A Revert’s Journey

And Allah Guides whom He wills to a straight path.

Surah Al-Baqarah/ Ayah213

Destination Unknown

Reverting back to Islam can be an incredibly challenging time for many. Suddenly we are faced with this overwhelming feeling that everything that we were once taught, everything that we grew up believing to be true, may in fact not be. As warm and welcoming as the feeling of coming to Allah subhanahu wa ta ala may be, we also may begin to feel lost, confused, afraid, and very alone. Along with these feelings comes a great deal of insecurity and doubt. It feels like there is no end to the many questions that are now running through our minds. Then the intense fear of how and where we will find the answers begins. Where do we go from here?

The Journey Begins

So now that we have found ourselves embarking on this beautiful journey, how and where do we begin to find the much needed support and sense of security that we need to help us along? A little reassurance if you will. Naturally we will first look towards our brothers and sisters in Islam. Maybe in our local, mosque or community in general. That too however can be a little intimidating. Nevertheless, we look towards those who we assume will have the answers to our many questions. Whether because they were raised in the faith, or because they have traveled down this road before. We hope that they will be able to help guide us and put us on the right path. Once we have made these connections, we tend to solely rely on those individuals to navigate us, sort of acting as our GPS. We think that because they have been down this road before, they can provide us with the resources that we need. Although there are plenty of resources such as books, articles, websites, and videos to help guide us, it is very comforting having someone by our side who can provide not only guidance, but also something that no text can provide, companionship. Remember, many reverts are feeling isolated right now. Most of our families have pulled away because they don’t approve nor do they understand the change we’ve made. Still it is important that we remember that although our newfound friendships bring us connections that we’ve been missing, we must remind ourselves that they are still human just like us. Maybe they too are struggling in their own way. Perhaps they are still working on their journey and struggling along the way. Maybe they have been misguided. Oftentimes we will say it’s okay and look past all of that. They are human and are not perfect, and besides, it beats the feeling of being alone. The feeling of isolation that many reverts feel can be overwhelming. Therefore having someone to hold our hand as we venture off into this new and unknown territory feels a lot safer than walking alone. We may not even think about, much less prepare ourselves for any potential bumps in the road that may lie ahead.

Bumps in the Road

As with any journey, it is inevitable that we will hit some bumps along the way. Still, now with our new friends, not realizing if those friends will prove to be beneficial to us or not, we press down on the gas pedal and are ready to go. We remind ourselves that we are not alone. Our passengers will tell us when to turn around, stop, make a left or right, or just keep going. So what happens when our support system needs support? We have been counting on them to carry us through and now they are struggling. Here come those overwhelming feelings of doubt and frustration again. It is important to remember that our journey will not be filled with rainbows and butterflies. We may in fact face some of our most difficult challenges during this time. Events that may make us question the decision that we have just made. During my own personal journey I experienced some of the most difficult challenges of my life. I was very blessed to have a few amazing passengers with me on my journey. One being our very own Sister Leila. She gave me some of the most comforting advice early on. Words that still play in my head till this day. She said, “ Allah tests those that He loves the most.” The challenges that we face are tests from Him. We must also remember that He will not give us more than we can handle.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” [ Quran 2:286]

We need to remember that even if we have the best of guides leading the way, there is only one who is truly in control. Only He can provide the perfect map for us. Allah subhanahu wa ta ala will never misguide us. He will provide us with the most accurate map of where to go and how to ultimately arrive at our final destination. He knows our journey from beginning to end and is fully equipped to provide us with any help needed along the way. We just need to listen to and trust Him.

Road Blocks

Throughout our journey we may come across some roadblocks. Some that may cause us to come to a grinding halt. Things that we had once gone through before, would be a little easier because of the love and support that we were getting from our friends and family. The very people that we once turned to were no longer there. For example, the loss of a job, or a loved one, or any unfortunate experience that we were not necessarily prepared for, may take place. Not only do we have little support, but we begin to ask, “ why is this happening to me?” Of course we know that this is a test and it is a part of life. Reminding ourselves that Allah tests those that He loves the most. But is that enough to give us the comfort and reassurance that we want and need to move forward?

Trials and Tribulations

So how do we get through those trials and tribulations? Who or what can help push us through and provide that comfort and support that we need? Old friends have turned their backs on us. New friends are doing all that they can. So who or what is left? Here we are feeling all alone again. The answer? Allah subhanahu wa ta ala. The only love, comfort, support, that we will eventually learn will ever need. Through His messenger our beloved Prophet Muhammad we are able to find very clear instructions to not only guide us where we need to be, but also how to cope with any and every situation in life.

Fact vs. Fiction

Another roadblock that we may encounter is finding sources that are reliable and ones that will be beneficial to our growth. With so much information out there, we need to be sure that what we are using as a tool to guide us, is one that is reliable and good. Unfortunately we live in a time where many individuals have twisted and distorted the words of our beautiful religion. Therefore it is imperative that we be able to differentiate fact from fiction. So what are some ways that we can be sure what we are reading or listening to is fact? We need to be sure that we follow those who can inform and not misguide us.

Crossroads

With all of these things going on around us and in our minds, it can be difficult to remain focused. Not knowing where to turn, still trying to process the issues we have with family and friends, and overall struggling to get back on track, can cause us to feel discouraged. Sort of like we’ve hit a dead end. Do we give up? Do we go back to what we once knew? Although it doesn’t feel right, it feels somewhat safe and familiar? Or, do we continue on this journey, and follow the path that will lead us to our final destination?

Guide us to the straight path.

Surah Al- Fatiha Ayah 6

We must solely rely on the One whose guidance led us here in the first place. Allah subhanahu wa ta ala.

The Detour

Rather than focus on all of the roadblocks and obstacles in our way, we should learn to go around them and not let them hinder our journey.

And whoever fears Allah- He will make for him a way out.

At- Talaq / verse 2

Since relying completely on people wasn’t the answer, something we should have never done anyway, it’s time to not only look towards Him, but also do some of our own independent research. The internet and libraries are full of resources. How can we be certain that what we are reading or listening to is coming from a credible source? The last thing that we want to become is misinformed. Following the wrong sources can not only lead us down the wrong path, but it can also cause doubt, confusion and frustration. This may cause some reverts to become discouraged and potentially give up altogether. Or worse, become misguided. So what are some ways that may help someone who is new find reliable and accurate sources? We need to think about what reverts need most. Of course we can tell them to purchase or even give them a copy of the Holy Quran, but it’s not so easy to sit down and read it. It too can be overwhelming for someone who is just starting out. I’ve asked several friends both born Muslims and reverts what they would suggest someone new to do.

Make sure that the person that you are following can back up their message with Quranic evidence or Hadith.
Research the individual or site. Nowadays you can look up anyone or anything through the internet.
Use common sense. Islam is a religion of peace. If the speaker is saying things that do not sound peaceful, it may be a good idea to change channels.
Do try to ask your local community if you don’t know where to start. Get a list of people and sites and research them if you are not sure. Islam is not intended to be difficult.
Pray for guidance. Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta ala to lead you during this process.

The Reroute

And rely upon Allah; And Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of Affairs

Surah Al Ahzab / Verse 3

Once we have found our credible sources, we can now begin to feel as if we are back on track. With our prayers and InshaAllah a good Muslim community, we should have a new and improved sense of direction. Allah subhanahu wa ta ala knows our intentions. He knows exactly what is in our hearts and what we need. If we focus on Him, He will guide us, never misleading us. He will create the most perfect path for us. And even when those bumps and crossroads try to get in the way, He will provide us with everything that we need to get us through. InshaAllah

The Road to Jannah

As Muslims, our ultimate goal is to reach paradise InshaAllah. To live our lives in a way that pleases Him. Through His love and guidance, and our patience we will gain knowledge and obtain all that he has for us. Throughout this journey we should strive to be closer to Him. When we are close to Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, we will feel a peace like no other. May Allah subhanahu wa ta ala guide us all. May we open our hearts to Him. May He provide us with the guidance and knowledge that will bring us to the road to Jannah, and may we all meet there together InshaAllah.

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

The Truth About Lying

Author: Rebecca Pena.

The Truth About Lying

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah, and be with those who are true (in word and deeds).
[al-Tawbah 9:119]

As children we are taught not to lie. That lying is one of the greatest sins that comes with severe consequences and punishment. We were told that although we could hide things from our parents, nothing could nor can be hidden from Allah. He hears, sees and knows everything that we say and do. Nevertheless we grow up knowing that lying is wrong, but in some cases maybe not. We often hear the phrase “honesty is the best policy.” On the flip side we are also told that it is at times okay to bend the truth a little, sometimes. For example, someone prepares a meal that is not to our liking. We wouldn’t come out and tell them how awful it was, instead we may say that it was delicious and say thank you. Is this necessarily wrong? Is it okay to lie in order to spare someone’s feelings?

“…Indeed, Allah does not guide he who is a liar and [confirmed] disbeliever.” [Quran 39:3]

Big or Small/ Black or White

We have often heard people say that they have told a little white lie. This usually indicates something like what I mentioned above. When someone invites us to a gathering and we just don’t have the energy to go, we might say that we have a previous engagement.When we really do not. No big deal right? No harm, no foul and no one is hurt. Right? The term little white lie is used to define a lie where no one gets hurt, and “big” lies are usually lies that involve one or more parties getting hurt. We convince ourselves that these small lies are okay. We justify them, especially because no one really gets hurt. It is the people who tell the “bigger” lies who truly have bad motives and intentions. They are the ones who set out to hurt others, therefore they are really the ones who need to watch out. I personally feel that there is no justification for lying, rather we should learn to speak kindly in those situations where we feel we cant be entirely truthful. We can be truthful, we just need to find the right words. Society allows us to categorize lies, good, bad, big, small, black, white. The truth is a lie is a lie and it is wrong. People lie with the intent to deceive another person.

Lie: to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive. Webster dictionary

“O you who have believed! Fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice.” [Quran 33:70]

Friends and Family

How many times have we found ourselves in situations where we have had to tell little white lies. A close friend asks how she looks in a certain outfit and in order to not hurt her feelings, you tell her that she looks great, when maybe she doesn’t. Or that one family member calls and you tell them that you were just on your way out the door, just to avoid getting stuck on the phone for an hour. Or what about when we embellish a little on our resume? I mean we are qualified for the job, but sometimes having that little extra sparkle helps get that little increase in pay right? The lines between white lies and more malicious lies have become very blurred. The truth however is that our friend may go out in her outfit and have others tell her that her outfit is not as nice as she thought. Or was told. Now she is embarrassed. Our family member may have really needed some help but because of our little white lie they were unable to get it. Lastly, while we were bending the truth on that resume, just a little, maybe someone with those credentials who really needed that job missed out. But wait, I thought that little white lies were harmless, no one gets hurt.

Prophet Muhammad said:

“Indeed, truth leads to virtue and virtue leads to Paradise, and a truthful person continues to speak the truth until he becomes the most truthful person. Lies lead to evil and evil leads to Hell, and a liar continues to lie until he is listed as a high ranking liar before Allah.” [Al-Bukhari]

Spouses

One of the principal foundations of our marriage is trust. Trust is something that is easily broken, but can take a lifetime to repair. Some will say that it is okay for a husband to lie to his wife in order to please her or make her happy. For example, there are times when I may be trying a new recipe and ask my husband to be the taste tester. He will tell me if it is good or not, and honestly I would rather him tell me truthfully than lie to me. Even if he did not like it, and his heart was in the right place, I would still rather hear the truth with kind words, rather than a lie. However, I can see one overlooking this sort of lie. After all, we do not want to hurt our spouse.

And (what means): “…And do not conceal testimony, for whoever conceals it – his heart is indeed sinful….” [Quran 2:283]

At times it may seem easy to overlook or allow these lies. Because they don’t involve infidelity or cause pain to our spouse, it doesn’t seem so bad. Research shows that telling small lies and getting away with it makes it easier to tell bigger lies. Lying and or withholding the truth destroys relationships. The relationship that we have with our spouse is in my opinion the second most important relationship that we should grow and nurture. The first being with Allah subhanahu wa ta ala. It is one that we should take very special care of, and never take the risk of compromising it by lying. There should never be a reason to lie to our spouse. We should alway feel comfortable telling them exactly how we feel.

Why Do People Lie

Why do people lie? We have focused on white lies. Those that are not intended to hurt, but rather spare someone’s feelings. I have personally, recently been in a situation with my spouse where he withheld something from me because he thought that I would get upset. However, when I found out, I was twice as hurt. One, because he kept something from me, and two, for whatever reason, he felt like he couldn’t come to me beforehand and talk to me about the situation. Even the most minimal of lies can do some pretty extensive damage and cause a breakdown in communication.

There are also those who lie with the intent to deceive. They dont always intend to hurt someone else, but that is because they do not intend to get caught. They have this mentality of “what they don’t know won’t hurt them.” We should always remember that while we may be able to deceive those around us, we can never deceive our Creator. He sees and knows everything.

“…The curse of Allah be upon him if he should be among the liars.” [Quran 24:7]

Damage and Repair

Lying can cause damage that can not always be repaired. It can ruin relationships and change the way that people deal with us in the future. We lose credibility when we lie. It becomes a challenge for those around us to maintain relationships with us. The very core of who we are has now been compromised. Even if we are blessed to be forgiven, the relationship as we knew it will never be the same. Is it even worth it? We’ve potentially lost relationships, and we’ve disappointed ourselves and more importantly, Allah.

“…Indeed Allah does not guide one who is a transgressor and a liar.” [Quran 40:28]

“…And do not conceal testimony, for whoever conceals it – his heart is indeed sinful….” [Quran 2:283]

Why We Should Tell the Truth

The truthful are most beloved by Allah (SWT). Telling the truth is one of the foundations of what Islam stands on. Allah (SWT) prohibits lying and implores us to choose righteousness and truthfulness above all else.

“You who believe, heed Allah and stand by those who are truthful” (Quran 9:119).

“You who believe, guard your duty to Allah, and speak words straight to the point” (Quran 33:70).

So even in those instances where lying seems like it may not be such a big deal, or maybe it just seems easier to tell those little white lies, we must keep in mind the consequences that may not be faced here, but in the Hereafter.

However, if you find yourself in a situation where you have told a lie and feel the guilt, consider it a blessing. There are people in this world to whom lying comes so easily that they no longer feel that feeling of guilt. Feeling guilty for our sins is a blessing from Allah (swt). We should take this opportunity to repent and ask for forgiveness. Allah is the most Forgiving and All- Merciful. May Allah (swt) guide us and keep us on the right path. May our hearts and intentions be pure.

EID AL-FITR

Eid in Arabic means “feast, festival, holiday.” Eid is a worldwide festival and celebration for Muslims. During the calendar year there are two Eid’s that are celebrated by Muslims. Today we are going to discuss Eid al Fitr, which means “festival to break the fast.” It is at the end of the holy month of Ramadan in which Muslims fast for the entire month. The name of this special holiday is a literal translation of the event that is being celebrated. Festival of breaking the fast or the feast of fast breaking.

1. IT’S HELD TO CELEBRATE THE END OF FASTING.

During the month of Ramadan, Muslims fast from sunup to sundown to honor the month that the Quran was revealed to the Prophet Mohammed (SAW). Eid al-Fitr celebrates the end of the month and the end of the fasting. The prolonged fasting isn’t just about food. It also includes abstaining from taking medications, drinking any liquids (including water), smoking, and having sex.

2. EID AL- FITR BEGINS WHEN THE NEW MOON IS FIRST SIGHTED

Eid al- fitr doesn’t begin until the new moon appears in the sky ( although traditionally, and still today for many Muslims, it doesn’t begin until the barest sliver of a crescent moon is seen). Technically, that means that across the world, Eid al-Fitr starts at different times and even different days, depending on location. To make it more uniform, some Muslims celebrate Eid when the new moon appears over Mecca instead of their own locations.

3. EID AL-FITR TYPICALLY LASTS FOR THREE DAYS

The festival traditionally lasts for three days, but depending on how it falls on the calendar, the parties and festivities could last much longer. For example, if the three days fall mid-week, Muslims will likely still be celebrating over the weekend.

4. ON EID MORNING, MUSLIMS CLEANSE THEIR BODIES AND WEAR NEW CLOTHES

Before leaving to perform morning prayers, Muslims wake up to cleanse their bodies in a ritual called “ghusl.” Then, similar to getting new clothes for Easter Sunday, Muslims often wear something new or grab their finest threads and decorate their hands with elaborate henna patterns. Some people wear traditional dress, while others choose contemporary clothing.

5. HAPPY EID!

During Eid, one of the most common things you’ll hear people say to one another is “Eid Mubarak!” This literally means “blessed Eid” and is a way of expressing celebration. You might also hear “Eid sa’id” which means “happy Eid”.

6. PRAYERS

After getting dressed and ready for the day, Muslims gather inside mosques or outdoor locations. The Eid prayer is a collective duty, which means that when some Muslims offer it, the rest are not accountable for their omission. If no one offers it, then all share in the sin. This is because it is one of the clearest manifestations of the community. Also, the Prophet (peace be upon him) always did it, as did his Companions after he had passed away. The Prophet (peace be upon him) even ordered that women who were in their periods, and were as a result exempt from prayer, attend it, but were not to take part in the prayer itself. They share in its blessings and in the joy of the community, which clearly indicates its importance. If the Prophet (peace be upon him) ordered women who were exempt from prayer to attend, then its attendance is a must for men. In fact some scholars consider it a mandatory duty on all men. It is a Sunnah, recommended, that the Eid prayer is organized at an open, well known space, preferably outside the village or town, so that the community can gather and perform this distinctive act of worship. However, if it is offered in mosques for one reason or another, the prayer is still valid.

The Eid prayer becomes due at the time when the Sunnah prayer known as Duha is due, which means it starts when the sun has risen in the sky about one spear’s length. This is when the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his successors used to offer it, and prior to the sun being at that height, prayer is discouraged.Ibn Qudamah, Al-Mughni, vol. 2, pp. 232–3.

It is recommended to start the Eid al-Adha prayer at the beginning of its time range and to delay the Eid al-Fitr prayer because the Prophet (peace be upon him) did that. People need to attend to their sacrifice after the prayer at Eid al-Adha, while the delay in Eid al-Fitr prayer helps a person who has not yet paid Zakat al-Fitr to pay it, as it must be paid up to immediately before the prayer.Al-Zuhaili, al-Fiqh al-Islami, vol. 2, p. 1,391.

‘It is also a Sunnah to eat a few dates before going out to offer the Eid al-Fitr prayer, and not to eat anything on Eid al-Adha until the Eid prayer has finished and one eats from his sacrifice, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) did that on these occasions.’ Related by al-Tirmidhi, hadith No. 542; Ibn Majah, hadith No. 1,756

It is not recommended for anyone who misses out on the Eid prayer to offer it after it has finished, because this was not reported as suggested by the Prophet (peace be upon him). Moreover, it is a prayer for which a certain congregation gathers. It must, therefore, be offered in this fashion.

‘The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to go out to pray the Eid prayer of al-Fitr and al-Adha in the open space.’ Related by al-Bukhari, hadith No. 956; Muslim, hadith No. 889

7. GIFTS

After a month of sacrifice, Eid Al- Fitr is a time of abundance, and not just with food. Gifts are often given, especially to children. Here at home we try to get our children gifts that pertain to or remind them of their growing faith. There are many websites that offer ideas for gifts for children. Islamic coloring books, reading books, games, etc.

8. SWEETS!!

Eid al-Fitr is sometimes referred to as the Sugar Feast, due to the fact that a large part of the meal one eats at the festival is desserts. Different countries offer different types of sweets. Please follow our blog and check out Sister Marisa’s recipes. She has posted several recipes for this special occasion.

9. SPIRITUAL MEANING

Eid al-Fitr, as it follows the fasting of Ramadan, is also seen as a spiritual celebration of Allah’s provision of strength and endurance.Amid the reflection and rejoicing, Eid al-Fitr is a time for charity, known as Zakat al-Fitr. Eid is meant to be a time of joy and blessing for the entire Muslim community and a time for distributing one’s wealth. Charity to the poor is a highly emphasized value in Islam.

The Quran says, “Believe in Allah and his messenger, and give charity out of the (substance) that Allah has made you heirs of. For those of you who believe and give charity – for them is a great reward.”( 57:7)

InshaAllah this Ramadan has been a joyous time for us all. May Allah accept all of our fasts, answer our duas, and forgive us all. InshaAllah. Ameen

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

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Being Grateful

Being Grateful

This blog was inspired by a post that I saw on a dear friend’s timeline this morning. This quote above. I’m sure we all consider ourselves to be grateful. We wake up each day and the first thing we say is Alhamdulliah. We are grateful for yet another day of life. Shortly after my husband and I were married, I noticed that he would wake up each morning and the first thing out of his mouth was Alhamdulillah. Thanking Allah for another day, another opportunity to praise Him and show gratitude. It still is. He has always said that we should say Alhamdulillah for everything, both in the good and the not so good times. In all honesty, how often do we show our gratitude? Although in a perfect world we would show our gratitude for all that we have all of the time. But the fact is we are human. We are weak. When things don’t go our way we complain. So often life gets the best of us and we tend to lose sight of what’s important. No matter what is going on in our lives, God wants us to appreciate everything. He does not want us to lose our way because of troublesome events. He encourages us to always see the positive side of any situation.

Allah encourages us to be grateful, but why? When we recognize the good things Allah has provided, we will understand He cares for us. This draws us closer to Him which is why being grateful to God is mentioned so often in the Quran.

”…BUT PERHAPS YOU HATE A THING AND IT IS GOOD FOR YOU; AND PERHAPS YOU LOVE A THING AND IT IS BAD FOR YOU. AND ALLAH KNOWS, WHILE YOU KNOW NOT.” [NOBLE QURAN 2:216]

It’s All About Perspective

Perhaps something we’re experiencing now seems bad or is a challenge for us. Many times it is how we look at things that determine how we will react to them. However, Allah swt is All-Knowing and Most Wise. He knows best and what is beneficial for us. Maybe it’s that promotion that we so badly want and felt we needed and didn’t get. Maybe it’s a job loss. Maybe it’s that vacation that we wanted to take but don’t have the money for. All of these examples can cause us to become impatient and unhappy therefore we begin to complain and wonder why? When we focus on the things that are not going our ways we lose sight of all of the blessings in our lives and there we become ungrateful. Yes this makes us ungrateful. The point is we should always be thankful because our knowledge of His plan for our lives is so limited. Allah swt reminds of this in the Quran:

”…BUT PERHAPS YOU HATE A THING AND IT IS GOOD FOR YOU; AND PERHAPS YOU LOVE A THING AND IT IS BAD FOR YOU. AND ALLAH KNOWS, WHILE YOU KNOW NOT.” [NOBLE QURAN 2:216]

Focus on The Good

Instead of focusing on the things that may seem to be going wrong in our lives,, try to concentrate on the good. Your happiness is tied to your good deeds and guidance from Allah swt. We need to make a list of all the blessings in our lives. Then, we can begin to spread appreciation where it belongs; to Allah swt first, and to anyone who has had a part in each point on your list. As the famous saying goes, a thankful heart is a happy heart. God tells us of the benefit of gratefulness:

”BE GRATEFUL AND I WILL GIVE YOU MORE.” [NOBLE QURAN 14:7]

This does not only apply to an increase in material possessions, it also applies to an increase in spiritual awareness.

Staying Thankful During Challenges

Challenges and obstacles are unavoidable parts of life. But what defines us is how we approach these obstacles. For example, Prophet Job was given major challenges in his life after being blessed with wealth, good health, and offspring. First, he lost all his wealth. Instead of complaining and turning his back on God in frustration and disappointment, he said

”What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for a while. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills.” He continued worshiping and obeying God and being grateful for the remaining blessings he had.

Next, all his children were killed when their house crashed down. Instead of losing himself to depression and hurt, he said

”God sometimes gives and sometimes takes. He is sometimes pleased and sometimes displeased with our deeds. Whether a thing is beneficial or harmful to me, I will remain firm in my belief and remain thankful to my Creator.”

Finally, Job was afflicted with an illness that caused painful sores all over his body. He became so sick his friends and family abandoned him. Even during this time, he never lost patience or faith in God. After several years, Job cried to God asking for His mercy.

”And [mention] Job, when he called to his Lord, ”Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful.” [Noble Quran 21:83]

Out of reward for his patience and gratitude during all the trials and hardships Job experienced, God granted him ease and restored his wealth, his health, and his children.

”SO WE RESPONDED TO HIM AND REMOVED WHAT AFFLICTED HIM OF ADVERSITY. AND WE GAVE HIM [BACK] HIS FAMILY AND THE LIKE THEREOF WITH THEM AS MERCY FROM US AND A REMINDER FOR THE WORSHIPPERS [OF GOD].” [NOBLE QURAN 21:84]

This example that Job gives us, serves as a reminder to us all to be grateful to our Creator even during those difficult times.

Don’t Forget The Faithful

Not only does God remind you to thank Him, but also to thank His creation. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) says in his hadith,

”WHOEVER IS NOT GRATEFUL TO THE PEOPLE, HE IS NOT GRATEFUL TO GOD.” [SAHIH TIRMIDHI]

Without good people around us that remind us of God, we would not be as grateful. Focus on these people, however, few they are, and they will drown out the harmful ones. Concentrate on the good things they do for us, their positive qualities, and remember everyone is flawed including yourself.

So knowing all of this, how can we remain grateful? Through the good and the bad. How can we focus on all of the good that He has given us so that we can one day experience all of the good that He has in store InshaAllah? Here are a few things that I myself have started doing. There have been times in my own life when it seemed like I was hardly ever grateful. I was so focussed on the unfortunate events that were happening, that I lost sight of all of His blessings.

Tips on how to remain Grateful

1. Keep a daily journal. Write down all of the things that we are grateful for. It could be as little as making breakfast, or as big as getting a new job. The important thing is you get in the habit of looking for and focusing on the good things, and continually reminding yourself of the many blessings you are gifted with.

2. Surround yourself with positive people. If you find yourself being a Negative Nancy, avoid being around a Debbie Downer. Otherwise, you may adopt her ungrateful and pessimistic viewpoint. Seek friendships and companionship in people who will lift you up and remind you to be content.

3. Train yourself to see the good in every situation, even when it is difficult. For example, if you or a family member is sick, thank God you have access to healthcare because many people around the world don’t. Also, like prophet Job, thank God for the many years you have been healthy.

God is Great

So we must remind ourselves daily of all of the things that we have to be grateful for. Remember all that He has provided for us, and continues to provide. Remember that he will not give us more than we can bear. He knows what is best for us. He will only provide for us what is meant for us. No one can keep anything from us that He has willed for us. Be patient, He knows exactly what we need and what we don’t need. Have faith. Trust that He has an amazing, beautiful plan for each and everyone of us.

May Allah swt keep us strong and faithful throughout the good and the bad times. Ameen

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

Hold On, Pain Ends

As you know, we all go through pain, whether it’s physical or psychological. In fact, we’ve come across that friend, family member or even sometimes a stranger who comes up to us to seek some help. Without asking or going deeper into their issues, we often start judging, giving lame unsolicited advice like “have hope” and they end up asking themselves “how?” Or “where do I even begin?”

What we fail to understand is that our inspirational words aren’t easily digested by that depressed soul thus making them feel as though we are not yet ready to help them pick up the pieces. We need to understand someone battling depression is mentally blocked, the pain they are feeling has made them numb and exhausted so when you say “please have hope”, “Everything will be okay” or “You are strong” they literally don’t understand a thing and that can even make them feel not cared for.

Guiding Light

It is true that you want them to have hope. This leads you to say “things will be okay” even though it might not make sense to them. However, in trying to help them to move on, it may be good to show them the simple steps that will lift them up just by listening to them or asking what you could do to help. That way, you can just be their guiding light.

They need to know that you are literally there for them, you are grieving at their pain, you love them dearly and that there is a solution to every single thing that’s troubling them.

Their situation can be somehow scary but then it’s good when you try to help rather than beating yourself up later on when things get worse. Regretting that you didn’t do much for them or you end up asking yourself endless questions like “Why did they commit suicide?” and so much more and unfortunately these questions have no answers.

Allah says in the Quran: And worship Allah and associate naught with Him, and show kindness to parents, and to kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and to the neighbor that is a kinsman and the neighbor that is a stranger, and the companion by your side, and the wayfarer, and those whom your right hands possess. Surely, Allah loves not the proud and the boastful. (Al Quran 4:37)

Do Not Belittle Anyone’s Feelings

Remember it doesn’t cost you a thing to help someone when they are at their lowest. Dark days are part of life. Don’t belittle anyone’s feelings because you and I have got different ways of tackling problems. What makes you feel sad for a few days might make me battle depression for years.

Don’t let anyone that comes to seek help go to the extent of hurting themselves just because you made fun or didn’t bother helping them when they needed you the most. Talk to them and tell them to hold on because pain ends. In one hadith, the prophet (Peace be Upon him) says:

O Aisha, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness, and He rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness, and He does not reward anything else like it.
Source: Sahih Muslim 2593.

Muslim Women’s Islamic Right to Mahr

“Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem
Al-hamdu lillahi Rabb il-‘alamin
Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem
Maliki yawmi-d-Din
Iyya-ka na’budu wa iyya-ka nasta’in
Ihdina-sirat al-mustaqim
Sirat al-ladhina an’amta ‘alai-him
Ghair il-Maghdubi ‘alai-him wa la-d-dallin.”
~Al-Fatihah 1:1-7
In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds:
The Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful:
Owner of the Day of Judgment.
Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help.
Show us the straight path:
The path of those whom Thou hast favored; Not (the path) of those who earn
Thine anger nor of those who go astray.
~Al-Fatihah 1:1-7

Al-Quran

What is Mahr?

“And give the women, upon marriage, their bridal gifts graciously.
But if they give up willingly to you anything of it,
then take it in satisfaction and ease.”
~An-Nisa, 4:4
Al-Quran

Mahr is a required part of every Muslim marriage contract. Mahr is a gift that the husband must give the wife at marriage. Upon receipt, a woman’s Mahr automatically becomes her separate property. It is essential to point out that a husband does not have to give Mahr in one part. Mahr may be given in two parts. The first part is called the muqaddam, or the prompt Mahr, which the wife must receive immediately before or after the marriage ceremony. The second part of Mahr is called the mu’akhar, and it is a
deferred and promised amount, payable at any agreed-upon date following the consummation of the marriage. Oftentimes, the deferred amount is more significant than the amount paid at marriage. In theory, the deferred amount provides the wife with a
means of support in case of husband’s death or divorce. The muqaddam should be viewed as important as the initial Mahr payment. It is an obligation to be fulfilled by the husband and considered a debt if not given to the wife within the agreed timeframe.
The Mahr in any Islamic marriage contract is a fundamental religious right of the wife. The husband may not reduce the Mahr. Upon the husband’s death, the deferred Mahr is paid from his estate before all other debts, because it is a religious requirement.
There is no limit on the type of Mahr a woman can request. It can be any type of property, such as gold, silver, real estate, currency, carpets, dishes, cars, clothes, books, household appliances, or any other thing(s) that can be owned. Women are typically advised that it is in their best interest, to set their Mahr to be real estate, gold, silver, or anything else of financial value. They are advised this so their Mahr’s value does not decrease over time and can be used later as her reserve. However this is a more cultural practice rather than Islamic practice.
Muslim women need to understand that she is the ONLY owner of this property, no matter her Mahr. No one, including her parents/guardians or husband, have the right to use, take possession of, sell, or transfer her property without her explicit consent. All profits of her properties also belong to her, alone.

Mahr is mentioned explicitly in the Hadiths as a condition for the legality of marriage. The Mahr is for the wife to spend as she wishes and can be cash, jewelry or any other thing of value. “…they had no right to marry her if they had the desire to do so, unless they deal justly with her and gave her a full amount of Mahr.”, as per Ursa bin Az-Zubair

“…they had no right to marry her if they had the desire to do so, unless they deal justly with her and gave her a full amount of Mahr.”, as per Ursa bin Az-Zubair

(Bukhari, Book 62, Number 71)

As per Sahl, ‘Then a man said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Marry her to me.” The Prophet asked him, “What have you got?” He said, “I
have got nothing.” The Prophet said, “Give her something, even an iron ring.” He said, “I have got nothing.” The Prophet asked (him), “How much of the Quran do you know (by heart)?” He said, “So much and so much.” The Prophet said, “I have married her to you for what you know of the Quran.”’ (Bukhari, Book 62, Number 72). Not only do these Hadiths indicate that Mahr is a requirement for marriage, but they also are indicative that Mahr does not have to be costly. Over time, it has evolved into cultural
practice (in some countries) for women and their families to request large sums of cash or large amounts of gold. The Hadiths clearly indicate that this is not necessary.

In divorce cases, a woman is entitled to keep her Mahr, if the marriage has been consummated. As been Ibn ‘Umar, ‘The Prophet said, “You are not entitled to take back any money. If you have told the truth, the Mahr that you paid, was for having sexual
relations with her lawfully; and if you are a liar, then you are less entitled to get it back.”’ (Bukhari, Book 63, Number 262). If a woman divorces, before her marriage is consummated, she is still entitled to compensation by her husband. “There is no blame
upon you if you divorce women you have not touched nor specified for them an obligation. But give them [a gift of] compensation-the wealthy according to his capability and the poor according to his capability-a provision according to what is
acceptable, a duty upon the doers of good.” (Al-Baqarah, 2:236)

Islam established Mahr as an obligation husbands must gift their wives to solemnize their marriage. Mahr is to be determined by the wife according to her prospective husband’s means, and it becomes her sole property. Sisters should diligently exercise their right to their Mahr and marriage contract.

About the author:

Dr. Gabriela Martin was born in Mexico and raised in both the United States and Mexico. She received her education in the United States. She has undergraduate and graduate degrees in Special Education. She has a doctorate in Metaphysical Humanistic Studies. Dr. Martin is a Reiki Master/Teacher, Associate Practitioner NLP, Certified Holistic Life Coach, Holistic Health Practitioner, and an ordained non-denominational minister. She spent 23 years teaching and helping at-risk youth. Before retiring from the education field, her last teaching assignment was at an off-reservation Native American boarding school. To read her full bio, click here.

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