Author: Marisa Lopez Chicote Author Marisa López
We are going to start a series of 3 posts dedicated to personal and couple relationships in Egyptian Muslim culture.
How do people relate and know each other and what are the social norms and customs that are followed in Egypt for two people prior to the eventual marriage ?
KNOWING LIFE PARTNER
Young people now have more ways of getting to know each other than in the past when it was only limited to the university or having someone from the family introduce them to each other as a possible candidate, known as gawzaz salonat (marriage of salons) or ‘marry a cousin’ (this has decreased a lot of in urban areas but not in rural areas).
Although these modalities are still very present, the possibility of meeting through any social media has also been added. This is not yet widely accepted, but I have two very close relatives, who have married other Egyptians whom they met via Facebook randomly. (I am not personally very open to that because let’s face it, there is a lot of risk due to the number of scammers that swarm the network).
Another way that is clearly on the rise, is to use a marital matching company as Amirazz that guides and helps to choose the right one and protects from possible scammers and be sure that both have right intention to have a Muslim family.
In any case, everyday there are more young people who interact with persons of the opposite sex before committing themselves and carrying out the whole process that we will talk about later.
These pre-commitment relationships, for the most part, do not include any type of physical relationship between couples If they limit themselves to going out together to any restaurant or park and chatting and usually both are very young and are studying, so the idea of commitment involving the family may not be an option until both finish their studies
These relationships can be known by the family of both and this is a good sign and others hide it because they belong to very conservative families that would not accept it in any way.
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
Once the couple decides to move on to the next step, the candidate groom and his family set a date with the bride’s family to go to their house and request the girl’s hand.
Once there, in this step the negotiation or agreements are made that they are going to put each party for the future marriage, the groom explains to the bride’s family what his work is and his means to be able to maintain the house and the family. Tradition is that the groom brings the apartment , half of the furniture and pays for the wedding with everything, the bride’s dress, makeup and hairdressing and honeymoon.
The bride or her family contributes the other half of the furniture, appliances, carpets, curtains and lamps and all the household goods and also pays for the engagement party with all dress, makeup, etc.
Another important point of the negotiation is the shabka, the amount of jewelry gifts that the groom will deliver to the bride on the day of the engagement party. The mahr or dowry and the points that both groom and bride want to add in the contract are also negotiated at this time and this is really important. For example, I recommend always adding a clause on immediate divorce and compensation, in case the man tries to marry another woman.
The amount in shabka and mahr depends a lot on the possibilities of each family.
The engagement party is also usually dated and the time the courtship will last before the marriage and wedding.
Once an agreement is reached, everyone recites the fatiha (the first surah of the Qur’an) in the case of Muslims, to seal the agreement before Allah.
Tomorrow InshaAllah we will continue with the following steps
Have a great day InshaAllah
About the Author: Marisa Lopez Chicote is an event planner and mother of 5, living in Cairo and Muslim since 1985, alhamdullah. She loves travelling and cooking.
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It seems like an expensive system for young people starting to think about marriage.
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