughter in his name, and I do not know why. Even on Fridays it was hard for him to come and visit us; even when my daughter was sick at night, I could not tell him and I was always the one who took her to the hospital. I do not know what I should do. By Allaah, I always ask Allaah to give me patience because I have suffered all these years and I do not know for how long. Please note that my husband fears Allaah and does not miss a prayer, and he always does good. Every time I argue with him he tells me: “Everything in its own good time; you have been very patient, can’t you be patient for longer?”
I hope that you can help me because in fact I am not able to put up with this injustice any more.

Source: IslamQA

Real Life Story 2.

I am a 20-year-old young man. Some time ago, my cousin came to live at our home. The problem is that she does not put on the Hijab and sometimes, we are alone at the house and she calls me to the fornication but I resist and I spoke to her about marriage. His father, besides not commanding the Hijab to his daughter, refuses to marry her because of her studies and I am afraid of giving in to his(her,its) temptation. I would like to know if we can get married in secret, without informing her father because she told me that he will never agree to marry her before the end of her studies. It has been 5 years and I am afraid of fornicating with her and making it several times later.

Source: Islam QA

While some may see secret marriages as a solution to specific challenges such as avoiding falling into Zina like the second story here or avoiding family retaliation over tribal or class differences or preserving personal privacy like the first story above, especially in countries where (nikkah may not be recognised,) they still come with significant risks in some cases:

Vulnerability of Women: Women in secret marriages may face abandonment, loss of financial rights (nafaqah), and challenges regarding the legitimacy and rights of their children.
Social Discord: Secrecy can lead to fitnah (social corruption), including jealousy, mistrust, and the breakdown of family structures.
Legal Complications: Hidden marriages can create confusion in legal matters, especially concerning inheritance and lineage.

Scholarly Perspectives

Islamic scholars differentiate between marriages that are secret and those that are invalid. A marriage without witnesses or a guardian maybe considered invalid by some scholars. However, a marriage with witnesses but without public announcement, while technically valid, is highly discouraged is valid, but discouraged.

While Islam allows for certain flexibilities in marriage to address specific circumstances, the overarching principle is to protect the rights and dignity of all individuals involved. Secret marriages, though sometimes entered into with good intentions, often lead to more harm than benefits. Therefore, Muslims are encouraged to announce and celebrate their marriages openly, seeking Allah’s blessings and ensuring transparency and justice within the community.