Hold On, Pain Ends

As you know, we all go through pain, whether it’s physical or psychological. In fact, we’ve come across that friend, family member or even sometimes a stranger who comes up to us to seek some help. Without asking or going deeper into their issues, we often start judging, giving lame unsolicited advice like “have hope” and they end up asking themselves “how?” Or “where do I even begin?”

What we fail to understand is that our inspirational words aren’t easily digested by that depressed soul thus making them feel as though we are not yet ready to help them pick up the pieces. We need to understand someone battling depression is mentally blocked, the pain they are feeling has made them numb and exhausted so when you say  “please have hope”, “Everything will be okay” or “You are strong” they literally don’t understand a thing and that can even make them feel not cared for. 

Guiding Light

It is true that you want them to have hope. This leads you to say “things will be okay” even though it might not make sense to them. However, in trying to help them to move on, it may be good to show them the simple steps that will lift them up just by listening to them or asking what you could do to help. That way, you can just be their guiding light. 

They need to know that you are literally there for them, you are grieving at their pain, you love them dearly and that there is a solution to every single thing that’s troubling them.

Their situation can be somehow scary but then it’s good when you try to help rather than beating yourself up later on when things get worse. Regretting that you didn’t do much for them or you end up asking yourself endless questions like “Why did they commit suicide?” and so much more and unfortunately these questions have no answers. 

Allah says in the Quran: And worship Allah and associate naught with Him, and show kindness to parents, and to kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and to the neighbor that is a kinsman and the neighbor that is a stranger, and the companion by your side, and the wayfarer, and those whom your right hands possess. Surely, Allah loves not the proud and the boastful.  (Al Quran 4:37)

Do Not Belittle Anyone’s Feelings

Remember it doesn’t cost you a thing to help someone when they are at their lowest.  Dark days are part of life. Don’t belittle anyone’s feelings because you and I have got different ways of tackling problems. What makes you feel sad for a few days might make me battle depression for years. 

Don’t let anyone that comes to seek help go to the extent of hurting themselves just because you made fun or didn’t bother helping them when they needed you the most. Talk to them and tell them to hold on because pain ends. In one hadith, the prophet (Peace be Upon him) says:

O Aisha, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness, and He rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness, and He does not reward anything else like it.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2593.