Author: Rebecca Pena Hikal Conflict Between Muslims; Resolution Between Muslims
Conflict Between Muslims; Resolution Between Muslims
Why do two or more people find themselves in the middle of a dispute or argument?
There may be a variety of reasons. Sometimes one person unintentionally upsets, mistreats or offends another. With so many going through so much these days, there are times when our personal situations/ feelings get the best of us and we end up taking those aggressions out on another. Then there are times when there are personality clashes. Disputes and disagreement typically take place with those we are around most. I.e. family, friends, colleagues. Islam advocates living in peace with God – the Creator and Lord of all that exists. As well as, seeking peace within our own selves, and living in peace with other human beings, and in peace with our surroundings and environment in its entirety.
All conflicts – whether they are interpersonal, or within the family and community, or national and international disturb this relationship of peace.
In all cases of dispute, it is very important for the others around the two disputing people or groups, especially those in positions of authority, to wisely play the role of advocacy, pacification and moderation in order to prevent the situation from being blown out of proportion and causing a permanent straining of relations.There is a great reward for those who facilitate reconciliation between disputing parties. Narrated Abud Darda’, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than (voluntary) fasting, prayer and almsgiving (sadaqah)?” The people replied, “Yes, Prophet of Allah!” He said, “It is putting things right between people. Spoiling relations is the shaver.” (Abu Dawud)
Disagreements Between the Prophets Companions
At a time when the ummah is riddled with many kinds of trials and tribulations, one of which is disunity brought on by arguments over matters of faith, which in many cases leads to outright physical fighting and killing, there is a dire need to highlight relevant incidents from the life of Prophet Muhammad SAW where he effectively resolved disputes between conflicting parties to bring about reconciliation.
The companions and wives of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) were the most devout Muslims in terms of righteousness and fear of Allah. Yet, they used to have disagreements that sometimes turned into disputes.
Many a time, one or both of the disputing parties would come to him complaining about the other, and he would use impartial judgment as well as Divinely-inspired wisdom to decide which one of them was wrong and needed to apologize or compensate the other.
The important thing to remember is that the Prophet was in a position of authority over them, and his decision was always the best, with absolutely no chance of being even slightly wrong.
Unfortunately, he is not with us anymore, which means that it is imperative for us average Muslims today to closely analyze how he handled the situations of conflict between his companions and wives, and what he did step-by-step in order to solve them.
Dispute Between Abu Bakr and Umar
Although I did my own independent research regarding disputes that the Prophet himself handled, I thought it would be best to copy and paste this example given by Sadaf Farooqi.
Once, the two close friends Abu Bakr and Umar had a dispute with each other. Something that Abu Bakr did had made Umar angry, and even though Abu Bakr went after him asking for forgiveness, Umar slammed the door on his face in a huff.
Abu Bakr then came to sit in the company of the Prophet and his companions including Abud Darda (the narrator), and the Prophet immediately sensed, probably from Abu Bakr’s body language and facial expression, that he was disconcerted. However, Abu Bakr remained silent, until Umar himself arrived and narrated the story of what had transpired between them to the Prophet..
When the Prophet heard the details of this dispute, he became angry. Abu Bakr immediately admitted that he was more at fault as soon as he saw the Prophet’s anger. When the Prophet saw how Abu Bakr was not just admitting that he had been more wrong, but had also sought forgiveness from Umar, he undertook a two-step strategy to encourage Umar to forgive him.
First, he called Abu Bakr his friend or companion and asked all those seated around himself, twice, whether they would “leave” for him his companion i.e. whether they would desert the one friend who had always been by his side. This automatically hints at the way Abu Bakr had proved his loyalty to Allah as a comrade and helper of the Prophet, especially during adversities.
Next, the Prophet narrated an example to everyone seated around him, of Abu Bakr’s sincerity and loyalty to the Truth, by recalling how, when he had started proclaiming his Prophethood to mankind, everyone had called him a liar at first, except Abu Bakr, who had said, “You speak the truth”.
The lesson we can derive from this narration for solving disputes, is that we should hasten to forgive the one who admits that he has wronged us, and is sincerely seeking forgiveness for it.
Reconciliation can be facilitated by making the one who has been wronged recall the past good that the one who has wronged them has done to them, especially if there is glaring evidence of that person being very truthful, sincere, Allah-fearing and righteous.
The one who is angry should not remain aloof and diffident for too long from someone who has proven himself to be fiercely loyal to Prophet Muhammad.
Modern Day Disputes
For any Muslim who holds a position of authority of any kind, such as a household head, a parent, an employer of domestic staff, a manager in a corporation, or a ruling president/government official, it is very important for them to impart justice in resolving disputes between two people who are under their authority.
Many disputes begin at the level of the household unit – the family. Sadly, partiality and favoritism in a person occupying a position of authority (such as a parent) towards another member of the family often results in feelings of resentment in those who are deliberately and repeatedly wronged by the latter, and neither side feels that their feelings have been acknowledged or validated, nor have they been given the opportunity to defend themselves.
In most of these cases, the causes of disputes and fighting stem from how the authority figures of the household unwittingly commit injustice upon the weaker members of their extended family, or discriminate against some of them by giving preferential treatment to others. This can also be true for any situation where disputes are involved. Work, business, or personal friendships as well.
Like the Prophet, had the authority figures in the household or in the workplace done their duty of executing justice and fairness between those involved in a dispute , and admitted their error the way the Prophet’s humble companions did, their family and or relationships would have been successful in avoiding recurrent disputes, disagreements, and most of all, the distancing between hearts that were initially close. They would have been able to live closer together in harmony.
The Prophets SAW Way
1. He heard complaints of both sides before passing a verdict.
2. He mentioned the good traits and righteous deeds of the wrong-doer if the latter was apologetic and repentant, to facilitate reconciliation.
3. He allowed the recipient of an undeserved verbal onslaught to defend their honor, even if they were younger in age.
4. He did not – and this is a very important key point – exhort the wronged person to keep silent in the name of patience and restraint. He did not allow their oppressor to continue with their injustices. Rather, he made sure that the wrongdoing was not just stopped, but that the one who was wronged also defended themselves.
Resolution and Building
As Muslims we are meant to maintain peaceful, healthy, meaningful relationships with God and with all of humanity. This relationship is disrupted by conflicts, whether interpersonal, communal, national or international. Its restoration is essential for the sake of fairness and justice. Peace-building efforts work towards preventing an escalation of conflict and establishing a durable and self-sustaining peace.
Here are some relevant verses from the Qur’an addressed to the Islamic community:
“O You who believe! Stand out firmly for God, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to piety: and fear God. For God is well-acquainted with all you do” (Al Maidah 5:8).
And:
“O You who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or you kin, and whether it be against rich or poor: For God can best protect both. Follow not the lusts of your hearts, lest you swerve, and if distort justice or decline to do justice, verily God is well-acquainted with all that you do” (Al Nisa 4:135).
Islamic scholars also emphasize promoting Islamic ethics in order to prevent, mediate, and resolve various conflicts. This must take place along with a personal transformation, developing spiritual awareness through Dhikr (constantly remembering God and His Grace), praying, and fasting. As well as through acts of charity and love for other human beings.
One should exercise compassion and forgive others who have done him harm, and move away from greed, egocentricity, and harming others and work to live peacefully in cooperation with each other. Understanding all of this will help to build, rebuild, and maintain healthy relationships with those around us, as well as help to strengthen ourselves.
May we do all that we can to maintain healthy relationships with those around us for the sake of Allah. InshaAllah
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
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