Today I’m going to share a recipe that was passed down to me from my mother in law. Egyptian Mousakka is one of my husband’s favorite dishes from back home. Everyone has their own variation of this meal, but here is ours. Made with Eggplant, ground beef it’s delicious served with Egyptian rice.
This recipe calls for a pound of ground beef, ( we use about a pound and a half because it is a favorite) 2 medium eggplants or 1 large one, 1 can of chickpeas rinsed and drained , 2 small white onions diced or 1 medium to large, 4 to 5 garlic cloves minced ( we love garlic so if you’re not a fan, 2 to 3 will do) 1 magi cube, ( chicken bouillon) 1 tbsp of tomato paste, ½ cup olive oil ( to sauté the eggplant) about a tsp of salt and pepper, and 1 tbsp of ghee ( clarified butter)
Step 1:Peel and slice your eggplant into thin strips and soak in cold water for about 45 minutes.
Step 2: Drain the eggplant and let it sit for about 15 minutes. Add the oil to a 10 quart pot or larger (depending on how much your making) at a medium/ high heat.
Step 3: Add the eggplant to the hot oil and sauté until translucent. Keep it moving otherwise it will stick to the bottom of the pot. I usually cook them in two batches to keep it from getting stuck together.
Step 4: Once you’ve finished sautéing all of your eggplant place it on a few paper towels. This helps to absorb the excess oil.
Step 5: In the same pot add your ghee, onion and garlic. When translucent and fragrant, add your ground beef.
Step 6: Once the beef is cooked thoroughly, add your tomato paste and magi cube and stir to mix it all together well for about 6 or 7 minutes.
Step 7: Add your eggplant and drained chickpeas, salt and pepper. Again stir well and add just enough water to cover all ingredients.
Step 8: Bring everything to a boil and then turn down to a medium/ low heat, cover and let simmer for about 20 minutes. Serve with rice.
We had ours with some pickled veggies and pita bread and cheese. Really you could add any sides that you like but this is how we love ours. Enjoy.
I’m sure that we’d all wish to have the perfect family: every member of the family being kind and loving. Parents fulfilling the rights of their children and vice-versa, harmony between siblings, a marriage with very few conflicts and loads of happy moments, and delightfully obedient children. Indeed, I doubt that such a family exists on this planet, yet it cannot be denied that there are some families whose happiness radiates wherever they may be; they have strong connections of love and affection. May Allah swt preserve such families. The truth is, however, that most of us have conflict and strife within our families; with our parents, siblings, cousins, spouses, children, in-laws, etc. Some of this conflict is minor, while some of it has left stains of trauma and wreaked havoc in our lives. Where I find stability and contentment, however, is in the realization of three important things:
Every family has their issues.
Pure happiness and contentment with one another is reserved for Paradise, and not the life of this world.
Even within our own Islamic tradition, we find countless examples of great people who dealt with all sorts of familial issues.
What happens when we can not overcome or resolve those family issues? What do we do when the conflict is so severe, it seems that the relationship can not be repaired. When that hurt and or betrayal is just too overwhelming we can not seem to move past it. And, specifically during a time like the holy month of Ramadan. A time in which the focus should be about worshiping, giving, appreciation, gratefulness,blessings, many of which should include family. It is a time when we should be putting all of our personal feelings aside so that we can focus on strengthening our relationship with our Creator Allah swt. A time when we should be forgiving, while asking Him for forgiveness. A time to possibly mend those broken relationships.
How To Identify Toxic Family Members
When a family member’s words and actions have a negative impact on your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being, that’s a telltale sign that you’re being traumatized by this person. Here are a few more signs:
You act differently around this individual. You are not your usual self and you are stressed out for days, even months after any encounter with this person.
Flashbacks of the unpleasant events are a part of your daily life. You hear their disapproving voices and disappointed faces in the back of your head.
You’re exhausted from pent up anger, helplessness, and the fear of not being the good Muslim who can forgive things easily.
You feel like you’re never good enough, not until you get their approval anyways.
Even in the case of our own Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him), his biggest critics were his family. But a hadith indicates that once a man said to the Messenger of Allah pbuh,
“I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me.”
The Prophet pbuh said,
“If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot dust in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.” (Reported by Muslim with commentary by al-Nawawi, 16/115).
Holding on to toxic family members is harmful for us. So how do we deal with them? We must take responsibility for our lives and take the necessary actions required to bring us peace. InshaAllah.
Give yourself permission to be happy
You might have been mistreated by a family member for a long time. You thought, I’m used to it, no big deal, I don’t cringe as much when I’m talked down to, nor do I cry so much when I’m humiliated. But, then you all of those emotions and feelings sneak up on you when you least expect it. You feel emotionally drained all of the time, you can’t keep focus and end up taking it all out on your kids or your spouse. Toxic relationships are stressful for you and your loved ones. By doing this you are holding in too much. You’re burdening your soul with something that’s hurting you.Give yourself permission to release all of this pain and be happy. There is no reason why the abuse shouldn’t stop today. You can control what kind of people you want in your life, adding kind, supportive people to your life and limiting time with or eliminating any negative people. You have the right to a happier life, a life that’s a blessing from Allah swt. There is no reason to keep on holding on to people who bring you down and make your life miserable. Allow yourself to live a better life. Start by doing the right things and taking full responsibility for your happiness and well being. By doing this, you’re not only taking actions to improve your life but also setting an example for others, especially your kids.
Embark on acceptance
Acceptance can be a bitter pill to swallow, as you’ll need to learn to accept the realities of your life. But, this acceptance will make your life so much calmer when you come to terms with the way that things are. For whatever reason, you’ve been making excuse after excuse for this person’s behavior. You kept hoping for the impossible. You tell yourself maybe if I do “this” just once more, things will improve with them. You turned the other cheek. You pretended it doesn’t matter because irrespective of how they’ve treated you, they really mean well for you. Maybe you have been dealing with this for so long that you believe the nastiness doesn’t get to you anymore. After all, they were supposed to be there for you, not to hurt you. Acceptance is a process. To begin this, understand that what was done to you is wrong. There’s no need to inflict yourself with too many painful details to begin your acceptance journey. There is no point in dwelling on these negative details that had happened in the past. It is hard to accept that your mom treats you differently than your brother. You’ll find yourself justifying her unfair behavior. After all she is the mom, she knows better. It’s difficult to make sense of why your in-laws prefer your brother in law over your husband, or her other grandkids over your kids. For whatever reason, you’ve been making excuse after excuse for this person’s behavior. You can’t reach a healthy level of acceptance if you keep on asking the wrong questions! Start working on acceptance, today, right now. You will sway between acceptance and denial, but start the process anyway. When you don’t accept what is going on, your life remains in limbo. But, when you accept the facts of your life, as unpleasant as they can be, you have something to work with to make your life better, InshaAllah.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.“Sometimes we don’t have much control over some of the unfortunate events that occur in our lives. But most of the time, we can control the events in our lives. You can’t change the abuser but you certainly can change your relationship with them by defining what kind of relationship you’ll have and creating boundaries.. Drawing boundaries will help you establish a healthy relationship with your family members, toxic or not. These are the rules determined by you so you know what is acceptable to you and what is not. Sometimes we make these rules after getting burned too often or for too long. But, it’s never too late to set up boundaries to protect yourself.
Limit your exposure to toxic people
Toxic people and their negative behavior can traumatize you if you allow them to.This is not something you want to get used to, no matter how close a family member this person is. Do your best to protect yourself. Limit your encounter with toxic people. You’re more in control than you think you are. But, you must be consistent with it. The message gets lost when you’re not consistently there to protect yourself. You can limit your visits and reduce the length of conversation over the phone. Consider making shorter, less frequent visits and phone calls. You must treat yourself the way you expect others to treat you. Keep your distance from negative family members who don’t treat you kindly and respectfully. You can’t change others’ actions but you can choose how to respond to them. There is no reason to keep people around in your lives who repeatedly aggravate you with lies, criticizes you, gossips about you, exploits you, mocks you and brings you down with stress and other negative feelings. Don’t surround yourself with these kinds of people. Stay away from them until they change their behavior. Do it as long as it takes. You deserve respect and peace.
But, what about cutting ties?
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship” (Bukhari)
This is a common ploy of abusive people, specifically family. They will bring quotes from the Quran and examples of Hadith and use these as a club to hit you even harder. They know that you’re afraid of sins and displeasing Allah swt so they find another way to abuse you more. This kind of behavior only exposes their double standard more explicitly. They will likely accuse you of:
not following Islam properly.
how you should be a better muslim.
how good muslims don’t cut ties and forgive people (i.e let them abuse your forever),
how you’re being so arrogant and ungrateful after they’d done so much for you.
how you’re going to go to hell fire because for being a bad muslim
What about forgiveness?
Like acceptance, forgiveness is a process. It’s not a switch that you can turn on right away after you’re traumatized. So, be patient and don’t be hard on yourself for not being able to forgive your toxic family member right away. If you can find forgiveness in your heart, alhamdulillah, good for you. But if you can’t, don’t put yourself down by thinking that you are a lesser muslim. Pray to Allah swt, so you can work on your pain and eventually you can start taking steps toward forgiveness InshaAllah. If you’re struggling with forgiveness, keep in mind that forgiving someone is NOT the same as condoning what they did to you. It’s choosing to respond wisely to an unfortunate event. Forgiving is taking back control of your life from anger and stress that stems from how they treated you. Remember, no one gets away with oppressing another person. Allah swt accepts the prayers of an oppressed person and will bring the abuser to justice. Find calm and solace in Allah’s justice and wait for it’s manifestation inshaAllah.
Protect yourself from yourself
You can do this by following these few steps
Distance yourself from them
Don’t continuously think about the things that they have said and done to you. Leave the past in the past
Dont stoop to their level. Remember you own values and morals and follow them.Stooping to their level won’t change them so don’t let anger and bitterness take over.
Try to not talk about them. In general backbiting is wrong as we all know, but the more that you talk about them, the more you’ll think about them.
Retaliation is not an option. Instead focus on how you can improve yourself.
Keep praying. Be patient. This will help you to become a stronger Muslim and you will be rewarded by Allah swt InshaAllah
As Ramadan approaches, it is important that we keep in mind that our soul purpose is to become closer to Allah swt. We must focus on Him and pray. Ask Him for guidance in such situations. It is possible to not have to cut ties with family, as this is a last resort, and still set boundaries in order to protect ourselves and hopefully heal and build healthy relationships. Trust Allah to guide us all. After all He knows best. May Allah swt keep us strong and bring us closer to him and our loved ones this Ramadan.Ameen InshaAllah.
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
My husband has often told stories of the excitement and anticipation he felt as a child the closer that the holy month of Ramadan neared. Growing up in Egypt, he had the full experience of Ramadan and it’s beauty. With two children of our own, living in the states, they don’t have the beautiful experience that he did. So every year we try to create that ambiance here at home. So far our children love it all! However, although we want them to enjoy every bit of excitement around this special time, we want to make sure that they take away the true purpose of Ramadan. Of course they love the food, gifts, money, games, crafts, all of the fun stuff. But are we teaching them what really matters at the same time? As parents how can we be sure that our children have a full understanding of what Ramadan means? Aside from the fun, the food, and the overall joy that comes with this blessed month, what can we do to ensure that our children are in fact experiencing the true joy of Ramadan?
Traditional Ramadan Practices
During the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, which is based on the phases of the moon, Muslims around the world celebrate Ramadan, a holy month of spiritual reflection and fasting. It remembers the month that the Qur’an (the holy book for Muslims) was originally revealed to the Prophet Muhammad.
During the month of Ramadan, people of Islamic faith wake up before sunrise for a small meal and then do not eat again until the sun sets at night. While fasting may sound like an extreme practice to non-Muslims, this sacrificial blessing period is filled with self reflection, family celebrations, and late-night meals. If you’re celebrating the holiday with kids, it’s important to instill the traditional Muslim values while also bringing a little fun into the mix. The word “Ramadan” comes from the root word “ramdhaa,” whichmeans “intense heat of the sun,” referring to the environmental conditions of this calendar season. After 30 days of sacrifice, families hold a three-day celebration of fast-breaking called Eid al-Fitr. Muslim kids often receive gifts and indulge in treats during the festival.
Islamic law states that children who have not yet reached puberty aren’t required to observe fasting. Still, some families have their children participate in the fast anyway, or they find other ways to teach their kids about devotion, generosity, goodwill, and self-control. Whether or not your family decides to fast, participates in semi-fasts, or doesn’t fast at all, here are some ways for you to honor the holiday with kids.
Read Ramadan themed children’s books: there are many sites online where you can purchase books for children of all ages. This will make it easy for them to learn and understand the importance of Ramadan.
Decorate your home: Stars and crescent moons liven up Muslim families’ homes during this month long holiday. Engage your children by making your own paper versions for the three-day Eid al-Fitr celebration. Hang white twinkly LED lights in your kids’ rooms, so they feel like they’re a special part of the holiday. You can also build excitement for Eid-al-Fitrby displaying a countdown decoration in your home. Each day Ramadan progresses, your kids can cross off a number on the calendar.
Teach children Ramadan greetings: During Ramadan, faithful Muslims greet one other by saying “Ramadan Mubarak.” This greeting, which means “blessed Ramadan,” is just one traditional way that people welcome friends during this holy time. Giving your kids a variety of greetings at a young age allows them to take part in more adult-like discourse, while also teaching them values they will cherish for a lifetime.
Involve children in meal preparation: Cooking as a family creates the perfect backdrop for discussing all things Ramadan. Plus, it teaches your children how to prepare traditional dishes at the same time. Ask your kids to help make the meal each night during Ramadan, even if it means staying up past their bedtime. The memories they’ll form while cooking traditional Ramadan recipes will create an anticipated excitement knowing they had a hand in feeding the hungry family.
Instill Ramadan-inspired values of giving: Encourage your children to provide a service for others by saving money for the needy during the month of Ramadan. And make it a family affair! For instance, take the money you’d spend on a cup of coffee each day and plop it into a jar, showing your commitment to your children’s cause. We have Sadaqah boxes for each child here at home. Then, at the end of Ramadan, use the money to buy food to buy a meal for a needy family.
Enjoy a festive Eid Al-Fitr. Otherwise known as “Eid,” Eid Al-Fitr marks the end of Ramadan with a multi-day celebration that includes gathering to view the new moon, neighborhood fairs, visits to parks, and eating special sweet treats. Decorate both your home and your bodies by letting the kids paint traditional henna designs on their hands (or you can do it for them). Culminate the celebration with a picnic or backyard barbecue, complete with legal fireworks. Maybe even invite some non-Muslims to your party so your kids can take part in their traditional family celebration alongside friends (while also teaching them their customs).
However, you and your family choose to celebrate, be sure to make sure that while eating lots of food and having tons of fun, that your children walk away with a full understanding of the true meaning of this special time. Encourage them to embrace it fully so that they too can teach these customs and traditions to their own children. As parents we must lead by example as well, so be sure that you are doing all that you can to show and teach them so that they too may follow the right path.May Allah keep us strong and faithful throughout the holy month so that we can teach our children the true meaning of Ramadan InshAllah.
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
The Importance of Avoiding Sinful Acts during the month of Ramadan
Day 4: Utilizing Our Time Wisely
Is it just me or do you find yourself making a list of all of the many goals that you want to achieve during the month of Ramadan? Quite often the result is that we either end up becoming incredibly overwhelmed, or completely and totally burnt out sooner rather than later. Although the intention is good, becoming overwhelmed can lead to frustration. We end up experiencing feelings and emotions that wind up defeating the entire purpose. The result, accomplishing nothing and breaking our fast by allowing our negative emotions to take over. It is important to find ways to prevent this from happening. Today I would like to offer some tips on how we can utilize our time wisely, achieve your goals, all while preventing any sort of burnout and still, getting the most out of this blessed month. Knowing what we know about the benefits of fasting we all want to make the best out of this month. Efficiency in managing our time would serve the purpose. Successful people are those who manage their time well, so as to achieve their set goals.
# 1: Remember the true purpose of fasting
It’s easy to lose sense of purpose when we don’t nourish it regularly. It needs constant care and attention or else Shaytaan’s persistent efforts to make us lose our sense of purpose will take over. So what is the true purpose behind fasting in Ramadan? In one sentence? It is to gain Taqwah and become closer to Allah swt.
O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous. [Quran-Surah 2: Ayah 183]
And how do we gain Taqwah by staying away from food and drink?
This is how:
1. The Quran revealed that during the Holy month of Ramadan. With the devil chained down in this Holy month, the negative energy is replaced by positive energy and it becomes relatively easier in Ramadan to strengthen our Emaan.
2. As humans we tend to take everything in life for granted and forget to thank our Creator for His many blessings. But during Ramadan, fasting instills in us a sense of gratitude. Fasting makes us appreciate the value of food and drink. Gratitude elevates our Taqwah.
3. We then become more compassionate towards the poor and needy. We start giving charity in the way of Allah swt and that brings us closer to Him.
4. During Ramadan Allah has promised us forgiveness for all our past sins if we beg Him for forgiveness sincerely. It is the best time to repent to Allah, make duas and recharge our relationship with Him.
# 2:Make a plan and define goals.
This is by far the biggest pain point for the majority of people I know, including myself.
How do we divide time between worship, family, and everything else during Ramadan? What’s really important in time management is to write down a weekly agenda. If we find that we’ve got too much time on our hands, it may be wasted if not utilized in a productive manner. If we don’t manage our time well we’ll always be late for everything. Sit down and make a list of goals that you would like to achieve this month. The most important thing about planning is setting realistic goals for yourself. Frankly speaking, that’s something I find really hard to do sometimes. But if you don’t want to bail out on your plan later because of burnout, then I suggest you make realistic goals.
Set an intention for the month to come: Think about what you’d like to change in your life: perhaps you need to cut out poor habits, or improve your discipline, or align your actions with your ideals. Consider what you can do to become a happier and more effective human being. Ramadan is a prime opportunity to your reflect on your life and reset your routines – so plan ahead to make the best use of your time
Free your mind: Minimize distractions. Focus your thoughts on helping others and improving yourself. Spend your free time studying, creating, or quietly reflecting.
Organize your life: Prepare yourself to make the most out of this beautiful month. Do what you need to do to stay on top of everything during Ramadan. You may find it easier to keep to a rigorous schedule of prayer, meals, and anything else may be pertinent to your daily life.
Put your affairs in order: Take care of anything serious that you need to do before Ramadan begins. You may be able to focus more intently on spiritual growth if you don’t need to worry about any extra issues.
Shop for groceries in advance: It might be a chore to shop when you’re hungry. Prepare large batches of food and freeze them; chop vegetables and store them in airtight containers.
Some tips to better manage your time during Ramadan in order to achieve your goals:
With hotter & longer days we must learn to practice patience while making time for worship
Plan your time when you first wake up setting aside time for worship, work, rest & family
Eat a well balanced Suhoor or pre dawn meal everyday. Not only is it full of blessings but eating at this time will give you the energy you need to make it through the day without feeling too weak & exhausted
Include fruits, vegetables, dates in your diet & cut out oily foods
Increase intake of water & antioxidant juices between Iftar & Suhoor to keep hydrated
Manage your sleeping hours so as to get enough time for rest & worship
Pray the obligatory Salah on time by getting yourself ready as soon as the time for Salah comes.
Ramadan is the month of Quran. Try to schedule reading/reciting it during any free time that you may have. If you are working, keep a pocket sized Quran with you & read it when you get time like on your lunch break, coffee break & so on.
Make dua for yourself ,family & all Muslims when possible .
During the last 10 days of Ramadan we should try to accumulate as much reward as possible by making use of every moment
Try to sleep less & worship more . Aisha reported:
“With the start of last 10 days of Ramadan the prophet used to tighten his waist belt & used to pray all night & used to keep his family awake for the prayer” (Bukhari)
Now that we have prioritized the things that we should plan or schedule around, we should have a better idea of the time that it left. Utilizing these tips will help to ensure that we are getting the things that we need to do, thus having a better idea how to manage our own personal goals.
#3 Wasting Our Free Time
After all is said and done, you may find that you have free time. This is where we need to be extra careful.The month of Ramadan is a precious time. Before we know it, this beautiful month of mercy and forgiveness will be over. We should try to spend every moment possible worshiping Allah swt. However, there are those moments of “free time” that end up being wasted. Remember that Ramadan is an opportunity to let go of any bad habits and develop good ones. Here are some ways how we can waste precious time:
Watching or listening to things that we know we shouldn’t
Playing video games
Engaging in conversations that we know we shouldn’t ( backbiting)
Revisiting any bad habits one may be trying to let go of
#4 How Can We Best Utilize Our Free Time
So what can we do to make sure that we stay on the right path? How can we utilize any free time that we may have in a way that will benefit us and not take away from our purpose? Would it be worth it to have our fasts and duas wasted over some free time we did not utilize properly? Here are some things that we can do in the event we have some free time, while guarding our fast.
Read the Quran: It is important to read the Quran during Ramadan. Once you have set a daily goal on how much you are going to read each day, use any extra time to read more.
Memorize Surahs: It is good to have a lot of surahs stored in mind, so keep memorizing more, and revise the ones that you have already memorized.
Pray extra prayers. It will help you to become closer to Allah and you will have lots of reward. Don’t pray the obligatory prayers and stop there; try to increase your worship by praying optional prayers.
Get plenty of rest. Fasting can throw off your normal eating and sleeping schedule, and you may need to get more sleep than usual in order to stay strong. Many people stay up late at night, then nap in the afternoon. Try to take naps midway through the day – even a half-hour power nap will leave you feeling refreshed. But don’t sleep too much because you will miss the month of acceptance.
Be gracious and giving: Generosity is a central theme to Ramadan, and you can practice this community spirit in every single interaction with another person. You don’t need to donate money: you can brighten someone’s day with a smile or a few kind words. You can even give back to others simply by being patient and kind. Take this month as an opportunity to be the best sort of person that you can be.
We await this holy month every year in hopes of improving ourselves and getting closer to Allah swt. Let’s make sure that we use this time wisely to ensure that we do just that. Make every minute count so that can be better servants of Allah swt. May we all have a beautiful and blessed Ramadan InshaAllah.
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family
Although married couples are not permitted to be intimate to the level which may lead to sexual intercourse while fasting, there are many other ways to express your love for one another during Ramadan.
Allah swt says:
“It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not have relations with them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques. These are the limits [set by] Allah, so do not approach them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous.” [Quran 2:187]
Therefore, it is important to remember that while sexual activity during the day is strictly prohibited, after Maghrib and until the beginning of Fajr the next morning, resuming sexual relations with your husband is not forbidden. Although you may probably be tired from the long days of fasting, it is worth knowing the boundaries and what is allowed for the month of Ramadan.
Today, I will be sharing a few tips that will allow you to create time for your spouse, help you bond with your husband, and assist in strengthening your iman as a wife during the holy month of Ramadan. Striving for a happy marriage even during the busy days of Ramadan will cement the foundations for a blessed marriage throughout the rest of the year, InshaAllah.
1) Make time for your spouse
You may be asking, how do I even find the time for myself during Ramadan, much less find the time to spend with my husband? Quite frankly, life can become very hectic during Ramadan, especially with young children, and it seems as if everything has gotten completely out of control. However, what often calms this tornado is preparation and focusing on what really matters, our final destination, jannah. And how do we achieve jannah? InshaAllah
One of the ways that a woman will enter Paradise is by pleasing her husband, as the Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:
“Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.” [At- Tirmidhi]
Taking the above into consideration, it is no wonder that the thought of pleasing your husband refocuses your thoughts.Creating time for your husband is a goal every wife should strive for, especially in the holy month of Ramadan, as rewards are multiplied. Make multiple intentions when you set out to please your husband: to increase your patience with his shortcomings, to control your anger, to be kinder; so you get multiple rewards for each of these intentions, InshaAllah.
2) Eat suhoor and iftar with your husband
One way in which you can spend time with your spouse is by eating suhoor and iftar with him, for this is a beautiful way to connect with one another during Ramadan. Furthermore, these times provide a great opportunity for each of you to discuss your progress in terms of your Ramadan goals and to remind each other that you are both fasting for the sake of Allah swt. If your husband breaks his fast at the masjid, then try and set a time later in the evening for a light meal to make up for it. Even if you are unable to make this happen everyday, try and plan it for two or three evenings a week, and you can even get the children involved in these discussions. The aim is to have a stress-free and calm environment in which to connect and enjoy each other’s company.
3) Have your husband help out
A great way to show someone you care for them is to help them out during their most stressful times; you will know this better than anyone if you are a mother with young children. With that being said, there are many ways in which husbands can assist their wives during Ramadan, such as loading the dishwasher, watching the children, or helping to prepare suhoor and iftar. Certainly, having a helping hand is very much appreciated and increases the love between a husband and wife because they are doing something together. Before Ramadan begins, have a discussion with him and suggest ways that he can help you. That you can help one another. Remind him of the great reward that is attached to helping others, especially during Ramadan.
4) Increase your knowledge as a couple
Another effective way for couples to increase their love for one another during Ramadan is to tune into Islamic lectures together about marriage in Islam,or reading books regarding the rights of husbands and wives in Islam. Listening to Islamic lectures or reading Islamic material from books can be done together any time throughout the day, and is a great way to not only gain knowledge, but to also spend quality time together while strengthening your bond.
5) Send each other a hadith
This is something that my husband and I do daily. We often read that one tip for maintaining a healthy marriage is leaving each other sweet “I love you” notes. Whether it’s on his desk at home or maybe through text. Just little reminders throughout the day to let him know how you feel. During Ramadan,we can do this by sending each other text messages. For instance, send him a hadith about jannah and tell him you are reminding him of the beauty that awaits you both, to motivate you both to work hard, so that you both may meet each other in jannah one day:
“Kauthar is a river in Paradise whose banks are of gold and its bed is of rubies and pearls. Its soil is more fragrant than musk, its water is sweeter than honey and whiter than snow.” [Sunan IbnMajah]
Sending and receiving a beautiful hadith like this during Ramadan will remind you both of the beautiful gifts that you will receive for your sacrifices in this life, InshaAllah.
6) Encourage each other
Encourage each other to read the Qur’an daily, to memorize surahs and duas, and to pray on time during Ramadan. With every spoken word of sincere encouragement comes plentiful reward. And with every word of encouragement that you share, is a reminder of your love for one another, for only loved ones encourage each other to be the best they can be in order to make it to jannah together. InshaAllah
7) Prepare yourself for his return from i’tikaf
If you’re like me, I’m sure you like to get dressed up for those fun Eid celebrations with family. This Ramadan, try and take some time out to glam yourself up a day early, just for your husband, if he has gone for i’tikaf. After 10 days of not seeing you and spending every moment in the worship of Allah swt, your husband will appreciate that you made an effort just for him. Again, with the intention of pleasing Allah swt through pleasing your husband, this will ensure enormous reward for you, and guarantee a happy husband!
8) Make dua in secret for one another
Ramadan has countless ways for duas to be accepted. So, for truly lasting happiness, make a sincere dua that Allah swt, bless your marriage and increase the love and understanding between you and your spouse. Abu Dharr reported that Allah’s Messenger swt said:
“There is no believing servant who supplicates for his brother behind his back (in his absence) that the Angels do not say: The same be for you too.” [Sahih Muslim]
Although there are some restrictions that may seem to make it difficult to maintain a strong, healthy bond/ relationship with your spouse during the Holy month, there are many things that we can do that are permissible and will not only please Allah swt, but will also strengthen the bond between husband and wife. May Allah swt keep us strong and continue to strengthen our marriages InshaAllah.
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
One of the many things that we look forward to during this blessed month is that moment that we are able to break our fast at iftar. Not only because we are able to sit and have our first meal after fasting for 12 plus hours, but it is a time to sit and enjoy time with our families. Traditionally it is a feast for many. However, how much is too much? Is there such a thing as too much? I mean after all we are famished. They say that too much of anything is not a good thing. But that does not apply up food does it? In short, it most certainly does.
Both the Hebrew scripture and the Christian speak on gluttony, but it is only the Holy Quran that also speaks directly regarding the waste of food.
“It is He Who has brought into being gardens, the cultivated and the wild, and date-palms, and fields with produce of all kinds, and olives and pomegranates, similar ( in kind) and variegated. Eat of their fruit in season, but give (the poor) their due on harvest day. And do not waste, for Allah swt does not love the wasteful.” [Quran 6:141]
From this verse we understand that food is a primary source of waste. Think of the many times that we have done all of our grocery shopping only to be throwing out a portion of what we bought because it has gone bad. However, not only does Allah swt command us to not waste, but in the same verse he teaches us how to avoid it. He instructs us to share our food with the poor, and not leftovers but when it is fresh.
Excess resulting in waste
Being wasteful can also be a result of having too much. It may be the sweetest melon that you have ever had, but if you buy too much, most of it will likely go to waste. Allah swt addresses the problem of excess in the Quran:
“ Oh you who believe! Do not make unlawful the wholesome things which God has made lawful for you, but commit no excess for God does not love those things given to excess.” [ Quran 5:87]
In Islam, Allah swt requires that Muslims share a portion of what they have with the poor. And again not from what we have leftover but from every harvest (fresh) of what we have.
Gluttony resulting in waste
From the verses above we understand that God has provided us with a wide variety of delicious and lawful, or halal, food for us to eat. We can also gather from this that God in fact wants to enjoy our food. But eating excessively comes with harsh penalties.
“ Eat of the wholesome things that we have provided for your sustenance, but commit no excess therein, less my condemnation fall upon you; he upon whom My condemnation falls has indeed thrown himself into utter ruin” [ Quran 20:81]
Gluttony is a form of self sabotage that can cause numerous health risks. Overeating may be seen merely as self indulgence in the presence of delicious food, but Allah swt does not see it this way. It is easy to see that the consumption, like taking drugs or drinking alcohol, clearly carries dangerous health risks. But the lesson here is that even eating wholesome foods can carry dangerous risks when consumed excessively.
Obesity and diabetes, among other health conditions related to overeating, are clearly risks that Allah swt would like us to avoid. And just as we put the spoon in our mouth, with our own hand, Allah swt makes it very clear that we in fact are responsible for our own condemnation.
So how can we avoid being wasteful during Ramadan? Here are a few tips that I myself find useful.
Plan meals ahead of time or better yet meal prep
Planning meals ahead of time can reduce the amount of food that we waste. Setting aside and preparing just enough for everyone who will be breaking fast with you will minimize the chances of having to throw any excess out therefore wasting good food.
Inventory and shopping lists
Take an inventory of everything that you already have on hand, in your fridge and pantry. Then make a shopping list of everything that you’ll need. Ever gone to the grocery store for a few items only to walk out with double or triple of what you went there for in the first place? Having a shopping list will help to keep you focused on buying only what you need. Shopping lists will become your best friends. And make sure to not give in to any “specials” the markets may have. Although it may in fact be a great deal, stay focused only on what you went there for.
Eat your leftovers
If you do find yourself having leftovers eat them right away during the next meal. Maybe it may not be what you had planned to eat, but it is good food, so eat it, don’t waste it.
Share with those who are less fortunate
If you see that you have made extra or more than you had originally planned for, share with your neighbors or the poor. As Muslims it is one of our religious duties, to feed the poor.
Allah swt described those who feed needy people as those who will be among the “ companions of the right” and those who will inherit Jannah.
The Prophet PBUH also showed us that what is given in charity and what is being fed to the poor is what actually remains, ( eternally in terms of rewards with Allah swt) as opposed to the food we consume.
“And the ones who offer food, instead of their own need, to the needy, and the orphan, and the hostage, [saying in their hearts],’We only feed you for the sake of Allah Almighty, and we ask for nothing in return from you, not even a word of thanks” (76:8-9)
Although we will all enjoy this blessed month and all of the wonderful, delicious food that Allah swt has provided for us, let us try to stay mindful and not be wasteful. Remember to also give to those who are less fortunate for the sake of Allah swt. This is a time for us all to be grateful for all that we have and share with those who have less that we do. May Allah swt make us strong and disciplined and may we all show generosity during this holy month. Ameen.
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
