Conflict Between Muslims; Resolution Between Muslims 

Why do two or more people find themselves in the middle of a dispute or argument? 

There may be a variety of reasons. Sometimes one person unintentionally upsets, mistreats or offends another. With so many going through so much these days, there are times when our personal situations/ feelings get the best of us and we end up taking those aggressions out on another. Then there are times when there are personality clashes. Disputes and disagreement typically take place with those we are around most. I.e. family, friends, colleagues. Islam advocates living in peace with God – the Creator and Lord of all that exists. As well as, seeking peace within our own selves, and living in peace with other human beings, and in peace with our surroundings and environment in its entirety. 

All conflicts – whether they are interpersonal, or within the family and community, or national and international disturb this relationship of peace. 

In all cases of dispute, it is very important for the others around the two disputing people or groups, especially those in positions of authority, to wisely play the role of advocacy, pacification and moderation in order to prevent the situation from being blown out of proportion and causing a permanent straining of relations.There is a great reward for those who facilitate reconciliation between disputing parties. Narrated Abud Darda’, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than (voluntary) fasting, prayer and almsgiving (sadaqah)?” The people replied, “Yes, Prophet of Allah!” He said, “It is putting things right between people. Spoiling relations is the shaver.” (Abu Dawud)

Disagreements Between the Prophets Companions

At a time when the ummah is riddled with many kinds of trials and tribulations, one of which is disunity brought on by arguments over matters of faith, which in many cases leads to outright physical fighting and killing, there is a dire need to highlight relevant incidents from the life of Prophet Muhammad SAW where he effectively resolved disputes between conflicting parties to bring about reconciliation.

The companions and wives of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) were the most devout Muslims in terms of righteousness and fear of Allah. Yet, they used to have disagreements that sometimes turned into disputes.

Many a time, one or both of the disputing parties would come to him complaining about the other, and he would use impartial judgment as well as Divinely-inspired wisdom to decide which one of them was wrong and needed to apologize or compensate the other.

The important thing to remember is that the Prophet was in a position of authority over them, and his decision was always the best, with absolutely no chance of being even slightly wrong.

Unfortunately, he is not with us anymore, which means that it is imperative for us average Muslims today to closely analyze how he handled the situations of conflict between his companions and wives, and what he did step-by-step in order to solve them.

Dispute Between Abu Bakr and Umar

Although I did my own independent research regarding disputes that the Prophet himself handled, I thought it would be best to copy and paste this example given by Sadaf Farooqi. 

Once, the two close friends Abu Bakr and Umar had a dispute with each other. Something that Abu Bakr did had made Umar angry, and even though Abu Bakr went after him asking for forgiveness, Umar slammed the door on his face in a huff.

Abu Bakr then came to sit in the company of the Prophet and his companions including Abud Darda (the narrator), and the Prophet immediately sensed, probably from Abu Bakr’s body language and facial expression, that he was disconcerted. However, Abu Bakr remained silent, until Umar himself arrived and narrated the story of what had transpired between them to the Prophet..

When the Prophet heard the details of this dispute, he became angry. Abu Bakr immediately admitted that he was more at fault as soon as he saw the Prophet’s anger. When the Prophet saw how Abu Bakr was not just admitting that he had been more wrong, but had also sought forgiveness from Umar, he undertook a two-step strategy to encourage Umar to forgive him.

First, he called Abu Bakr his friend or companion and asked all those seated around himself, twice, whether they would “leave” for him his companion i.e. whether they would desert the one friend who had always been by his side. This automatically hints at the way Abu Bakr had proved his loyalty to Allah as a comrade and helper of the Prophet, especially during adversities.

Next, the Prophet narrated an example to everyone seated around him, of Abu Bakr’s sincerity and loyalty to the Truth, by recalling how, when he had started proclaiming his Prophethood to mankind, everyone had called him a liar at first, except Abu Bakr, who had said, “You speak the truth”.

The lesson we can derive from this narration for solving disputes, is that we should hasten to forgive the one who admits that he has wronged us, and is sincerely seeking forgiveness for it.

Reconciliation can be facilitated by making the one who has been wronged recall the past good that the one who has wronged them has done to them, especially if there is glaring evidence of that person being very truthful, sincere, Allah-fearing and righteous.

The one who is angry should not remain aloof and diffident for too long from someone who has proven himself to be fiercely loyal to Prophet Muhammad.

Modern Day Disputes

For any Muslim who holds a position of authority of any kind, such as a household head, a parent, an employer of domestic staff, a manager in a corporation, or a ruling president/government official, it is very important for them to impart justice in resolving disputes between two people who are under their authority.

Many disputes begin at the level of the household unit – the family. Sadly, partiality and favoritism in a person occupying a position of authority (such as a parent) towards another member of the family often results in feelings of resentment in those who are deliberately and repeatedly wronged by the latter, and neither side feels that their feelings have been acknowledged or validated, nor have they been given the opportunity to defend  themselves. 

In most of these cases, the causes of disputes and fighting stem from how the authority figures of the household unwittingly commit injustice upon the weaker members of their extended family, or discriminate against some of them by giving preferential treatment to others. This can also be true for any situation where disputes are involved. Work, business, or personal friendships as well. 

Like the Prophet, had the authority figures in the household or in the workplace done their duty of executing justice and fairness between those involved in a dispute , and admitted their error the way the Prophet’s humble companions did, their family and or relationships would have been successful in avoiding recurrent disputes, disagreements, and most of all, the distancing between hearts that were initially close. They would have been able to live closer together in harmony.

The Prophets SAW Way

1. He heard complaints of both sides before passing a verdict.

2. He mentioned the good traits and righteous deeds of the wrong-doer if the latter was apologetic and repentant, to facilitate reconciliation.

3. He allowed the recipient of an undeserved verbal onslaught to defend their honor, even if they were younger in age.

4. He did not – and this is a very important key point – exhort the wronged person to keep silent in the name of patience and restraint. He did not allow their oppressor to continue with their injustices. Rather, he made sure that the wrongdoing was not just stopped, but that the one who was wronged also defended themselves.

Resolution and Building

As Muslims we are meant to maintain peaceful, healthy, meaningful relationships with God and with all of humanity. This relationship is disrupted by conflicts, whether interpersonal, communal, national or international. Its restoration is essential for the sake of fairness and justice. Peace-building efforts work towards preventing an escalation of conflict and establishing a durable and self-sustaining peace.

Here are some relevant verses from the Qur’an addressed to the Islamic community:

 “O You who believe! Stand out firmly for God, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to piety: and fear God. For God is well-acquainted with all you do” (Al Maidah 5:8). 

And:

 “O You who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or you kin, and whether it be against rich or poor: For God can best protect both. Follow not the lusts of your hearts, lest you swerve, and if distort justice or decline to do justice, verily God is well-acquainted with all that you do” (Al Nisa 4:135). 

Islamic scholars also emphasize promoting Islamic ethics in order to prevent, mediate, and resolve various conflicts. This must take place along with a personal transformation, developing spiritual awareness through Dhikr (constantly remembering God and His Grace), praying, and fasting. As well as through acts of charity and love for other human beings. 

One should exercise compassion and forgive others who have done him harm, and move away from greed, egocentricity, and harming others and work to live peacefully in cooperation with each other. Understanding all of this will help to build, rebuild, and maintain healthy relationships with those around us, as well as help to strengthen ourselves. 

May we do all that we can to maintain healthy relationships with those around us for the sake of Allah. InshaAllah 

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

Why Does Allah Test Us

There are a number of reasons why God allows hardship and adversity in our lives. Even the genuine believers experience hardship and adversity at some stage in their lives. It is important that we remember that every test, every trial is all a part of His plan. At times it can feel like we are doing everything that we can to be the best Muslims that we can be and yet it feels as if we are being punished. We then begin to feel as if we are not doing something right in our lives. But what?

1- Test of Faith

It is Allah’s design to put us all through hardship and adversity so as to test their faith and their resolve and trust in Him. 

“Do the people think that they will be left to say” We believe without being out to the test?” (Quran 29:2)

We have tested those before them, for Allah must distinguish those who are truthful, and He must expose the liars. (29:3)

We will surely test you through some fear, hunger , and loss of money, lives, and crops. Give good news to the steadfast. (2:155)

To pass the test, we must trust that only Allah swt can relieve our hardship. We must pray and call unto Him:

“ Who is the One who rescues those who become desperate and call upon Him, relieves adversity, and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is it another god with God? Really do you take heed? (27:62)

2- Cleansing our Soul

Hardship and adversity is decreed by Allah swt as a cleansing of our souls from sins we have already committed. As a result, some of the bad things that happen to us are a direct result of sins we have committed:

Anything bad that happens to you is a consequence of your own deeds, and He looks over many ( of your sins) (42:30)

The concept of cleansing us from our sins in this life is a Quranic truth. It can be achieved through the experiencing of hardship and adversity (as 42:30) For me this can be a hard pill to swallow at times. Although I am aware of the many sins that I myself have committed throughout my life, to think that even though I have completely turned my life around and doing my very best to live a life that pleases Him, I could still be paying for things that I did years ago. I have to remind myself that the adversities are all in accordance with His wisdom and plan. 

3- Gratefulness 

Suffering through hardship and adversity is a reminder for those of us who tend to take things for granted and forget all of God’s blessings. Despite all the blessings given to us by Allah swt, we can many times be unappreciative. This is me many times. While my husband is the one who is always reminding me to count my blessings, I am usually the one who always seems to find something to complain about.So many times we need that reminder, and it may come in the form of hardship and adversity. Hopefully these kinds of reminders will help us to be grateful for all of the blessings that He does bestow on us every day. 

“ If you can not count Allah’s blessings, you can never encompass them. Indeed, the human being is transgressing, unappreciative. (14:34)

When we bless the human being, he turns away, and drifts farther and farther away, and when he suffers any affliction, he implores loudly. (41:51) 

This is true for many of us. When things are going great many of us forget His presence. We get a little relaxed on our praise for Him. However, when things seem to be falling apart around us, we cry out loud for Him asking why? 

4- Remembering Allah (swt)

Adversity and hardship is also a very effective reminder for those of us who are way too absorbed in the worldly life, and thus we may not be as devoted to Allah swt as we should be. Due to our being too preoccupied with this worldly life we do not seek God nor call on God as we should:

He is the One who moves you across the sea and land. You get onto the ships and they sail smoothly in a nice breeze. the n while rejoicing therein, violent wind blows, and the waves surround them from every side. This is when they implore God, sincerely devoting their prayers to Him alone: If you only save us this time, we will be eternally appreciative. (10:22) 

But as soon as He saves them, they transgress on earth, and oppose the truth. O people your transgression is only to the detriment of your own souls. You remain preoccupied with this worldly life, then to us is your ultimate return, then we inform you of everything that you have done. (10:23) 

I have certainly found myself in this position. Crying out when there is a dire need and then forgetting all about it when there isn’t. But, we are always in need of Him. His mercy, forgiveness, love, compassion, protection, and so much more. We should be aware of His presence every day not only when we are struggling or suffering. We should thank Him every day for all that we have. Acknowledging our blessings that He bestows upon us daily will help us to become more grateful for all that we have. Reminding ourselves of His presence and goodness in our lives, not only helps us to be more grateful, but it brings peace to our hearts like nothing else can. 

5- Allah’s Power and Authority

Many people are either oblivious of, or need to be reminded of God’s absolute authority. Hardship and adversity are one way to remind us that no one can save us but Him, and also remind us of God’s absolute authority. We also need to be reminded that we need God in every minute of our lives. Sadly when God relieves the adversity, many of us return to idol worship once again. We forget how He pulled us out of said hardship and made things right again. 

O people, you are the ones who need God, while God is in no need for anyone, the Most Praiseworthy (35:15)

If the human is touched by adversity, he implores us, but as soon as we bestow a blessing upon him, he says, “ I attained this because of my cleverness!” Indeed this is only a test, but most of them do not know. (39:49) 

I’ve mentioned before that in the beginning of my journey to Islam, a good friend said to me, “ Allah tests those that He loves the most.” I remember during that time, my family was getting hit with just about every adversity you can think of. Job loss, sickness, it was coming at us from every direction it seemed like. All that I was thinking during that time was that perhaps I was doing something wrong. Maybe everyone was right and I needed to make a complete u turn and go back to what I knew. How else could this be explained? Why were all of these things happening? Especially when I was doing the right thing, right? Regardless of what I was thinking at that time, my heart would not allow me to turn back. I pushed forward, trusting that He was in control and that everything would be just fine. One of the hardest things for me was to have complete and total faith in Allah azzajawal, when everything felt like it was going south. Little did I know all of the great things that He was preparing us for. He was making me stronger. Alhamdulillah. 

May we all remain faithful and aware of His presence and all of His blessings. Ammen

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

Ramadan and Non-Muslims

Whether it be family, for many reverts, coworkers, friends, or neighbors, chances are we spend a good portion of our day around Non- Muslims. Many times these people will have a million and one questions, but sometimes are afraid to ask. Maybe they are embarrassed, or simply don’t know how or what to ask. Educating our Non- Muslim friends not only creates a positive environment that promotes unity, but it also provides an opportunity for us to break the shell of misconceptions and help shed the light on the beauty of Islam. For Muslims living in the West, there is a greater need to showcase Ramadan – not just as the month of fast, but as the month of inspiration, the revelation of the Quran, the spreading of the Message, the solidifying of the prayer, and the general remembrance of worship that upgrades us throughout the year.

Sharing the Joy of Ramadan

Ideally, being a good Muslim should be one that takes place throughout the 12 months of the year, and not just punctuated during Ramadan, since Muslims should be cohesively celebrative in society, without having to compromise their beliefs and principles, and to constantly be a driving force of good values. But even if we feel we have done our best, we can always do better. So, with a couple of weeks left of  Ramadan, here are a few steps that we can take towards sharing the joy of the Holy Month with non-Muslim neighbors, friends, colleagues, and InshaAllah, society as a whole.

Start with Du’a and Intentions that are pleasing to Allah

You can’t go wrong with du’a and the best of intentions. Sharing something we love is inherent in our religion. Make sincere du’a that Allah puts blessings in our endeavors in spreading the joy of the 9^th Lunar Month, and for our own personal betterment with Allah. After all, it is said that whoever pleases Allah at the risk of displeasing the people, Allah will be pleased with him or her, (and that is enough of a reward for the believer), but Allah will also make the people be pleased with that person. What better way to start spreading love and care to others especially during the month where the gates of Jannah (Paradise) are the most welcoming.

Look For Opportunities in your community

If you’re already active in your local community (community centers, library, a multi-faith agency, or local college or university), look for ways you can “represent” Ramadan, perhaps through volunteer work or simply reaching out. Many communities in the West that are diverse in nature tend to have seasonal celebrations of multi-faiths and cultures. If there is an opportunity to showcase Islam, step up as a volunteer. Sometimes, just doing a Ramadan craft with children is enough to introduce Ramadan to young families. It only really takes a little pique of interest to start inquisitive minds on a discovery reel of a new religion. Other forms of community work could include working with organizations that fund Muslim and non-Muslim charities to collaborate in charitable efforts collectively. Here in Houston we have several organizations. The one that I am familiar with feeds the homeless every Thursday night.  If you can get in touch with a reputable Muslim organization that (preferably), has already made inroads with the non-Muslim community, this would be great training grounds on how to approach the non-Muslim community. Giving out gifts prior to Ramadan, pamphlets, invitations to iftar, copies of the Quran translated into the local language, have all been means in spreading the love of Islam.

Reach out to the Closest Non-Muslims

Prophet Muhammad harbored great amounts of compassion for neighbors, and did not discriminate between his Muslim neighbors and non-Muslim neighbors. He spoke to them regularly and exchanged gifts with them, shared meals, and spoke openly about our beliefs.

Our best advocates as Muslims living in the West are our non-Muslim neighbors and friends, if adversities break out, and Muslims fall prey to the misconceptions of Islam. Make an effort to speak to neighbors at the onset of Ramadan, send invitations to share iftar meals, or simple gifts representing the meaning of Ramadan.

Every year my kids and I make these Ramadan mason jars filled with dates and sometimes nuts. Our first year living in this neighborhood, being the only Muslim family, we decided to show our neighbors a little bit of who we are. It was our way of extending ourselves to our neighbors by not only giving them a little gift, but also letting them know that if they needed anything that we were there to help. This was also our way of opening that door of communication. I feel like it let them know that if they ever did have any questions, we were more than willing to answer any. 

Utilize the Internet

What better way to spread our love for Ramadan than to encourage a complete change in mindset that eliminates the “us vs. them” mentality?

It goes without saying that Muslims will often fall victim to the aggression, intolerance, and bias of the media. The truth is, media propaganda and hate-campaigns have been around since the times of the Prophets. In particular, Moses had to deal with a defamatory campaign, launched by the Pharaoh of Egypt, while all Moses had was himself, his brother, his staff, and a handful of followers amongst the oppressed community of Bani Israel.

Prophet Muhammad ( saw) had to deal with the smear campaigns by the likes of Abu Lahab and Abu Jahl, two of the most eloquent and powerful men of Arabia during their time. 

Hate spreads like wildfire, and it is only by the overwhelming Mercy of Allah that each Messenger “survives” the torture, even if it didn’t seem like it. At least we know that the ummah of Muhammad saw the religion through, so much so, that it has lasted until this very day.

The ummah today faces its own challenges, including a loud minority of Muslims who unfortunately peruse personal and political interests in the name of Islam, causing a lot of harm upon Muslims who only want to live in harmony in this world and the next. Unfortunately these few get magnified by the media.

Regardless of these challenges, it is important that Muslims remain united and not fall into despair. Allah changes the condition of those who strive to make changes for themselves. And what better way to work towards those changes, with just a couple of weeks left of Ramadan – it’s all in the blessings of the Holy Month.

May Allah (swt) continue to bless us, make us strong, and bring our communities together InshaAllah. Ameen

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

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