Originally by Karema Williams

Assalamu Alaikum dear brothers,

I’m writing this post to bring a little clarity—especially for the brothers—on what women truly look for in a spouse. Too often, I see posts accusing women of being greedy, materialistic, or chasing wealth. But I want to share my personal story to help shift that narrative.

This isn’t about defending women—this is about understanding them. And I hope my marriage story will help.

How It Started: A Message That Stood Out

My husband, Karim, had only been in the Amirazz group for three weeks. He’d spent that time quietly observing before he finally sent me a message. Why? Because he appreciated my mind.

At the time, I wasn’t actively seeking to marry again. I had a good job as an English teacher, lived in a nice apartment, and by many standards, I was doing just fine. But deep down, I was lonely. So, I agreed to chat with him—not because I was desperate, but because I wanted to see if there was compatibility.

As our conversations grew, I realized we had a lot in common. But I was still hesitant. Giving up my home, my job, and my independence to move to another city for a man I barely knew felt risky. So yes—I asked him questions. Important ones. And I want to explain why.

The Questions I Asked—and Why They Mattered

1. Do you have a job?

Yes, Karim had a solid job he’d held for over 11 years.
Now, did I ask this to spend his salary? Absolutely not. I asked because a man with a stable job shows responsibility. He can care for a family. A jobless man isn’t “less than”—but he may struggle with depression, stress, or feelings of inadequacy, all of which can deeply affect a marriage.

2. Do you rent or own your home?

He owned his home.
This told me he was investing in his future and thinking long-term—not just living day-to-day. Of course, not everyone can afford to buy a house, and that’s okay. But in his case, it showed readiness for a stable, shared future.

3. What’s your relationship like with your kids?

Karim was the full-time carer of his two young daughters. He’d been raising them alone for three years. That alone was deeply impressive. He worked full-time, cooked, cleaned, helped with homework—he did it all.

A lot of women shy away from marrying a man with children, especially if they are young. But I saw it differently. I saw a man who was caring, committed, and capable of handling responsibility with grace. That told me more about his character than any expensive gift or romantic message ever could.

It Was Never About Money

Karim didn’t send me love poems or proposals in our first conversations. He was looking for a woman who shared his mindset. And I wasn’t looking for money or luxury. I had those things on my own. What I wanted was stability, friendship, and a peaceful, faith-based home.

Yes, he is generous—true to his name, Karim—but I wasn’t attracted to his generosity with wealth. I was drawn to his generosity of spirit.

When a woman is asked to leave her job, her home, and her support system, she will ask questions. And those questions don’t mean she’s greedy. They mean she’s cautious, wise, and thinking of the long-term success of the marriage.

To My Brothers: Prepare Yourself First

To all the brothers seeking wives in Amirazz or anywhere else: before pointing fingers at women, take an honest look at yourselves. Are you ready to provide—not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually?

Karim was ready. Within three months of messaging me, we were married, alhamdulillah. My mother supported me, and today, my husband and I live a stable, happy life together.

Don’t blame women for being “too picky.” Instead, prepare your life so that a woman would feel secure stepping into it. Don’t blame the group. Don’t blame the sisters.

Improve yourself—your mindset, your stability, your faith—and you’ll improve your chances of finding a righteous, sincere wife.

May Allah grant us all beneficial spouses and homes filled with barakah.
Ameen.