Culture Clashes in Marriage

Culture Clashes in Marriage

Marriage, also called matrimony, is a culturally recognised union between people, called spouses, that establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. Although we try to marry someone who shares our same culture. Ideas, and background, many times couples find that they have found love with someone who comes from a different background and has a different set of customs than we do. This at times can result in a clashing of cultures. In a perfect world we would have the time to learn and educate ourselves on our prospective spouse’s culture and customs, but often we don’t. We go into a marriage with the intention of learning as we go and being respectful and accepting along the way. But what happens when our differences in fact get in the way or cause problems? Although for the most part we live by the same moral code of ethics, which would normally help us get through anything, what happens when we find there are things that we just can not accept or adapt to?

While it can be a difficult road to choose, cross cultural marriages can work and can be extremely rewarding when partners are proactive and build healthy communication practices between themselves and their families. When two cultural backgrounds meet in a marriage, the relationship can be enriched. But obstacles first need to be identified and addressed. When we marry a person from a different culture, we are in fact stepping into another world. So how can we handle and deal with cultural differences?

Educate yourself and your family about the other culture.

This can ease surprises and defuse potential conflicts. Ask questions of your partner. Research norms and expectations. Examine the differences between their culture and your own. Try to have an understanding of things that are accepting in and are not accepting in their culture. Then decide whether or not these differences are something that you feel you can adapt to in the event that they may cause clashing later on down the line.

Challenge false beliefs you may have about the other culture.

Discuss as a couple the belief system each person has, and explore those beliefs. If the beliefs are held simply because the extended family has said so or “society is just that way,” challenge them gently and respectfully. Try to find a happy medium without breaking any important customs or beliefs.

Discuss the positives and negatives of the two cultures and jointly choose which parts will best fit in your relationship

Talk with your spouse about the weaknesses and strengths of your own culture. Decide which attributes of both cultures might enhance the household you’re building. Look for the best in each other.

Adjust and adapt to one another’s cultures through compromise and communication

This takes humility and courage. It also takes a willingness to give up some of your desires in order to meet the other person’s needs. Listen to each other before identifying differences, problems and solutions. Do your best to help your spouse understand and adjust to things that they may not be accustomed to.

Be patient as your partner adapts

If you continually correct your spouse, he or she may lose interest in adjusting to your culture. People tend to gravitate toward familiarity so provide, as your spouse tries, a revised and expanded way of living and perceiving.

Chances are that culture clashes will take place. When two people who come from completely different cultures get together, there are almost always going to be differences. The important thing is how we respond to them, and how we handle them. Although it is best to try to learn as much as we can about our future spouse’s culture and have any discussions prior to marriage, that isn’t always how things happen. We need to be patient with our spouse. Remember, it takes a lifetime to learn what we know culturally. These are customs and ideas that we have learned over the course of our entire life and which are embedded in us. It isn’t something that can be taught and learned and understood in a few hours.

Another thing to remember is how you both will come together to raise a family should you both choose to have one. How will you raise your children to love and appreciate both of your cultures? Remember why you both came together in the first place. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it is important to be patient and understanding throughout.

May Allah keep our marriages strong and may He give us patience to go through any obstacles that may present themselves. InshaAllah

Sister Rebecca is a SAHM living in Houston Texas. Married for 13 years with two children, and a revert since 2014, her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with family.

Culture Clashes in Marriage

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Culture Clashes in Marriage