In Islam, marriage is not only a legal contract but also a sacred union that brings two souls together with a foundation of love, mercy, and tranquility. The Qur’an beautifully describes this bond: “And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts…” (Qur’an 30:21). These principles underscore the importance of mental well-being within a marriage. However, mental health is sometimes overlooked in the pursuit of maintaining a stable household. This article aims to highlight the importance of mental health in marriage from an Islamic perspective, using insights from the Qur’an, Hadith, and contemporary research.
1. Mental Health and Emotional Balance in Marriage
Islam emphasizes maintaining mental and emotional balance in all aspects of life, and marriage is no exception. When individuals experience mental health challenges, such as stress, anxiety, or depression, it affects their interactions with their spouse and family. This is why Islam encourages believers to take care of both physical and mental health as part of holistic well-being. According to the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), believers should avoid excessive worry and strive for peace of mind and heart.
The Prophet is reported to have said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5641). This Hadith highlights the importance of acknowledging emotional pain and suggests that mental health struggles, while challenging, also come with spiritual growth and the opportunity for divine mercy.
In a marital context, acknowledging each other’s mental health struggles and offering support aligns with the Islamic principle of kindness and mutual care. When spouses empathize with one another’s emotional challenges, they create a compassionate environment that nurtures both the marriage and individual well-being.
2. Communication as a Pillar of Mental Health
One of the key components of a healthy marriage in Islam is effective communication. Miscommunication and lack of emotional openness often lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distress. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasized the importance of kind and thoughtful communication, stating, “The most perfect of believers in faith are those best in character, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1162).
In modern mental health literature, open and honest communication is considered essential for reducing stress and increasing marital satisfaction (American Psychological Association). Couples who discuss their worries, goals, and feelings with each other are better able to navigate challenges and maintain emotional intimacy. By prioritizing communication, Muslim couples can foster an environment of support and understanding, which is crucial for mental well-being. Research also confirms that open dialogue reduces emotional tension and strengthens marital bonds.
3. Empathy and Compassion: The Sunnah Approach
Empathy, or the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings, is highly valued in Islam. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was known for his empathy and kindness towards his family. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the Prophet’s wife, reported, “He would be at the service of his family” (Sahih al-Bukhari). This shows that caring for one’s spouse and understanding their struggles is not only a part of the Sunnah but also a means to strengthen marital relationships.
Empathy is a core component of mental health support. When a spouse is empathetic and compassionate, they provide a safe space for their partner to express emotions and challenges, thus reducing stress and fostering emotional stability. According to Islamic teachings, showing empathy is not just an act of love but also a duty that aligns with the principles of kindness and mercy in marriage.
4. Mental Health, Patience, and Tawakkul (Reliance on Allah)
Mental health challenges can test an individual’s patience and resilience. In marriage, spouses are encouraged to practice patience (sabr) and place their trust in Allah (tawakkul) during difficult times. The Qur’an says, “Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient” (Qur’an 2:153), and this principle is particularly applicable in managing mental health issues.
Islam encourages believers to seek help for their struggles, which includes both prayer and practical actions, such as therapy or counseling if necessary. Patience in this context does not mean suppressing emotions or neglecting treatment but rather embracing the process of healing with faith. When both partners rely on Allah and support each other patiently through mental health struggles, they create a resilient marriage that can withstand life’s challenges.
5. Seeking Help: Therapy and Counseling in Islam
Islam not only acknowledges mental health issues but also encourages seeking help. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised his followers to seek remedies for their ailments, saying, “Make use of medical treatment, for Allah has not made a disease without appointing a remedy for it…” (Sunan Abu Dawood 3855). This Hadith illustrates the importance of seeking treatment for both physical and mental health issues.
For Muslim couples experiencing mental health challenges, marriage counseling and therapy can be effective tools in managing stress, depression, and interpersonal issues. Therapy is not viewed as a lack of faith, but rather as a means of taking responsibility for one’s well-being and the well-being of the family. Islamic organizations and counseling services, such as Muslim Mental Health and Khalil Center, provide culturally sensitive support that aligns with Islamic values.
6. Creating a Supportive Environment for Mental Health in Marriage
In Islam, marriage is a partnership built on love and support. Creating a supportive environment that promotes mental health can include setting aside time for shared spiritual practices, like praying together, reading Qur’an, and making du’a (supplication). Studies show that shared religious activities help couples feel closer and foster a sense of spiritual support, which is essential for mental well-being (Pew Research Center).
Practices such as mindfulness, gratitude, and self-care also align with Islamic teachings and are important for mental health. For example, regular prayer (Salah) provides a structured time for reflection and emotional release, promoting inner peace. Additionally, gratitude (shukr) is encouraged in Islam and has been shown to improve mental health by fostering a positive outlook on life.
Mental health is an integral part of a successful marriage, and Islam provides comprehensive guidance on nurturing emotional well-being within marital relationships. Through empathy, patience, effective communication, and reliance on Allah, Muslim couples can create a loving and supportive marriage that promotes mental health. Islam also encourages seeking help, including therapy, as part of taking responsibility for one’s health.
By prioritizing mental health within marriage, Muslims can build stronger families, foster emotional well-being, and uphold the Islamic principles of mercy, love, and tranquility.
The memorial project in honor of Ahmad Woody Bagala-Alina Kayanja has begun and will be ending soon. We received a total of 236,93 Euros (254.03684 USD) as donations from different individuals. We are thankful for your efforts.
Jazaakummullaahu Khaeran!
Breakdown of how the money was spent:
Donation of €225 (excluding charges for transfer cost at €3.90 extra: see receipt above) to Masjid Darul Khair Quran Memorisation Centre, Busumbala, the Gambia for renovation of the mosque’s floor and acquisition of new carpets (ongoing project). Below are some of the pictures of the mosue pior to the donations:
Masjid Darul Khair Quran Memorisation Centre, Busumbala, the Gambia
Donation of €9,1 towards water projects under:We will update more pictures once the project at Masjid Darul Khair Quran Memorisation Centre, Busumbala, the Gambia is complete. ( See card above).
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Contributions received through Wazeer from sister Malika = €59
Nothing tastes better than that first sip of water or that first date after 12 to 15 hours of fasting.
Fasting is one of the five pillars of Islam and an obligation to all Muslims excused by conditions such as pregnancy, breastfeeding, illness, or other chronic health conditions. If you are not sure of any health conditions that you may have, please consult with your physician to make sure that fasting is okay for you.
Stop Fasting If You Feel Unwell
During a fast, you may feel a little tired, hungry and irritable, but you should never feel unwell. To keep yourself safe, especially if you are new to fasting, consider limiting your fast periods and keeping a snack on hand in case you start to feel faint or ill.
“[Observing Saum (fasts)] for a fixed number of days, but if any of you is ill or on a journey, the same number (should be made up) from other days. And as for those who can fast with difficulty, (e.g. an old man, etc.), they have (a choice either to fast or) to feed a Miskin (poor person) (for every day). But whoever does good of his own accord, it is better for him. And that you fast, it is better for you if only you know.”
— Quran: 2:184
For those fasting for the first time, or after a long absence, here are a few tips for Muslims to make sure you have a blessed and successful Ramadan fast.
1 – Overcome Your Fears About Dry Fasting
One thing that many converts to Islam mention as a big fear is to go without water for long stretches at a time, especially during the hot summer months. We’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s extremely unhealthy to go without food and water. However, for most adults, not eating anddrinking is more about mindset than any real danger to our bodies. Unless we have chronic health issues or conditions that might prevent us from successfully fasting, dry fasting for the month of Ramadan is perfectly safe. Going without food and drink for extended periods of time is actually called “dry fasting.” Reading more about the practice of dry fasting without water from multiple sources can help you get over any mental blocks. And again, If this is your first time fasting please check with your health care provider before making any decisions.
2 – Keep Your Intention to Please Allah (SWT)
Keeping your intention for pleasing Allah is essential to a successful Ramadan. Make the intention that your fast is for Allah alone. Make dua that Allah makes it easy for you and also that He accepts your fast for His sake.
“Sahl bin Sa’d (RA) reported Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying: “In Paradise there is a gate which is called Rayyan through which only the people who fast would enter on the Day of Resurrection. None else would enter along with them. It would be proclaimed: Where are the people who fast that they should be admitted into it? And when the last of them would enter, it would be closed and no one would enter it.” [Muslim]
Observing Ramadan is one of the most rewarding acts of worship (ibadah). Read about the virtues of fasting. It will refresh your faith and give you the boost to restrict hunger, thirst, bad habits, and other desires.
3 – Do Practice Fasts
Start with a few fasts beforehand. Aim to fast before the blessed month to understand your body clock, thirst level, and the quantities and types of foods that keep you active and alert.
If possible, fast a few days in the month and weeks before Ramadan starts to see how your body responds and what it can tolerate.
This is especially important if you haven’t fasted before or it has been a very long time since you last fasted. It applies also for kids who are trying to fast for the first time. Fasting a few days beforehand can help get your body used to the idea so it’s not as much of a shock to your system when Ramadan starts.
Practicing fasting before Ramadan does wonders. However, it’s not advised to do practice fasts in the few days just before Ramadan, since the Prophet has directed us not to:
“Abu Hurayrah (AS) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “Do not anticipate Ramadan by fasting one or two days before it begins, but if a man habitually fasts, then let him fast” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
4 – Take Your Healthy Eating to the Next Level
Ramadan is not only about gaining closeness to Allah swt, it is also about detoxing the mind, spirit and body. So it’s a good time to stay away from unhealthy foods while you try to eat as clean as possible.The first week of Ramadan is usually the hardest as your body adjusts to the drastic change. By week two you will generally feel better. By weeks three and four it will become more a matter ofthirst, not hunger, during the day.
5 – Eat a Moderate-sized Healthy Meal for Both Suhoor and Iftar
Have a proper meal, even at suhoor. A meal with fruits, veggies, slow release carbs, and protein will keep your energy level up as much as possible. These 10 mason-jar prepare-ahead meals are a great place to start. Bean-based meals can make you gassy So beans, while filling, may be best avoided in Ramadan.Smoothies and shakes are another great way to get all your nutrients in quickly – especially if you struggle to wake up or you wake up late. Keep some smoothie ingredients prepped ahead of time on days when you are in a rush to eat something for suhoor. Dates are also a sunnah to break your fast with because they contain beneficial micronutrients and quick energy. You can also include them in other dishes and smoothies as well.
6 – Focus on Hydration
Being hydrated is the most important. But it can be hard and uncomfortable to drink a lot of water (especially if in countries where the night is very short).Get in as much water, fresh veggies, and fruit (watermelon is a treat) as you can for suhoor or iftar. Fruit can help you get in that extra water intake. Watery fruits are a plus and perfect for suhoor. lots of regular water will replenish you. Coconut water is also really hydrating
7 – Remember You’re Not Just Fasting From Food
Mindset is super important when it comes to fasting for an entire month. Remember that you’re not fasting from food and drink, you’re fasting and refraining from bad habits as well. The key is mindfulness of Allah swt. This includes fasting from wrongdoing, haram ( forbidden) actions, bad habits, and other desires. In Ramadan, more than just eating and drinking breaks our fast. Read and learn what all of these things are. Seeking the right knowledge will dispel confusions regarding what breaks the fast, what doesn’t and what all you would have to do to make up for it.
8 – Take Power Naps
You may find that a power nap of one or two sleep cycles in the heat of the day can help both pass the time and boost your energy and productivity. A power nap can also help you feel more refreshed for the evening Taraweeh prayers.
Other people may find that naps leave them feeling more hungry or lethargic. Do what works for you and your body and leave the rest.
9 – Listen to Your Body and Know Your Limits
Finding Ramadan and fasting difficult is part of the test. You can share that you are finding it difficult and should never be made to feel inadequate. There is nothing wrong with your faith if you find the fast difficult. But, remember to ask Allah to make it easy for you.
If you need to break your fast for a valid reason – like illness, travelling, pregnancy or breastfeeding – do it. Don’t guilt yourself. Focus on trying your best and know your limits.
Fasting takes time and practice and many other Muslims have been doing it for most of their lives.
Remember, everyone finds the first few fasts hard. It takes time for our body to adjust and for us to generally get into a new routine. May Allah swt make it easy for everyone and accept all of our fasts for His sake. Ameen https://www.youtube.com/embed/oYTUptOqNNY?feature=oembed
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
In the modern age, the status of men and women is often the topic of arguments or discussions. Islam has given great focus on having a balanced and ethical marriage that will lead to a long successful marriage InshaAllah. Our religion has explained to us a number of aspects pertaining to the duties and responsibilities of husband and wife towards their spouses. However, due to the social customs and pressures, the requirements are twisted into patterns in order to meet the wants and needs of the society and not of the religion. Marriage being one of the targets ruined by the norms of our society. We live in a society where most people think that gender roles are considered sexist. That it is an ideology straight out of the 1950’s.. This idea that the husband works and the wife stays and takes care of the home is some sort of old fashioned mentality. Some translate this into this idea the women are beneath men because their place is in the home, cooking ,cleaning, and taking care of any children. Some sort of inequality. While some women, myself included, are perfectly fine staying home and holding the fort down while their husband works, many are not. There are many women who work outside of the home whether because they need to or they choose to. I personally like to use the term duties or responsibilities versus “roles”, when talking about what the husband/ wife should do in order to maintain a happy, healthy environment at home. However, I’m not just talking about financial duties. I’m speaking of emotional and physical as well. Both husband and wife have many needs that should be met by their spouse. Here are a few of the rules that we live by our home in order to do just that.
His Responsibilities – Sherif Hikal
1. Husbands are the Guardian of their Families
A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, to respect her feelings, and show her kindness and consideration. Although both husband and wife are the wheels that make the vehicle go, men are given a larger portion of qualities that make them stronger in terms of guarding their families.
“Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others…” (4:34).
Islam has given men the responsibility of supporting their women and their families. According to our Prophet (PBUH):
“Men are the guardians of their families and it is the responsibility of every guardian to guard those who fall under his own guardianship.” – (Mustadrak, vol 2, p 550)
What I gather from these two verses is that it is our job as husbands to protect our wives and families. We should not only protect them in the physical sense, but it is our duty as Muslim men to protect their honor and their hearts. Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family. It is very sad that this relationship which Allah swt has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.
Allah described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran:
‘ He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) ” (Holy Quran 30:21, Yusuf Ali Translation).
2. Don’t Be a Tyrant
Regardless of whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. We are taught to treat our wives well. The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was reported to have said:
‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives” (From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi)
3. Never Be Abusive
Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your wife.The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, never mistreated his wives. He is reported to have said:
‘How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night?”
I’d also like to mention something regarding verbal abuse. At times we may find ourselves frustrated or overwhelmed with whatever may be going on that day. Maybe someone has made us angry, maybe our wife has done something to upset us. Be careful with how you speak to her. No matter what the cause of frustration is, take a step back and think before you speak. Many times when we are angry or upset, we end up saying things that we wish we hadn’t. Things that we can’t take back.
4. Show Affection
Be affectionate towards your wife. There are many ways that this can be done. Physical touch being the most obvious, but there are far more ways that we can show our affection.
Tell her how much you appreciate her. By showing your wife gratitude and acknowledging her hard work, you will make her feel a sense of accomplishment and this will help keep her motivated to do the hard work she does. It also means that if you are grateful to your wife then you are grateful to Allah for blessing you with her company because it was Allah swt that gave you the opportunity to unite together in marriage. Thank your wife very often and tell her that you appreciate all her work and effort and say Alhamdulillah for her companionship.
5. Help and support her in her daily chores
Be your wife’s greatest support and offer to help her with any task, whether it be big or small. Your wife wants to feel like you are working together as a team to build your family and maintain your home.
The prophet helped out around the house, serving his family often.
Al-Aswad said,
“I asked ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, ‘What did the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do when he was with his family?’ She replied, ‘He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.’”Bukhari Al Adab Al Mufrad (Sahih)
6. Listen To Her
Men don’t always have to be solution-oriented sometimes when women open up about their issues. I know I’m not. In fact there have been times when I myself don’t get why my wife gets as upset and emotional over some of the things that she does. However, by simply showing empathy and understanding, it can be very therapeutic for her. Acknowledge her emotions and appreciate her perspective and give her your full attention when she speaks to you.
7. Spend quality time with Her
Spend quality time with her at home but also try to explore other ways to build your companionship. Make time for her. I know that for me personally, work takes a lot of my time. Between that and kids and everyday life, it can be hard to find time to do anything else. Still, give her the time and attention she deserves and ask Allah swt to put barakah in the time you spend together.
An example is that of Prophet Muhammad with Aishah: One day a young group of Abyssinian men were dancing in Masjid Nabawi. Aishah said to the Prophet that she wanted to watch them. So she leans and places her chin on the shoulder of the Prophet ﷺ, his noble bodyguarding her. Her cheek was touching his cheek and her arms around him as they watched the performance in the Masjid. And he gently asks her “Are you done yet?” She said “No, not yet’ and this happened a few times. She finally moves away.
After the Prophet ﷺ passed away she confesses that “By Allah, I had no interest in watching those people dancing; I just wanted my face to be on his face”.
Her Responsibilities – Rebecca Pena- Hikal
The sacred union of marriage ties two people in a bond where they accept each other in sickness and in health, till death does them part. In the initial period of this journey, a couple is madly in love with each other and cherishes every little detail they get to know about their partner. I believe this is called the honeymoon phase. Over time, both parties realize that things are not quite as perfect as they had once seemed. Life happens. You fall on hard times for one reason or another and when the emotions take over, you start to see a different side of the person that you married. It does not mean that you love them any less, it just becomes a matter of understanding your duty as a wife.I know that when the going gets tough in our home, it’s usually Sherif who stays calm. I am the one who goes overboard. I mentioned in a previous post that he had lost his job in 2017. By this time we had already been married almost 9 years. However, it was during this time that I realized I had no clue what it meant to be a good wife. Sure I cooked, kept a clean home, took care of our children, everything that I was supposed to do…. right? Wrong. When things got tough, I panicked. I went into emotional overdrive, while he remained calm.
“The Prophet (P.B.U.H) stated: ‘There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage’.”
“Imam Rida (R.A) stated: ‘The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy and protects his property and her own honor in his absence’.”
8.Respect Your Husband
Let’s be honest, we don’t know what our husbands go through during the day. The kinds of people they have to deal with. And if your husbands are anything like mine, the last thing that he wants to talk about or think of is work. There were times when I was insistent on talking about one issue or another as soon as he walked through the door. Not even thinking about the fact that he had just spent the last fifteen hours sitting at a desk dealing with all kinds of issues. This would lead to him getting upset, my getting more upset, words being exchanged and so on. We are supposed to respect, love and support them when they return home from work to make them realize that they have someone who cares for him. It might get difficult for you at times to be polite and courteous to your spouse but it is necessary to do so. Teach your children to always give him the respect that he deserves. Plus, whenever he enters the house, open the door with a smile. These small things do create a good impact on the mind and heart of your husband.
9.Be Careful When Complaining
This is one area where I not only struggle, but I really had a tough time comprehending. Now I’m not saying dont bring your concerns and legitimate complaints to your husband, some things need attention and need to be discussed. However, there is a fine line between gentle reminders and full on nagging complaints. We all have things that we want to talk about at the end of the day. I personally can’t wait until my husband gets home so that I can tell him all about my day. This is also the time that I bring to his attention the behavior of our children and anything that they may have done that was not right. Remember that there is a time and place for everything. There have been many times that I was waiting at the door as soon as my husband walked in ready with my list. Not even thinking of the long, exhausting day that he may have had. Starting your list of complaints right away probably isn’t a good idea. Your husband might not say it that often, but they also do have an entire journal of problems to deal with. Don’t make him feel bad for not wanting to listen right then and there. If it’s something really urgent tell him, if not, look for a proper time and then present your problems to him.
“The Prophet (S) of Islam stated: ‘The prayers of a woman who teases her husband with her tongue, are not accepted (by Allah) even though she fasts every day, gets up for the acts of worship every night, sets free a few slaves and donates her wealth in the way of Allah. A bad-tongue woman who hurts her husband in this way is the first person who enters hell’.”
Trust Your Husband
We all have insecurities at the end of the day, however, it is important to be mindful of those insecurities so that they don’t take over at the worst possible times. There were times in the beginning of our marriage that my husband would come home from work and be so tired he wouldn’t want to talk to me or anyone for that matter. He just wanted to be alone. My mind would race as this is so not like him. Then the questions came. What happened? Why is he like this? Why doesn’t he want to talk to me? Is he upset with me? Did I say something? Well I would ultimately go and begin my interrogation which in the end, only made his day worse. Don’t take things personally. Especially if you know that you’ve done nothing wrong and he just walked through the door after a long day. Give him time to unwind. He’ll come around, you’ll see.
Be His Peace
I read a quote somewhere that said “ Be his peace not his panic” To me, this made a lot of sense. As wives we are supposed to be his peace just as he is to be ours. We are supposed to bring out the best in one another and help the other to become better. Whatever you do as a wife, the first thing you must have at the back of your mind is that your spouse is another fellow Muslim. Hence, you have to consider your husband first as a Muslim and anything else second. You have to treat him with respect for there can be no peace in a marriage without respect. Love cannot exist in the absence of respect. Once there is respect, another thing you need to help your husband with is to help him become a better Muslim. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said of a good wife:
The best property that a man can have is a tongue that remembers Allah, a heart full of gratitude and a believing wife who assists him in his faith.
So as a Muslim wife, it is your primary duty to help your husband in his deen (faith). If he is not punctual with his duties as a Muslim, encourage and support him every step of the way. That said, you are expected to give your husband the kindest and most merciful treatment. You should be kind to your husband in your speech and manners. Your husband is human and that means that there will be moments of weakness for him too, there will be periods when he will make mistakes, do not take it out on him as the wife. Be supportive, understanding, and encouraging at all times.
Defend Him
In addition to all that has been said earlier, another way you should treat your husband is to be his defender. The same way the husband is expected to defend your honor and pride in your presence and absence, you should also do the same for him as his wife. You should be able and willing to defend him and protect his image even when he is not around.
As a woman, Allah (SWT) has created you to be quite different from a man. The way he reasons and looks at issues is going to be remarkably different from yours. Now that you know this, you will have to display a lot of tolerance and patience in all you do. Almighty Allah (SWT) and the Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) told us in many instances to be very patient and tolerant in all that we do. So, you need to apply these qualities to your marriage too.
May Almighty Allah (SWT) give Muslim couples the best in their marriages, Ameen.
About the Authors: Meet the Hikals
Asalaam Alaikum wa- rahmatu-llahi wa- barakatuh. My name is Sherif Hikal. I am from Cairo, Egypt. I came to the United States in 1996 on a student visa and began my studies at the University of Houston. I met my wife in 2007 and we married in 2008. We have two children, an 11 year old girl, and a 8 year old boy. I work as a coordinator for an oil inspection company. When my wife began blogging for Amirazz, she would ask me to proofread her work. She is a fairly new Muslimah and from time to time asks my opinion on certain things. I have to say that I am quite proud of her MashaAllah. I noticed that although her blogs were to me, fantastic, they were all coming from a woman’s perspective. Makes sense, but what about us men? What can we do to show our love to our wives? What is our role? I offered to help her if she ever needed me to and just like the Rebecca that I know, she jumped on it straight away and went to the Amirazz team to see what they thought. I am looking forward to working on this with my wife…. I think. But no really InshaAllah through our experiences we can hopefully give some tips on how to push through those hard times, and make the most out of the best times. Marriage is not always easy. However, the important thing is to remember that we should support our wives when they need it. Be their strength when they feel weak. Love them and treat them like the queens that they are.
Who We Are
Asalaam Alaikum wa- rahmatu-llahi wa- barakatuh. My name is Rebecca. As my husband has already stated most of who we are above, I just want to say that I am looking forward to writing a few pieces with him. I am a stay at home mom and spend most of my time with my children. Sherif and I have had our fair share of trials and tribulations throughout our marriage. We both have learned to be what we need and to not be what we don’t need. We have learned how to help carry, support, and show love to one another though those hard times. We have learned some pretty hard lessons in forgiveness as well as patience and mercy. Our goal is to help in any way that we can. You name it we’ve been through it, and because of it all we are stronger and closer than ever. Alhamdulillah.
Why We are Doing This
In 14 years we have been through just about every issue that a married couple could go through. I’m not kidding. There were times when I was not sure how we were going to pull through. If we were going to pull through. Through it all we made it. We worked hard at being better spouses to one another. It takes lots of time, patience and hard work. You have to put Allah first, have a tremendous amount of faith, and trust that everything will work out InshaAllah.
May Allah swt bless and protect all of our marriages and give us the strength to be the best husbands and wives that we can be. Ameen
We are about to finish our first week of Ramadan 2021, I wish that all of you are having a blessed Month and fasting is going easy for everybody inshaAllah.
I would like to give you some suggestions of menus for this second week, I hope that can be useful for you.
Prepare a weekly menu planning has several advantages during the whole year but especially in Ramadan:
Save time. Planning your meals for the week can help you to manage your time better and have more time for worship.
Portion control.
Reduces the amount of food waste.
Reduces the stress of cooking last minute.
Save money.
Avoid unhealthy options.
Enjoy more variety.
MY IFTAR MENUS PLAN FOR THE SECOND WEEK
Day 1
Khoshaf (a mix of dried fruits and nuts with water, cinnamon and honey) and lemon juice
Pumpkin Soup
Arugula salad with apple and white cheese
Chichen maqluba
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and stuffed baklava with nuts , espresso or tea
Day 2
Dates stuffed with walnuts. Lemon juice
Bisara soup
Spaghetti Bolognese (with meat and vegetable, cheese and tomato sauce)
Roasted eggplants
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and Omo Ali, espresso or tea
Day 3
Dates stuffed with almonds and Tamarind juice.
Zucchini soup with cheese
Green salad with mandarins and sesame
Chicken fajitas with vegetables and fries
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and tiramisu, espresso or tea
Day 4
Dates covered with dark chocolate. Fresh mango juice.
Potatoes and tuna salad with roasted pepper
Baked seabass with roasted vegetables
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and basbousa, espresso or tea
Day 5
Khoshaf and Qamar el Din juice (Apricot Juice).
Harira (Morocco soup with meat and chickpeas)
Tomato, coriander, green onions and avocado salad (Pico de Gallo)
Chicken panne
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and brownie, espresso or tea
Day 6
Assorted dried fruits with milk and Orange juice.
Coleslaw salad and baba ganoush salad
Roasted kofta with vegetable saute .
Egyptian rice with noodles
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and qataifs stuffed with nuts, espresso or tea
Day 7
Dated stuffed with pistachios and sobia .
Meat consomé
Cucumber salad with mint
Roasted Beef with potatoes pure and gravy
Beef Sambousas
Dessert: Assorted of fruits and konafa with mango, espresso or tea
Author Marisa Lopez Chicote
About the Author: Marisa Lopez Chicote is an event planner and mother of 5, living in Cairo and Muslim since 1985 alhamdullah. I love travelling and cooking.
Many times throughout our lives, we will find ourselves right in the middle of conflict and or uncomfortable situations. Whether it be with our spouses, family members, friends, coworkers, or even a complete stranger. It can be an exchange of words or our actions that are a direct cause of this conflict. What happens when there is an exchange of words that takes an unfortunate turn? Maybe we feel that someone has hurt our feelings, or we feel that we have been disrespected. What if we are the one causing the hurt and or we are the ones being disrespectful? How we handle ourselves in these circumstances is extremely important. It is a direct display of our character and who we are. Going through the feelings of hurt, holding ourselves accountable, forgiving, and moving on. It’s quite the process. Although our words and actions can leave a mark on those involved, it is our response in my opinion, that can have a more lasting effect. We all lose our cool from time to time. Afterall we are all human. We can all agree that it is important to remain respectful at all times. But again, we are human. So today we are going to talk a little bit about all of the above. How do we not only handle ourselves in these types of situations, but how can we make things right?
Respect is a two way street. We are taught that in order to receive respect we must also give respect. However, there are times when we are not so respectful towards those around us. It’s not always about having an intent to be disrespectful, many times I myself have been in situations where I felt like I was not being heard or understood. As a result, my need to be heard came out in a form of disrespect. I definitely could have used better words. Whether it is our need to be heard or our passion for one thing or another that causes us to say or behave in ways that we normally wouldn’t, how do we begin to rectify the situation? We are human and it is almost guaranteed that at some time or another we will cause someone to feel that they have been disrespected, with no intention of doing so. A couple of weeks ago I was trying to get my point across to my husband. I felt like he was not validating my feelings. He was listening to me but somehow I felt like I was not being heard. In turn, my tone of voice and choice of words were probably not what I would have normally used had I not been so wrapped up in my own emotions and feelings. It’s not that I was “disrespectful”, but my tone of voice was enough to make him feel as if he had been disrespected. Not only did I need to hold myself accountable for the way that I had spoken to him, but I needed to take responsibility for how I had made him feel. And then to make things right.
In a perfect world we would all be conscious of our words, all of the time. For the most part, I think that in general, we do try to watch what we say. I’d like to think that we typically don’t try to be disrespectful, but that our emotions and feelings take over. Not only is it our need to be heard or understood, but at times we feel we need to stand our ground. Defending ourselves and our position is always important to us. It’s not about being right, but making sure that we are not being disrespected at the same time. Nevertheless things are said that we can not take back. Now what?
Accountability/ Responsibility
So what do we do when we say disrespectful/ hurtful things? Two options: we either own it or we don’t. This is where character comes in. Our willingness to hold ourselves accountable and accept responsibility shows our true character. It also shows the other person that there was no ill intent from the beginning. If you are the type to hold yourself accountable then you are headed in the right direction. Holding ourselves accountable and admitting that we were wrong is the first step that we must take in order to move forward. Even when we feel that the other person triggered it all and they are somehow at fault, we must still hold ourselves accountable for the things that we say and our actions. Don’t play the blame game. Own what you’ve said/ done and begin the process of moving on. Realize that somewhere along the way, we did in fact have something to do with the situation at hand. By owning up to your part, you will in turn earn respect.
The next step is taking responsibility. It’s not enough to simply hold ourselves accountable. We must take responsibility for not only what we’ve said, but the consequences that followed. Many times after an altercation, either big or small, there are consequences that follow. Hurt feelings, resentment, anger, and worse case scenario broken relationships. Either personal or professional. When we hold ourselves responsible we are able to not only see the damage that has been done, but also put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Try to feel what they are feeling. Being empathetic towards others helps us to better feel what they are feeling as well as see why they may have responded or are feeling the way that they are.
Being Disrespected
Since respect is a two way street, chances are it was our own words, actions, or response to the other party that had something to do with their response/reaction. I’m not saying that it is their fault, remember accountability, still for every action there is a reaction. Many times it is a miscommunication/ misunderstanding that led to all of this in the first place. Unfortunately when we feel disrespected, we go into defense mode. In most cases this leads to more disrespect. We should definitely defend ourselves. By no means should we allow others to treat us any old way. It’s remaining calm when doing so that will make the difference.
Accountability/ Responsibility
Just because we feel that we have been disrespected does not automatically make us the victim. We need to take a minute and reevaluate the entire situation to see what we could have said or done differently. Chances are we too played a role and need to hold ourselves accountable and take responsibility for our own actions and words. When all parties are able to admit their wrong, there is a greater chance for forgiveness and moving on.
The Apology
This may be the hardest step yet, but the most necessary. When we apologize we not only admit our wrong, we also show our willingness and desire to make amends. This will put us on the path of healing and repairing any damage that has been done.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward
In a perfect world, we would all apologize, forgive, and move on. However, in order to do this, we need to know what it is we need to do in order to get to this point. We are almost always going to find ourselves in situations like this. Whether at home, work, or with friends in general. We should always do our best to try to be mindful of our words, but the reality is many times we find that we are not. When this happens, own it. We need to take responsibility for what we say and do. Understand that even when we feel we are the one that has been disrespected, chances are we are not totally innocent. We need to hold ourselves accountable for the things that we say and do.
At the end of the day we are all adults. We should act as such. May this blessed month help us to all reevaluate and improve ourselves InshaAllah.
Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.
