How To Be A Supportive Wife

Author: Rebecca Pena Hikal

How To Be A Supportive Wife

Rebecca Pena

“And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from among yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this, there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21)”

Allah (SWT) has created for each of us a spouse, and He explains that one of the goals of marriage is that both husband and wife find comfort in each other. The world is difficult and filled with trials and tribulations. Allah (SWT) made our spouses so that we can find support and comfort with them in times of difficulty. The idea of love how it happens can also be explained by this verse when Allah says,

“and He has placed between you, love and mercy.”

So what happens when difficulties do arise? Marriage is full of ups and downs and isn’t always going to be bunnies and rainbows. There are going to be times when things become difficult and you will need to rely on one another for support. How can one do this when they too are experiencing said difficulties? How can you be a supportive wife when you are feeling those same emotions of stress, anger and hurt as your husband?

In 2017 my husband was wrongfully terminated from his high paying position with the company that he worked for. I had been a stay at home mom for the last 8 years. There he was, hurt and angry, trying to process everything that had just taken place. He was worried about how we were going to pay our bills. Coming from a culture where the man is the breadwinner, and he was, he was embarrassed and ashamed at the thought of my having to go back to work while he stayed home. While he was going through a series of emotions, and rightfully so, I too was stressed, angry, thinking about how I now needed to go back to work in order to support our family until he found another job. How on earth was I going to be the supportive wife I knewI needed to be? I was just as emotionally distraught as he was. In fact, me being the over emotional one out of the two of us, I was probably adding more stress to his plate by crying all of the time. One of the hardest things for me was to pull myself together and be there for my husband as he went through this difficult time in his life. Rather than add more stress to his plate, I needed to love, support, and help him push through this. 

Life is full of  challenges, but as a Muslimah you have to be strong and ensure that no matter what happens you will be by your husbands side.

Allah tells us that:

We have certainly created man into hardship 90:4

Bear with patience whatever befalls you 31:17

No matter what, you have to let him know that you are there for him. That you will stick by his side no matter how rough things may get. Here are some things that we as wives can do to help the situation. 

Pray for Him

One of the best ways that we can show that we love our husbands is to pray for them. When Allah loves a believer, He tests him, therefore pray to Allah so He may grant him strength and courage to endure any hardship that may come his way. Not only pray for him, but pray with him.  Praying together helps you show and receive trust, and  that strengthens the bonds of intimacy in your relationship.

 And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but good tidings to the patient. Surat Baqarah 2:155

Do Not Complain

This can be difficult for me at times. When the chips are down, sometimes it is my first instinct to complain. Although my complaints are not necessarily directed towards my husband, it still affects him in a negative way only making matters worse. One of the characteristics of the believers is that they praise Allah in all the situations. No matter how difficult.  Therefore, be courageous and try to remain calm. Stay strong and know that He will provide a way InshaAllah.  Do not complain about the difficulties you’re in or what you are going through. Complaining doesn’t help. It will only make already existing tensions rise, and will also serve as a reminder of everything going on. Your husband does not need to be reminded of his problems. Trust me, he is already very well aware. He needs to be reminded that he is not alone, that things will be okay InshaAllah, that he is loved. So try to remain calm throughout the storm. Ask Allah swt to give you strength so that you can be the wife that he needs you to be. 

Propose Some Ideas to Solve the Problem

Brainstorm. Try to come up with ideas to help. Even if you don’t have a solution, think of ways to help and or minimize the problem. Do not give up if option one fails, try to come up with as many proposals as possible. This will help  him realize that you are equally concerned about his trials. This will also show him that you are willing to help. 

Give Him Time/ Space

Quality time between husband and wife is  crucial and very important especially if one of the parties is going through hard times. Let him know that you are there for him no matter what. It’s times like this, although they may not say it outright, but our husbands need us most. Take care of him. Try not to let him see you grieve too much. Trust Allah swt. 

At times he may need his space and time alone. Respect that and don’t take it personal. Men are different from women. Whereas most women are more open to talking about their problems, a lot of men tend to shut down. Just be there, but don’t be too overbearing or pushy. If he knows that you’re there, he’ll come to you when he is ready. 

Be his advocate

If he knows that you are behind him 100%,, he’ll be stronger and more able to tackle the world. It’s said that behind every great man is a great woman, and this should absolutely be true in a Muslim marriage. When times are tough, he needs to know that you stand behind him and trust him to make the best decisions for your family. 

Listen to him

Although chances are he may not want to talk too much about what is stressing him out, let him know that you are there if he ever does. Sometimes just him knowing that you are there to listen, can help him to find some peace. Knowing that there is someone who cares. 

Cheer Him up

It may be difficult but try to make him smile. Smiling to your fellow Muslim is Sunnah, imagine smiling to your soul mate, you don’t only get rewards but you also enjoy it as wife. 

Trials will come. We will be tested. And when they do, remember to be there for one another. Ease the hardship for one another. By doing so you are not only fulfilling your responsibilities as a wife, but you are in fact strengthening your marriage. 

 May Allah grant ease to all the couples who are going through difficulties. Ameen 

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014,  her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family. 

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